Preceptor from hell- no more killing with kindness

Hmmm....I hope good will finds you:)

Being your preceptor is probably the last thing, in a long list of things, this nurse has been made to do and didn't want to. She's probably overworked, overlooked, and overwhelmed. It's no excuse for bad behavior, but it is a reason.

You want her to treat you kindly and fairly. Not an unreasonable expecation.

Have patience. You WILL be in her shoes sooner than you think.

Good luck.

I see a lot of these demon preceptor threads. Makes me nervous, cuz I've yet to reach that part.

Hope your day is better tomorrow. :) shoot, she might shock you to death and apologize. Hey, its rare but it it happens!

I had one of these about 20 years ago. I was orienting in a large level 3 NICU which was chronically understaffed. My preceptor was recently divorced and I was her 13th orientee that summer. Needless to say, she had little use for me. Which didn't help me get adjusted, that's for sure. Miss Priss went on vacation about halfway through and a new preceptor took me on. She was everything my old preceptor was not, a really good teacher. So in the end, it was all good. But the first 5 weeks, not so much.

Good luck. Try to be civil. You're both in a difficult spot. Don't make it worse than it already is. You can do your job with dignity. As she said, everybody already knows she's rude. Just try to do your best to to return tit for tat.

Lovejoy, you go GET SOME Girl!

Being your preceptor is probably the last thing, in a long list of things, this nurse has been made to do and didn't want to. She's probably overworked, overlooked, and overwhelmed. It's no excuse for bad behavior, but it is a reason.

You want her to treat you kindly and fairly. Not an unreasonable expecation.

Have patience. You WILL be in her shoes sooner than you think.

Good luck.

That is it. I HAVE been in her shoes. Do a search and you will find when I was a new grad of two weeks training another new grad. I often had no notice and had to make the best of it. I know what it is liked to be over worked, overwhelmed and etc. She has no choice but to train me. All the other nurses are either agency or PRN.

I think you should set her straight. Let us know what goes down.

Hmm, she might even start to like you if you give it right back to her! It's weird what makes some people tick..

That is it. I HAVE been in her shoes. Do a search and you will find when I was a new grad of two weeks training another new grad. I often had no notice and had to make the best of it. I know what it is liked to be over worked, overwhelmed and etc. She has no choice but to train me. All the other nurses are either agency or PRN.

Usually the things we have no control over make us the most angry. Don't take her treatment of you personally. You know she's not mad at you. I have no suggestions about how to make the situation better as far as your preceptor goes. You're the only one who can make it better. But declaring war will serve no purpose.

I almost always give my fellow nurse a pass on bad behavior......cause she's part of my family. Cheesey I know.

You only get run over if you allow youself to be run over. Take her down.

I had almost this exact same experience at a clinic a year ago. It was not my primary preceptor but I was to spend a few days with her and they gave her no notice. I ignored her behavior that first day and let her have her space, working more closely with another nurse in the department.

The next day she apologized profusely. It turned out it had nothing to do with me and everything to do with her being a type A control freak over her workspace. She ended up being one of my favorite nurses...what was a detriment when it came to precepting was an asset with regard to her ownership of her role and attention to detail.

I understand the motivation for going in battle ready. I urge you to give it a little time.

No, I do not want you to think that I find how you were treated acceptable - not in any way.

Deciding to wage war against her - is a lose/lose. I would be direct, courteous, listen more than I talk, ask very direct questions only when necessary and generally non-confrontational at this point. If this situation blows - make sure your actions make all focus on this persons bad acts.

She is not treating you with respect ➔ she is likely not being treated respectfully ➔ now, you are ready to throw down and let her have it (again, that pesky respect thing). IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT that this is happening - but, I suspect that you are bright enough to know that. You have a chance here to break this cycle - there are ways to confront behaviors without being confrontational. I'd urge you to be restrained - however, I know that it would feel good in the moment to give her a taste of how she is treating you.

Don't let this toxic person make you one of her kind. You are far better than that. I think acknowledging the issue (no choice, staffing is rough, etc) and then go to I statements (This is about YOU getting what YOU need to be able to work on her unit) and not focus on her specific behaviors (keeps the defensiveness down) will work to position you well in this situation. The "I" statements like: I get the feeling that you do not want to orient me - and although I understand your frustration (or whatever) I, too, am frustrated (or whatever) and want to find some way that we can work together - clearly this is not an ideal situation for either of us. Do you have any ideas?

I know that these types of interactions often just go south - but, once you acknowledge the problem/situation and ask for her to "buy-in" you are about out of good options. If she continues to treat you the way she has, a sit down with management (maybe even with her later if management approves - then all could help establish expectations for your orientation) is in order. Maybe there is a cause-effect on this unit where she bullies folks and they simply RUN. At some point it may be worth looking at the big picture of - do you want to deal with her on a regular basis in any capacity? Since she admits being rude/nasty and everyone (I guess management too) sits silently and lets her do what she does best - that says something as well. One person can have a very toxic effect on a unit.

Clearly this woman is so whacked that she cannot even see an upside to getting you oriented so the PRN and agency on her unit slows - she must be a miserable and angry person - how would you like her to be your nurse??

But you gave a big clue - "she had no choice, everyone else on the unit was either agency or PRN" - so, this is the only core staff there? The fact that she admits "I am rude and everyone knows it..." is so not good. This unit would scare me at this point.

I am sorry that you are having to go through this. It only takes one bad apple - and it looks like you found her.

I wish you the best of luck. Keep us posted. I'm pulling for you!

:angel: