Preceptor is a bully....

[Hardhands]

OK so here is the background:

I'm a new grad starting in the ER were I worked as a CNA for the last year of school. I am 40 years old and a guy.

I was assigned a preceptor who I knew would be tough but I have discovered that she is an abusive ***** (she actually said " my little sister who is not a nurse could get this!"). also she is not teaching me anything, just telling me how incompetent I am.

Now I know how to stand up for myself and all that, but I have a feeling that she is vindictive as hell and she is also one of the charge nurses.

I am not sure that complaining will help me because she will just say that I can't handle the job and that I am blaming her.

She has won awards and is a big deal in the eyes of the higher-ups....

She has also accumulated a lot of enemies in the ER with her abusive behavior but they all seem to be to scared to say anything...

So should I risk it?

I can probably survive, but have this annoying need to not let her get away with her bullying and abuse.

By the way I can totally handle the job ....

What I can't Handle is keeping quiet about all that I am witnessing and experiences.

Tell me what you think.

[anewsns]

I had a couple of bullies (4 to be exact) at work in the beginning and I  just flew under the radar because I didn’t know how I’d be received by management and it actually worked out really well in the end as after I got a lot of respect from my peers and management.  I was able to deal with each and every one of those in their own way  and now those 4 people are verrrrry polite and respectful of me 3 years later.  (I know it sounds like I’m the bully now but I’m not I promise ) I just held my own and was polite and professional until it was time to deal with it. Thankfully none were my preceptor though. Anyone you trust who you can talk to yet in there ? 

[Crystal-Wings, LVN]

Unfortunately, you will encounter people like this everywhere you go. I’ve met an awful lot of nurses that are straight up *****, with huge egos to boot. They usually are loud and obnoxious women that are constantly talking about how great they are, and how NOBODY else could possibly do their job as good as they can. Once they find their target victim, they do everything they can to undermine the poor person. They’ll always find something you’re doing wrong. Always. They are a plague to this profession. 

[Leader25, ASN, BSN, RN]

First  welcome to a great career,been there done that explains it for me.Do not go to mgmt,that will not help,most mgrs make things worse,have no clue on certain types of human behavior. My first time with bully preceptor I tried my best and did as I was told, though unfair. Eventually quit because you can not just preceptor yourself when there are missing parts of information[horrible  preceptorship] in order to function unstressed. The next time I reared up my back, stood  tall and decided nobody is going to take the food off my table by pushing me out, put my head to the grindstone, learned as much as I could, although sometimes I just hummed out loud to myself, in a happy  and hey , [you are not stressing me out kind of way.]The very first time some one raised their voice to me ,I very professionally told her,don't ever do that again.  A few more of those  and The end,no one bothered me again.Award or no award this is not a women's prison, so don't accept that thug behavior, work hard, learn all you can ,have a great career and future.

[explorereb96, ADN, BSN]

On 10/31/2020 at 9:18 AM, Closed Account 12345 said:

I wonder if she's made a counter post somewhere saying "Hey everyone, I have to precept a 40 year old grown man who should know better about decency by this point in his life but still thinks it's acceptable to call a woman he works with '*****.'"  

You lost me at lewd name calling.  Good luck.

Excuse me.... but there are plenty of ******** in nursing.   I have seen much in my 37 years that warrant worse than being called a  *****.  She has earned her title and should either wear it proudly or change her crappy attitude.  If I was a patient that witnessed that ugliness, she would have a dress down (I'm old military) in front of the whole unit.  I would make sure that HR, upper management, heck...the media knows about crappy and unprofessional attitudes in the ER.  Like the patient's are secondary for her having her jollies.  A new nurse can only learn confidence by being taught well.  Yes, you remain firm, and serious.  When a new nurse messes up it's OK to get frustrated.  But to be mean and nasty for your own selfish satisfaction should be a firable offense, I don't care how good her skillset is.  

[Tommy5677]

One thing HR does not want to hear is "hostile work environment". Just remember though that HR is not your friend. Their purpose is to protect the company from you. However, I would probably risk everything and go right to them without going to the head nurse. That might be bad advice but it's what I would do. Unfortunately, nursing jobs are not a dime a dozen like they used to be.

If you allow this person to get away with her behavior unchallenged then you will have effectively surrendered. If you quit without doing anything about her then again, you have surrendered. I honestly don't know what the answer is or what you should do without getting some kind of label. Whiner, complainer, can't hack it. This is person is a prime example of one who shouldn't even be in a position of authority.

