I'm a new grad starting in the ER were I worked as a CNA for the last year of school. I am 40 years old and a guy.
I was assigned a preceptor who I knew would be tough but I have discovered that she is an abusive ***** (she actually said " my little sister who is not a nurse could get this!"). also she is not teaching me anything, just telling me how incompetent I am.
Now I know how to stand up for myself and all that, but I have a feeling that she is vindictive as hell and she is also one of the charge nurses.
I am not sure that complaining will help me because she will just say that I can't handle the job and that I am blaming her.
She has won awards and is a big deal in the eyes of the higher-ups....
She has also accumulated a lot of enemies in the ER with her abusive behavior but they all seem to be to scared to say anything...
So should I risk it?
I can probably survive, but have this annoying need to not let her get away with her bullying and abuse.
By the way I can totally handle the job ....
What I can't Handle is keeping quiet about all that I am witnessing and experiences.
I wonder if she's made a counter post somewhere saying "Hey everyone, I have to precept a 40 year old grown man who should know better about decency by this point in his life but still thinks it's acceptable to call a woman he works with '*****.'"
I get it. It would have been nicer to say she is unpleasant, inappropriate, purposely tries to insult new nurses by telling them that people who aren't even nurses are smarter about nursing than they are. Etc.
I find the label in question much more problematic when it is leveled against a woman who is simply being direct or assertive. But this certainly doesn't sound like that. This sounds like someone being an inappropriately mean and purposely insulting human being who, herself, is dealing with a grown man and probably not an idiot who knows less about nursing than her little sister does--no matter what shorter word might be substituted for all of that.
She absolutely meant to be insulting and she likely already knows the reaction it will get and the kind of rep that it earns her. This is how she engenders negative feelings in others so it can be everyone else's fault that she has some problem being a kind/friendly person.
I vote for playing it cool but not because I wouldn't "risk" confronting her. I simply think that s/he who controls her/himself is the one who ultimately wins.
Who wins when you worry more about an alleged bully than about learning patient care? They do. They have you over a barrel the minute you willfully agree to engage.
If she made a comment to me about her sister I woulda said, "Well, damn, that sucks! Show me how to not suck."
Throw her off her game and keep moving forward. She's likely waiting for you to throw some kind of fit or cry uncle in some way; then she can put you in a box with all the other terrible nurses who don't like her.
Or the bully has you over the barrel the minute you and all those others refuse to engage because she has her permission to to do it. But we all have our own approach. The above certainly is one approach and judging from the response I'm in the minority.
Or the bully has you over the barrel the minute you and all those others refuse to engage because she has her permission to to do it.
This may be one of those things that is dependent upon how one sees it. It's hard to feel over a barrel when one's mindset is that this troublemaker is soon going to be in the rearview mirror.**
On the other hand, one can try all they want to not feel over a barrel with the fight approach, but the very first thing that is going to happen if this OP wants to take that approach is that he is going to have to justify himself in various ways and open up the door for others to make all of their judgments and assumptions about him. This is what happens even in a near-best-case scenario; even if only under the pretense of deciding the validity of his complaint so that they can decide how to handle it. Worst case his complaint will be judged by people who struggle with concepts of neutrality and even-handedness. And he has no reputation or history with the company to back him up.
The other foundational problem here is that it isn't as if all of these mean people get either reformed or terminated once a complaint is made. They benefit the company in other ways and therefore are tolerated by higher ups. So the question then becomes just how much of this game do you want to play, and how much of your life do you really want wrapped up in it?
I don't like to engage in the space from which these people are operating. Maybe just a personal thing, but my experience has been that working from some other unexpected space is most successful. Besides, I am always reminded of the saying about rolling in the mud with pigs. That mud is always going to be dirty, but they like it. Since I personally don't, I won't be going there. "Going there" is to say = acknowledging their efforts. Much better to play an entirely different game.
**If playing it cool is clearly not going to be successful and the instigator proves they are willing to keep upping the ante, a different approach will be needed. BUT--at that point, it is more likely that the bullied individual will have more than a few choice examples of extremely poor behavior to then report/discuss. That's the whole key here. If you stay cool, they will either change their stride/give up or else they will up the ante, in which case there is plenty of material to bring their behavior clearly into question.
This may be one of those things that is dependent upon how one sees it. It's hard to feel over a barrel when one's mindset is that this troublemaker is soon going to be in the rearview mirror.**
On the other hand, one can try all they want to not feel over a barrel with the fight approach, but the very first thing that is going to happen if this OP wants to take that approach is that he is going to have to justify himself in various ways and open up the door for others to make all of their judgments and assumptions about him. This is what happens even in a near-best-case scenario; even if only under the pretense of deciding the validity of his complaint so that they can decide how to handle it. Worst case his complaint will be judged by people who struggle with concepts of neutrality and even-handedness. And he has no reputation or history with the company to back him up.
