I'm brand new to this board, having just registered after searching the Internet for some support for the families of nursing students. My wife, always the love of my life, is just finishing up her next-to-last semester of nursing school. I want to continue being as supportive as possible; we and our children discussed the demands of nursing school before she started, and all along we've seen this getting-RN-licensure thing as a family endeavor.
The strain on our relationship is becoming tremendous, though. My wife doesn't have time to do the things around the house that she'd like to do, which is fine with me; I don't mind doing them. No matter what I do, though, it's never quite exactly the way she would do it, and when she sees it, she explodes. I understand that she's tense and under a lot of pressure right now, but I and our kids are increasingly unhappy--which makes it hard to be available to the woman we all love dearly.
We just bought a house, and I did most of the packing and unpacking. Nothing was broken, but I seem to have packed things illogically. With a completely different kitchen than we had before, my wife was at first frustrated with how things were put away, so she pulled everything out and left it all over the counter. After a couple weeks went by during which she wasn't able to find time/energy/motivation to put the things away and repeatedly turned down offers for someone else to do it, she finally said that I could put the food away. I talked with her about where she wanted things, and she said she really didn't know, and feeling overwhelmed was part of the reason she hadn't done it yet. I got what input I could, and when she agreed I understood what she wanted, I spent several hours organizing the kitchen while she was away. She came home to tell me how stupid and illogical it all was, pulled things out again, threw them on the counter, and ran crying into the bedroom.
We didn't cook our turkey until today, because she didn't feel up to it and didn't want me to do it. Today she was stressed again, yelling at the kids for wanting to help or for not helping, and at me for doing everything wrong. She'd picked out a tangerine glazed turkey recipe she wanted to try, but then wasn't up to doing it; she broke down because we couldn't find where the tnagerine juicer had been packed, and it hadn't been found and put away yet. I prepared the turkey according to the recipe while she relaxed with a video game (much-needed down time; I don't begrudge her the game in the tiniest bit). I juiced the tangerines wrong. I put too many garlic cloves in the bird. I followed the recipe for the potato-rosemary rolls she wanted, but used powdered rosemary instead of dried crushed rosemary, which made the kitchen smell too strongly of rosemary, and the dough was the wrong texture so she said we should just throw the whole thing out instead of baking it. I wondered if our yeast was too old, and looked up how to test it, then followed the directions to the last detail; apparently, though, it wasn't right because I didn't use a thermometer to measure "lukewarm," used the wrong shaped cup to test the yeast in, and just generally did it all wrong. I've also been making our bed wrong, vacuuming wrong, loading the dishwasher wrong, doing the laundry wrong, etc.
I really do understand that she's under a lot of stress right now, and feels like all the demands of nursing school leave her feeling like there's not enough in her life that's within her sphere of control. Also, a couple months ago we went to a cookout with some of her classmates, and their families voiced frustration and difficulty with the strains nursing school placed on their relationships. One suggested that the university should offer a support group for the spouses of nursing students. Beyond agreeing vaguely that it's "difficult," though, I didn't (and wouldn't) say anything about my wife or our personal relationship; I don't believe in that kind of gossiping.
I love my wife. Going to nursing school, working (about 8 hours/week), and being part of a family is a pretty big load. At the same time, I'm working, too, and attending school long-distance to finish my MBA in health care management. I also do almost all the parenting and other house/home upkeep right now. I don't mind doing these things
I'm hoping that someone here can offer some insight into the stresses of the last half-year of nursing school, and how other spouses have both coped themselves and supported their nursing students. What strategies have helped marriages survive this difficult period? What can I do to ease the strain on my wife so that she can feel happier with her home life? How can I help???