Good luck with whatever you do but it's going to be a rough road no matter the path you choose.

[JKL33]

20 hours ago, Crystal-Wings said:

Unfortunately, you will encounter people like this everywhere you go. I’ve met an awful lot of nurses that are straight up *****, with huge egos to boot. They usually are loud and obnoxious women that are constantly talking about how great they are, and how NOBODY else could possibly do their job as good as they can. Once they find their target victim, they do everything they can to undermine the poor person. They’ll always find something you’re doing wrong. Always. They are a plague to this profession. 

But part of the reason they are a plague to this profession is because of the number of people who refuse to see their behavior in it's true light!

People call them bullies and full-on allow themselves to be terrorized. These aren't bullies, they are exceedingly weak! Their insecure behaviors should have no effect on anyone. A real bully is someone who actually has the power to independently wreak havoc on others (without their consent or participation). Hospital administrators are bullies. Insecure nurses are no bully. They are a joke when they behave this way.

[Wuzzie]

1 hour ago, Tommy5677 said:

One thing HR does not want to hear is "hostile work environment".

This only applies if the impacted person is in a protected class and the aggression is specific to the individual's reason for being protected (race, gender, orientation, nationality, age or disability.)

[explorereb96, ADN, BSN]

39 minutes ago, Wuzzie said:

This only applies if the impacted person is in a protected class and the aggression is specific to the individual's reason for being protected (race, gender, orientation, nationality, age or disability.)

gender comes to mind

[jkmjones]

I'm a nurse at the end of my career, and I'm sorry to hear that bullying is still going on.  I'd like to share my experience with you in hopes that it will be helpful.  I never had a preceptor.  In fact, I never even had an orientation.  I was a new BSN grad on a floor full of diploma grads.  Diploma schools were being phased out at the time, and there was a lot of resentment toward BSN grads.  There were many procedures that I didn't learn in school, so I needed help from the RNs on the floor.  When I asked questions, the staff nurses told me I was stupid.  I learned to cope by doing the following:

I committed to doing whatever it took to become not just a good nurse but a great one.  I realized that I was the only person who had a stake in my goal, and I was the only person who could ensure success.  I listened to criticism without getting defensive.  Some episodes of criticism were helpful and some weren't (such as calling me stupid.) I confronted nurses who were disrespectful.  For example, when someone called me stupid, I would say, "I know you don't mean anything by that comment (even though they did), but I don't appreciate the word 'stupid'. Maybe you could show me a better way to do it." I offered to help others whenever there was a skill to be learned or a type of patient that I was unfamiliar with.  Who doesn't want a little bit of extra help?  After time passed and new RNs started on the unit, I helped them the way that I had wanted to be helped.  After a year, I was thrilled when I overheard two new grads say that they hoped that I was working that day because I was "the smart nurse who could answer their questions."

Did I go to the manager when I was being mistreated? No. I didn't think my manager cared one way or the other about my success.

[familychick, BSN]

I completely disagree with the notion of just putting up with her behavior.  We need to get away from allowing nurses to eat their young.  We need to get away from turning a blind eye to bullies.  That behavior is simply not OK.  It is not OK in the home; it is not OK in the playground; and it is not OK in the workplace. The notion that "you are going to run in to that behavior, so you might as well learn to deal with it" is ridiculous. We are caregivers and we nuture. We do not tear each other down. If we see someone being abused, we step in. 

Is there anyway you can document/record what is going on?  Can you hide a recorder/phone in your pocket?  If you can submit clear documentation and proof with your complaints, that ought to shut her down and stop that behavior.

Thank you for being the one to step up.

[Wuzzie]

10 minutes ago, explorereb96 said:

gender comes to mind

Yes, but only if the negative behavior is focused on gender and even then it has to be repeated over a period of time and witnessed as a behavior pattern. Generic bad attitudes, nasty words and even straight up bullying (like what happened to me) do not legally rise to the definition of a hostile work environment no matter how hostile it feels.

[JKL33]

7 minutes ago, familychick said:

We need to get away from allowing nurses to eat their young.

We also most definitely need to QUIT and CANCEL the idea that everything not perfect represents being "eaten."

This is so dumb.

What you aren't acknowledging is that there are people in the world who will find fault with YOU for your silly little tape-recorder trick. There are plenty of them. Then what are you going to do. Get a lawyer and sue mega-corp??

How about building some personal skills that make it so that you don't have to be controlled by others and their nuttiness?

Who has time and emotional energy for the kind of HIGH-RISK show-downs that you're talking about?