Patients Say the Darnedest Things

[allnurses]

With some of the things patients say, Nurses sometimes wonder if they are on a hidden camera TV show! Weird, wacky or even touching, those phrases stick with us. Think of your favorite thing a patient has said, submit it in the comments below and you'll be entered to win a $250 amazon.com gift card!

Winner will be announced May 16, 2017

UPDATE June 5, 2017

The winner of the $250 amazon.com gift card for favorite thing a patient has said from allnurses.com is user jndmj30 for:

Nurse: "do you check your blood sugar at home?"

Patient:"I used to but all it ever said was High"

Congratulations!

2017 National Nurses Week - 7 Days of Giveaways

[Windybgood]

Making rounds with a surgeon one evening, he asked a confused elderly man if there was anything he wanted or needed. Not missing a beat, nor cracking a smile, the old man says " a colt 45, a Marlboro and some *****..."

[ClaraRedheart, BSN, RN]

"I'm so sorry for waking you." says the patient who just pressed the call bell to the night nurse.

[PeachyNurse87]

Patient: " Help, help, I'm goin' into labor "

( 87 y/o)

Do you known what you're having, a boy or girl?

Patient: " I'm having a litter of puppies! Five black and white puppies! "

[LilligoldRN]

Me: "Do you have any other concrens?"

Patient: " Oh! I have a crack in my butt."

This is a true story. The patient was serious. She had a small paper cut like scratch on her bottom.

[PeachyNurse87]

Patient walks up to the nurse's station, says I'd like to pay for another night here.

[CoolKidsRN]

While following up via phone regarding a 5 year old patient with a staph infection...

Me: How is the little one doing?

Mom: He is taking his antibiotics and he is feeling much better....

Meanwhile, child steals the phone and says, "Nurse, I'm drinking bug juice" -- referring to the clindamycin

[Rin074]

Nurse: How do you feel today?

Patient: I feel with my hands

🤗

[Catfish8]

An elderly female who was having a difficult time getting off the bedside commode, even with assistance. She passed gas loudly and exclaimed, "Good grief, I can't even get up when I am jet-propelled!"

[spotangel, DNP, RN, NP]

Triage patient who is a Nursing student , with a possible strep throat trying to impress me with her terminology as I look down her throat with a penlight, "You must be looking down at my vulva!"

[roete37]

"How long does it take these suppositories to work after you eat them? I've eaten 4 and nothing's happened."

[djh123]

"How long does it take these suppositories to work after you eat them? I've eaten 4 and nothing's happened."

Oh my God that's a riot! Reminds me of a thing I saw in nursing school that supposedly actually happened: a patient was being taught about insulin and syringes, and someone demonstrated injecting the orange w/the insulin. The person supposedly ended up in the ER because instead of giving themselves insulin appropriately, they were injecting it into an orange and then eating the orange!!!

[Davey Do]

These are some memes and cartoons based on true things patients said...