Preceptor is a bully....

[Hardhands]

OK so here is the background:

I'm a new grad starting in the ER were I worked as a CNA for the last year of school. I am 40 years old and a guy.

I was assigned a preceptor who I knew would be tough but I have discovered that she is an abusive ***** (she actually said " my little sister who is not a nurse could get this!"). also she is not teaching me anything, just telling me how incompetent I am.

Now I know how to stand up for myself and all that, but I have a feeling that she is vindictive as hell and she is also one of the charge nurses.

I am not sure that complaining will help me because she will just say that I can't handle the job and that I am blaming her.

She has won awards and is a big deal in the eyes of the higher-ups....

She has also accumulated a lot of enemies in the ER with her abusive behavior but they all seem to be to scared to say anything...

So should I risk it?

I can probably survive, but have this annoying need to not let her get away with her bullying and abuse.

By the way I can totally handle the job ....

What I can't Handle is keeping quiet about all that I am witnessing and experiences.

Tell me what you think.

[Hoosier_RN, MSN]

On 11/4/2020 at 11:28 AM, explorereb96 said:

gender comes to mind

But if they're all the same gender, it's null

[RJHKRJ, LPN]

Hello,

as always follow your instinct. I had a very similar if not equal situation. When I complained about the behaviour, next week preceptor received Nurse of the Year and all management team greeted the Preceptor  (only 5 years working that facility -Hospital- and a drug abuse addiction problem. No judgement, but relevant). Another situation, a CMT replied to the Unit’s secretary inquiry about VS with: that’s *** patient. So I won’t do it hahaha. This patient was ESRD, recent AKA, DM2, and CTWO! No, she was not busy. She only talked about how she had two BAs, going to Nursing. School and having 4 kids. At this point (5 relentless months) decided to do as my ** recommended me: log it. Every comment, date/time/or shift, people present/situation. I did, long story short. I got retaliation and was fired. Took it to attorneys as well as recordings of the interactions to include conversations  about a manager telling me “my face was an issue, not saying hello enough, it looks you don’t want to be friends with co workers”,  really?  ? Needless to say, management found about talks with attorneys and guess what called to apologize. I was dumb enough to not pursue even though attorney stated we had a case. Why? Money, kids, rent, needing a job and not having savings (foolish I know ?‍♂️) Till this day I regret it. So, 

1. log it in case a change of preceptor doesn’t solve the situation, as in my case

2. go through the proper channels

3. ready to pursue? Mentioned everyone, why? Since more likely than not - as you mentioned, is her m.o. and management is very aware  

4. Have money save or start looking for another job PRN have your references in line before you set everything in motion  

5. ANA has a topic on Nurse bullying and to end it. We received an invitation to openly shared experiences such as “nurses eat their young” 

6. pray -this was my number one but everybody is different and I respect that.

PS: yes, name calling will make you loose an audience but in my experience often times those who can’t cast a stone are the ones pointing a finger. Heck, you should hear some of the comments the make when atop a fire ? What do you call an abusive person when you’ve had it? An Ahole, d**k or anything that comes to mind. You vented here not to her face (like most people do anyhow), and honestly why would anyone feel offended if they’re not that way? After the fact, sure name calling comes off as uneducated but right now, even I want to call her that. 

Good luck!

[RJHKRJ, LPN]

CIWA not CTWO 

[Anne Swepston, ASN, RN]

I will comment on this later ..... but for now, ABSOLUTELY NOT ! ! !

[RJHKRJ, LPN]

On 11/4/2020 at 11:45 AM, JKL33 said:

We also most definitely need to QUIT and CANCEL the idea that everything not perfect represents being "eaten."

This is so dumb.

What you aren't acknowledging is that there are people in the world who will find fault with YOU for your silly little tape-recorder trick. There are plenty of them. Then what are you going to do. Get a lawyer and sue mega-corp??

How about building some personal skills that make it so that you don't have to be controlled by others and their nuttiness?

Who has time and emotional energy for the kind of HIGH-RISK show-downs that you're talking about?

So, you ARE another bully or worse, a bystander? Yes, people will always find fault but that doesn’t mean you don’t have the right to be assertive. Speaking out requires more courage than keeping quiet.  