The other foundational problem here is that it isn't as if all of these mean people get either reformed or terminated once a complaint is made. They benefit the company in other ways and therefore are tolerated by higher ups. So the question then becomes just how much of this game do you want to play, and how much of your life do you really want wrapped up in it?
I don't like to engage in the space from which these people are operating. Maybe just a personal thing, but my experience has been that working from some other unexpected space is most successful. Besides, I am always reminded of the saying about rolling in the mud with pigs. That mud is always going to be dirty, but they like it. Since I personally don't, I won't be going there. "Going there" is to say = acknowledging their efforts. Much better to play an entirely different game.
**If playing it cool is clearly not going to be successful and the instigator proves they are willing to keep upping the ante, a different approach will be needed. BUT--at that point, it is more likely that the bullied individual will have more than a few choice examples of extremely poor behavior to then report/discuss. That's the whole key here. If you stay cool, they will either change their stride/give up or else they will up the ante, in which case there is plenty of material to bring their behavior clearly into question.
Understand.
For me I don't get in the mud with them and I play it cool. But I also speak up and do not accept unacceptable behavior. Perhaps as a guy with an easy going personality I'm rarely bullied. But people will know when they've crossed a line with me. Sometimes the aftermath is messy and uncomfortable. People want to avoid that.
For me I don't get in the mud with them and I play it cool. But I also speak up and do not accept unacceptable behavior. Perhaps as a guy with an easy going personality I'm rarely bullied. But people will know when they've crossed a line with me. Sometimes the aftermath is messy and uncomfortable. People want to avoid that.
I like it! Pretty much same except that my line sounds like it's just a little further out than yours, which wasn't always that way. I feel overall it has been very worthwhile for me to learn to prioritize what I even remotely choose to get upset about. I'm over that feeling of having to react and I enjoy being beyond that; I feel it is better for me/my personality. Maybe I've gone too far in the other direction! All I know is that involving management is extremely rare, probably because it's mostly unnecessary. These people simply lose power if you project a persona that they know they can't break. I go head-to-head very rarely; I will do it if/when it gets to the point that I know my doing so means you'll be leaving and I'll be staying. ???♀️
I like it! Pretty much same except that my line sounds like it's just a little further out than yours, which wasn't always that way. I feel overall it has been very worthwhile for me to learn to prioritize what I even remotely choose to get upset about. I'm over that feeling of having to react and I enjoy being beyond that; I feel it is better for me/my personality. Maybe I've gone too far in the other direction! All I know is that involving management is extremely rare, probably because it's mostly unnecessary. These people simply lose power if you project a persona that they know they can't break. I go head-to-head very rarely; I will do it if/when it gets to the point that I know my doing so means you'll be leaving and I'll be staying. ???♀️
Yeah your line might be further. I have a high tolerance for BS most days and I do pick and choose where my energy is spent. I also try to look at the other's perspective...are they stressed, tired or just need to vent. Is there something legitimate for them to be upset with me about? It's rare that someone crosses the line with me but when they do I make sure they listen so they don't have permission to do it further or ever again.
I also find that sometimes you get what you give. If I'm a team player, mostly in an easy going positive frame of mind, don't sweat the small stuff, I find that people generally give that back.
The unit staff knows darn well when they have new staff assigned to a crusty or ditzy preceptor. In my experience you get big points for being able to work with the challenging preceptor and learn something too. Your preceptor is probably very smart, and well respected for her clinical care. This too shall pass, just make yourself look good while you get through it.
I'm curious to know what has life been like working with her the past year? You didn't just notice her behavior and she didn't just become unbearable, or was she? I also noticed, from personal experience, some nurses can't handle when you're a CNA who they looked down on and became their peers so now they can't shout orders at you. The first mistake was working as a nurse on a unit of which you were a CNA. It just won't last, well for me it didn't. I left and got a new job because the disrespect was never-ending and like your situation, management was well aware of the jerky behavior but unwilling to do anything about it. I'm sure management in your facility knows but would rather put up with her than deal with it. I caution you to pick your battles wisely because sometimes HR is useless!
you just started...still being precepted...you're being watched whether you know it or not. people in the ER aren't stupid...they know what she's like...that's a given. What's not determined is how well you can her difficult personality and continue to do your job well without getting into a conflict with her.
Take the high road and accept what she has to "offer"...learn from it as best you can. It'll be over soon and you'll be own your own...with the respect/admiration of your co-workers whether or not they choose to publicly acknowledge your dedication and perserverance. In the end...you win out!
The best revenge is to pay close attention why she so good at what she does. She is probably unaware that she is upsetting people since nobody has been addressing her behavior.
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I wonder if she's made a counter post somewhere saying "Hey everyone, I have to precept a 40 year old grown man who should know better about decency by this point in his life but still thinks it's acceptable to call a woman he works with '*****.'"
You lost me at lewd name calling. Good luck.