Preceptor from hell- no more killing with kindness

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I recently started a position on a sub acute unit. The preceptor is very nasty. For example when she was told I had to shadow her without notice- all hell broke loose. I totally understand her being angry due to not having a notice but she did not have to react the way she did. There was a bunch of eye rolling, snide comments and rude tones. I have had the same thing happen to me and I did NOT respond like that, I made the best of the situation. Besides nurses must be flexible.

She then says " I know I'm rude and you don't have to wait for others to tell you that because I already know it" :confused:

Apparently I'm not the only one who has complained about her rudeness. The first day I tried to kill her with kindness but I'm not doing that tomorrow. I want her to start with me because I'm really not in the mood and I kind of just want to set her straight once and for all. :mad:

People only do what you allow them to do to you and I'm NOT going to allow her to treat me like this any longer.

Specializes in Flight, ER, Transport, ICU/Critical Care.

I understand the motivation for going in battle ready. I urge you to give it a little time.

No, I do not want you to think that I find how you were treated acceptable - not in any way.

Deciding to wage war against her - is a lose/lose. I would be direct, courteous, listen more than I talk, ask very direct questions only when necessary and generally non-confrontational at this point. If this situation blows - make sure your actions make all focus on this persons bad acts.

She is not treating you with respect ➔ she is likely not being treated respectfully ➔ now, you are ready to throw down and let her have it (again, that pesky respect thing). IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT that this is happening - but, I suspect that you are bright enough to know that. You have a chance here to break this cycle - there are ways to confront behaviors without being confrontational. I'd urge you to be restrained - however, I know that it would feel good in the moment to give her a taste of how she is treating you.

Don't let this toxic person make you one of her kind. You are far better than that. I think acknowledging the issue (no choice, staffing is rough, etc) and then go to I statements (This is about YOU getting what YOU need to be able to work on her unit) and not focus on her specific behaviors (keeps the defensiveness down) will work to position you well in this situation. The "I" statements like: I get the feeling that you do not want to orient me - and although I understand your frustration (or whatever) I, too, am frustrated (or whatever) and want to find some way that we can work together - clearly this is not an ideal situation for either of us. Do you have any ideas?

I know that these types of interactions often just go south - but, once you acknowledge the problem/situation and ask for her to "buy-in" you are about out of good options. If she continues to treat you the way she has, a sit down with management (maybe even with her later if management approves - then all could help establish expectations for your orientation) is in order. Maybe there is a cause-effect on this unit where she bullies folks and they simply RUN. At some point it may be worth looking at the big picture of - do you want to deal with her on a regular basis in any capacity? Since she admits being rude/nasty and everyone (I guess management too) sits silently and lets her do what she does best - that says something as well. One person can have a very toxic effect on a unit.

Clearly this woman is so whacked that she cannot even see an upside to getting you oriented so the PRN and agency on her unit slows - she must be a miserable and angry person - how would you like her to be your nurse??

But you gave a big clue - "she had no choice, everyone else on the unit was either agency or PRN" - so, this is the only core staff there? The fact that she admits "I am rude and everyone knows it..." is so not good. This unit would scare me at this point.

I am sorry that you are having to go through this. It only takes one bad apple - and it looks like you found her.

I wish you the best of luck. Keep us posted. I'm pulling for you!

:angel:

Specializes in ED, ICU, PSYCH, PP, CEN.

No one can make you feel a certain way, if you are upset about the way she treats you it is because you allow her to make you feel that way. You are both professionals, but if she can't act like one, then at least you can.

Learn what you can from her and then do your own thing and let her live in her rotten little world all by herself.

Good luck and let us know how this goes.

Specializes in Peds Medical Floor.
Hmm, she might even start to like you if you give it right back to her! It's weird what makes some people tick..

I had a supervisor like this. She was a witch from the time she started....to everyone. One day I had enough and very politely told her off. For some reason it made her really respect me and we're actually friendly now lol.

I don't understand why management makes people like this precept. It's bad for the newbie and ultimately the hospital and profession of nursing. Everyone is unhappy in the end-

No one can make you feel a certain way, if you are upset about the way she treats you it is because you allow her to make you feel that way. You are both professionals, but if she can't act like one, then at least you can.

Learn what you can from her and then do your own thing and let her live in her rotten little world all by herself.

Good luck and let us know how this goes.

Not totally correct- people can make you feel a certain way, ntil yo decide to do something about it. Right now, she's in a new environment and needs all the guidance she can get to help her find her way. So yeah, people with an "upper hand", can make yo feel a certain way. Bt the good thing is that the OP is relentless and is going to do something about it.

Specializes in Emergency.

You can tell her you're sorry about the house landing on her sister but regardless she needs to treat you with the same respect she expects to receive.

I understand the motivation for going in battle ready. I urge you to give it a little time.

No, I do not want you to think that I find how you were treated acceptable - not in any way.

Deciding to wage war against her - is a lose/lose. I would be direct, courteous, listen more than I talk, ask very direct questions only when necessary and generally non-confrontational at this point. If this situation blows - make sure your actions make all focus on this persons bad acts.

