I apologize for the length, but I wanted to get this story out there to maybe receive some advice...
I am a new grad on a gen med/surg unit, and I'm about four weeks in. On my second week of orientation, I walked into work and walked down the hall as normal to go to the locker room. As I was walking I was thinking about my day and such, and walked past two coworkers (one fellow RN, one EVS worker), and as I passed they said good morning. It took a second for my brain to register that they were talking to me and I quickly tried to call out a quick good morning and then kept walking.
Now the EVS worker came into the locker room a few min later, and asked if "i was mad." Confused, I said no, why? Apparently she thought I had purposely ignored them. I apologized and assured her that I just hadn't been paying attention as I had passed them.
Awhile later that fellow RN also called me out and asked if I was ok. I said yes, and again apologized for not realizing they had said good morning to me. I said that I hadn't meant to be rude or anything, I was just new and got lost in my thoughts at the time.
Flash forward to last night when I was at the desk, again lost in my thoughts and one co-worker thought that I had "eyed her up" without saying anything. Again, not what I was doing, but I understood that she may have thought something.
She proceeded to call me out on it, and called over the EVS worker from the last encounter and said that I had "eyed her up." At this point, I was confused and embarrassed. Then someone said that the EVS worker had told others that she thought I might be racist due to these actions from the past.
Mortified, I apologized and assured her, and everyone else that I was not racist, nor trying to be rude. I sometimes get lost in my thoughts and it has nothing to do with the person around me. She then asked me my "sign" and said that we were fine now.
However, I don't feel fine. I feel called out for something that I could have been talked to about in private if it was really an issue. I also feel awful that she talked to others on the floor about me. Now I dread going to work because I feel that others think that I am not a nice person or something, do to misunderstandings that occurred.
Is there something I should do about this? I feel very unresolved about all this, and like something needs to be done. I realize my own actions could have played a part in making others feel like I was not nice, do to my not realizing I was blanking out. However I also feel that the EVS worker made others think things about me that are not true. I really don't want to have to get my manager involved as this is embarrassing for me, and also I really don't want to have a 'sit down' with this EVS worker as I feel this may cause me more repercussions in the future.
Specializes in Critical Care, Med-Surg, Psych, Geri, LTC, Tele,.
I conjecture that "eyed her up" is probably another unsophisticated way of saying, "Stared her down."
Or another, also unsophisticated, way of saying, "Looked at her crazy." í ½í¸‚
To address the OP in seriousness: I happen to be a member of a minority group at work. It sounds like you might be also.
Because I have experience being "the only" in professional/ work settings, I try very hard to be cognizant of cultural norms and stereotypes, so that I can make an effort to assimilate into the dominant culture.
I have a natural "resting b@tch face". Plus I'm naturally kind of serious about work. My natural self combined with stereotypes of my minority group can cause people to be intimidated/ think I'm mean/ etc.
Therefore at work I try hard to smile at everyone, to say a quick hello to people I pass in halls or who are sitting next to me, etc.
Sometimes, they don't respond. And that's ok. í ½í¸€
I'm new and I don't want people's perception that I'm mean to affect my work colleague relationships negatively.
Buyer beware, BSN
1,139 Posts
OP:
I read your narrative from front to back twice and have but one question.
What the hell is an (EVS) worker?
Environmental Services Worker or Evil Vicious Sinister Worker?
Maybe mind your own business worker.
Yeah, that's it!