[Hoosier_RN, MSN]

7 hours ago, RJHKRJ said:

So, you ARE another bully or worse, a bystander? Yes, people will always find fault but that doesn’t mean you don’t have the right to be assertive. Speaking out requires more courage than keeping quiet.  

No, JKL33 is 100% right. Not everyone who cries bully is being bullied. I have a young tech that works in my clinic. If she doesn't get her way or gets in trouble for actions for her own doing, she cries bully. She has called our state corporate offices so many times that recently, the regional director came for a sit down with her. Explained that the common denominator in all of the accusations was her (tech). The tech then called the regional director a bully. Regional director told her that if she truly felt that way, she was welcome to explore employment opportunities elsewhere. Regional director also let the tech know that with threatening folks with turning them in for being a bully, that she is actually the bully. I'm wondering how things will go with this tech in the future.

My point being, there are some on here that many of their posts, they are being bullied, again. Yes, there are bullies everywhere I suppose. But since I've never worked with them that I'm aware, or I just didn't give them the satisfaction, I think personal reactions and victimhood play into some of these

[Tommy5677]

So if the regional director calls her a bully, informs her she is the common demominator, and then she calls him a bully, well, if this is taking place in a right to work state she needs to be terminated immediately without cause. She is a liability.

[Crystal-Wings, LVN]

4 minutes ago, Tommy5677 said:

So if the regional director calls her a bully, informs her she is the common demominator, and then she calls him a bully, well, if this is taking place in a right to work state she needs to be terminated immediately without cause. She is a liability.

My question would be why have they put up with this tech for so long? 

[RJHKRJ, LPN]

3 hours ago, Hoosier_RN said:

No, JKL33 is 100% right. Not everyone who cries bully is being bullied. I have a young tech that works in my clinic. If she doesn't get her way or gets in trouble for actions for her own doing, she cries bully. She has called our state corporate offices so many times that recently, the regional director came for a sit down with her. Explained that the common denominator in all of the accusations was her (tech). The tech then called the regional director a bully. Regional director told her that if she truly felt that way, she was welcome to explore employment opportunities elsewhere. Regional director also let the tech know that with threatening folks with turning them in for being a bully, that she is actually the bully. I'm wondering how things will go with this tech in the future.

My point being, there are some on here that many of their posts, they are being bullied, again. Yes, there are bullies everywhere I suppose. But since I've never worked with them that I'm aware, or I just didn't give them the satisfaction, I think personal reactions and victimhood play into some of these

Like I said, in my case I have -still to this day- proof. Trust me, someone close to me works in the legal system and ex military. Crying “bully” won’t help me if I’m the wrong. Usually the questions start with “what did you do? What you could’ve  done better”. This approach has kept me on my toes. I don’t gossip, don’t throw nobody under the bus. However, after my situation, I’ve learned that people will always talk and if so, why not let them talk while standing for oneself? Would you tell your kid or loved one the same reply? 
There’s a young guy that just started in our unit, preppy looking, blonde and the sort. I wish you could see the way EVERYBODY is towards him. I’m a firm believer in looking a both sides of the ?. I’m sure he’s done a couple of things, nobody is perfect. Again, based on my experience, I didn’t even talk much and even that got me the “it seems you don’t want to be friends” 

[Hoosier_RN, MSN]

3 hours ago, Crystal-Wings said:

My question would be why have they put up with this tech for so long? 

Because I have a schedule to fill and she does come in to work. She's just a jerk to be around. I'm hoping she gets her act together

[Hoosier_RN, MSN]

3 hours ago, RJHKRJ said:

Like I said, in my case I have -still to this day- proof. Trust me, someone close to me works in the legal system and ex military. Crying “bully” won’t help me if I’m the wrong.  ? 

I'm former military and not even sure how this relates to this subject

[RJHKRJ, LPN]

Then you are aware of the no drama type of mentality. Unless that wasn’t part of your training? What about resiliency and mental toughness? That’s what I’m referencing. I never had the chance/luxury (choose whatever adjective fits your liking) to be a victim. Like I mentioned, was trained to look at both sides of the coin/spectrum. 
 

Relates? ?

It relates since you mentioned, victim mentality. Based on my experience I’m more inclined to think he should look at other options rather than take it. My opinion though, could be wrong, right or needs improvement. Thanks be safe