She is not treating you with respect ➔ she is likely not being treated respectfully ➔ now, you are ready to throw down and let her have it (again, that pesky respect thing). IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT that this is happening - but, I suspect that you are bright enough to know that. You have a chance here to break this cycle - there are ways to confront behaviors without being confrontational. I'd urge you to be restrained - however, I know that it would feel good in the moment to give her a taste of how she is treating you.

Don't let this toxic person make you one of her kind. You are far better than that. I think acknowledging the issue (no choice, staffing is rough, etc) and then go to I statements (This is about YOU getting what YOU need to be able to work on her unit) and not focus on her specific behaviors (keeps the defensiveness down) will work to position you well in this situation. The "I" statements like: I get the feeling that you do not want to orient me - and although I understand your frustration (or whatever) I, too, am frustrated (or whatever) and want to find some way that we can work together - clearly this is not an ideal situation for either of us. Do you have any ideas?

I know that these types of interactions often just go south - but, once you acknowledge the problem/situation and ask for her to "buy-in" you are about out of good options. If she continues to treat you the way she has, a sit down with management (maybe even with her later if management approves - then all could help establish expectations for your orientation) is in order. Maybe there is a cause-effect on this unit where she bullies folks and they simply RUN. At some point it may be worth looking at the big picture of - do you want to deal with her on a regular basis in any capacity? Since she admits being rude/nasty and everyone (I guess management too) sits silently and lets her do what she does best - that says something as well. One person can have a very toxic effect on a unit.

Clearly this woman is so whacked that she cannot even see an upside to getting you oriented so the PRN and agency on her unit slows - she must be a miserable and angry person - how would you like her to be your nurse??

But you gave a big clue - "she had no choice, everyone else on the unit was either agency or PRN" - so, this is the only core staff there? The fact that she admits "I am rude and everyone knows it..." is so not good. This unit would scare me at this point.

I am sorry that you are having to go through this. It only takes one bad apple - and it looks like you found her.

I wish you the best of luck. Keep us posted. I'm pulling for you!

:angel:

I really like the solution you have outlined above! Sit down, look her in the eye and ask her how you can both work this out in order to make it a little less burdensome for both of you.

I had a preceptor like this too. In the OR for the ortho rotation. He wouldn't show me a thing - would only allow me to watch him work. He wouldn't answer my questions, and just flat out ignored me. I talked to the charge nurse and she said she knew but he was the best ortho person she had... The day came when she wanted me to go solo in ortho and I just looked at her like she was crazy. I'd rather be taught by someone who isn't as "good" but who is at least willing to show me the way...

Specializes in ER.

The thing that shocks me the most about this is all the reply's that basically condone this bad behavior. Many of the reply's are making excuses for this person and defending them. If the behavior continues go to your manager, if that doesn't solve it go to your managers boss and keep climbing the chain til it gets fixed. No excuse for her actions. I understand everybody has a bad day but obviously she's not just having a bad day by her admittance "I know I'm rude". If she has this type attitude then you will likely learn nothing from her and she is likely to either tell management your not catching on or will tell them your ready when your really not as a means to get rid of you. Either way it will affect your ability to do or retain your job.

Last year before I started PA school I took on a guy that was a new grad and been with his preceptor for 3 montha. She had told the NM that he should be transferred out of the ER because he wasn't catching on. The NM brings me in and ask me if I'd take him on and see if I could turn it around and I agreed. Before I even started though his previous took me into the med room and "warned" me about him. 2 weeks into it he was happy at his job and after 6 weeks cut loose on his own. I'm not a miracle worker but I love to teach, his previous did not and used every learning opportunity as a means to belittle him, esp if it was in front of other staff. Don't take the abuse and don't defend it.

Specializes in Cardiac care/Ortho/LTC/Education/Psych.

Hey, I had it before and I handle it "nice" . After seeing that she does not want me to work with her , and turn me her back and knocked on her back and said" excuse me , is this role that you are forced to take make you uncomfortable? If it does , let me speak with management and see what else is available for me because on this way we are making two issues , one is you not happy with me around, and I am not happy with you around , how about see other match? "She said , no ,, n o ,no , it is her moment, her house, her kids blabla bla , no it was HER!!. So I changed preceptor next day and was happy. Worked with this one and saw her in action. It was HER!!.

I've been on both sides. Precepted a ton of newbies. I was always gracious and tried to show them the ropes.

Took a travel assignment recently, and the 2 nurses on duty practically duked it out on who was going to be stuck precepting me.

I don't think there is anything you can do one-on -one with her.

She is past the point of caring.

Go to management. Explain you are unable to develope a working relationship with her, ask for another preceptor.

Keep the request light and don't say anything negative.

Good Luck.

Get away from her.

Specializes in LTC.

update- When I arrived on the unit today she was much better. However, the supervisor pulled me from the unit and had me orient on a different unit with another nurse, until they talked to her about her behavior. Management has had previous complaints about this nurse so I guess they want to nip in the bud now. I was kind of blown. I wanted her to orient me because that will be my regular unit. I also feel like we are both adults and I could of handled her myself. I was prepared to run her down today but didn't get a chance too. he he. We will see how tomorrow goes when I actually will get a chance for her to precept me.

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