i have a problem, and i am wondering if anyone out there has gone through a similar experience.
first, a little introduction to my problem...
my wife was in the nursing program at our local community college a few years back. she was doing really well and was living her dream to one day become a nurse. the problem was that her ex-husband was not supportive at all and did not understand how much time and dedication it takes to get through nursing school. she was juggling home life, plus taking care of her 2 teenage and 1 elementary age daughters, plus going to school full-time, and was doing well. however, on one particular day, she told me that her ex got so upset about the fact that all she did was study with her group (he even accused her of having numerous affairs on the side and that the study groups were just an excuse to get out of the house) that on one clinical day morning he made her 5 minutes late to her clinicals. the nursing instructor would not allow my wife to attend the clinicals, even though she was 5 minutes late, and therefor failed her for that clinical rotation. my wife was so upset that she literally gave up and quit going to nursing school. that was in 2000 or 2001, if i remember correctly.
well needless to say, she decided that enough was enough and she divorced this (add your own colorful metaphor here) and was working at a ltc facility, where i met her in 2004. we hit it off and got married in 2006 and are truly very happy together and have a story book marriage. :kiss
she now works as a mental health tech at the local state psych hospital and one of her supervisors says that she should go back because she thinks that my wife would make an excellent nurse. my wife is very outgoing, has a great personality, and is strong willed. i know she would not let anyone take advantage or try to run her over, so to speak. my wife and i discussed her going back to school at the community college about a year ago, and upon further investigation, they told us that too much time had passed since she was last enrolled and that she would have to start from the ground up again. as you can imagine, my wife was pretty disappointed and did not want to have to start all over again.
now since her supervisor has talked to her, it has once again started to rekindle her desire again. however, she is somewhat negative at times about going back. there is a school here, anamarc, that has an lvn program that is only 16 months long, and i tell her to go talk to the admissions peopple there and see what they tell her. her 3 main excuses for not going back are:
1. "i'm too old to go back to school." she is only 43 years young!!
2. "i can't because of our 3 yr old son." her supervisor said that she was in a similar dysfunctional relationship and had small children as well at the time, and she was able to do it.
3. "it is too expensive." i tell her to apply to financial aid to see what they tell her; at least get some sort of stafford loan or something. i tell her, "where there's a will, there's a way."
like i said earler, it has been my wife's life long dream to become a nurse, and i know she has the ability to do it; it's just getting her to take that first step. of course i would help her in any shape or form possible to help her achieve her dream.
if there is anyone out there that has been in a similar situation or has any suggestions that i may have overlooked, i would greatly appreciate hearing them. i want my wife to be a nurse!
I too was in a bad marriage years ago with three small children and had to drop out of nursing school due to total lack of support and other issues. I am now remarried to wonder-man, the best husband in the world, and he is encouraging me to go for it again because he knows how much I would love it and have always wanted to go back. We have a 21 month old now, which equals four children. I am applying for school and hoping to be accepted in the nursing (LPN) program January 2010. Keep encouraging your wife and talk to her about ways you will help simplify things at home for her. She may be scared about trying to handle school and home responsibilities. Good luck!!
She should definitely go back to school if it is her dream to be a nurse. I will start NS this next fall at the young age of 49. It's never too late and like one of the posters said, we get older each year whether we use that year wisely or not. It's great that she will have your full support, you sound just like my husband. We are two lucky ladies!
Possibly an unpopular opinion, however I don't think she should go if she has to be encouraged to. Nursing school and the profession as a whole is too hard for someone unsure, which she sounds like. I would just let her know that if she eventually DOES decide to, she will have your support.
While I totally admire your supportiveness of your wife, I sense that there's something she's not telling you about her reasons for not wanting to return to nursing school. Heck, she may not even be aware of the real reasons herself! Often, when we're afraid of something, we offer up excuses that may sound logical, but can be easily debunked. Is it possible that being a nurse is not her dream anymore?
I get the sense that she's afraid, more than anything. Childcare, finances, and even age are definitely valid concerns, but thousands of nursing students across the country find ways to deal with all these issues and more when they're passionate about achieving the goal.
I'm not knocking your wife, by any stretch of the imagination. I'm just wondering if maybe her priorities have changed. Or if she was so scarred by her first negative nursing school experience that she doesn't want to put herself through that again. Or maybe she's just not all that into it now, not into the insane amounts of work it is, all these years later, and is telling you what she thinks you want to hear (that she still wants to be a nurse, but...). I don't know you or your wife, so I'm just speculating here.
Age: Being "too old" to go to nursing school is just plain silly, as your frustration with this argument indicates. LOL. The average age of a nursing student in this country is 33. I am 40. I'm getting ready to graduate in May. The oldest in my class is in her 60s. The youngest is 19. She could be a nurse by, say, age 46. That's a good 20+ more years in the workforce.
Childcare: Challenging, yes. Impossible? Absolutely not. I believe you said you're a nurse, right? Assuming you work 3 12s (I know, never assume), you'd have some flexibility to be able to hang with your son. And you mentioned that your wife has three older kids. Perhaps they could contribute to the childcare issues. I know it's not easy, but I've seen people in my school alone, like many of the posters here, who have 2, 3, even 4 little kids, are pregnant and/or delivering at various points during their nursing education...they seem to be motivated by keeping their eye on the prize -- the understanding that a little bit of sacrifice now will pay off later. And it's not like they never see their kids -- they do things like take local weekend trips, etc., during school breaks and such. It's doable.
Finances. Hundreds of thousands of nursing students figure out ways to finance their education each year, knowing that their financial situation will improve when they're a nurse; a reward for a couple of years of financial sacrifice. I also hear that there are a lot of scholarships out there in the world that often go unclaimed simply because people don't know of their existence.
I guess the most important thing you can do is to listen to what she's NOT saying. I guess the most important question you can ask yourself is: Is this your dream, or hers? I think a previous poster said that. Good luck to you and your family as you continue to explore the issue!
She has every right to be scared. :) I bet if you give her some time and just love her and support her she'll go back when she is ready. It's hard to deal with the emotional aftershocks of a bad marriage and not expect the same thing to happen all over again, even if current hubby is the best (which you sound like to me). She's listed some valid (in her mind) points, but I bet there are things she has left unspoken.
Gosh, that sounds just like my boyfriend. I went to a study group once and he made me feel horribly guilty about it, and anytime I mention a guy's name or a classmate calls me (for group work), he assumes I'm having an affair with them.
Depends on the school peeps. My friend failed because she was 10 minutes late ONCE! The instructor didn't give her any slack, and wouldn't allow her to stay. She had to go to the Dean of the school to get back in the program and wouldn't get in until the following semester.
As for you wife, well IDK, as you said when there is a will there is a way. When there is a will not to go, there is no way to go.
Specializes in critical care; community health; psych.
I think it's wonderful you are so supportive. She doesn't need convincing. She needs conviction and she needs to come to her own decision in her own time. That's not something you or anyone else can give her. If I may be so bold, she needs to know you will support her decision whether she chooses to go back to school or chooses not to. The operative word is choice. Her ex pulled her one way and it sounds like you're doing the same thing. The only difference is the direction.
Gosh, that sounds just like my boyfriend. I went to a study group once and he made me feel horribly guilty about it, and anytime I mention a guy's name or a classmate calls me (for group work), he assumes I'm having an affair with them.
Happened to me too. Needless to say that it didn't last very long. One semester. Thanks to him I failed first term, and then I kicked him to the curve!
She has to go back for hersellf not because anyone thinks she would be great. Whatever her reasons may be for not returning, she wont be successful unless she does it for her. I am 38 and have many failed attempts at returning to school for my RN. I have a 20 mth old son, 3 yr son, and 5 1/2 old daughter but Im back in school now because Im finally ready and Im doing it for my own self fulfillment. Continue being supportive and whem she is ready she will go back. Tell her that its only too late when you are dead!
redranger
363 Posts
Sound like you want her to be a Nurse more than she wants to be a Nurse.....