Patients Say the Darnedest Things

[allnurses]

With some of the things patients say, Nurses sometimes wonder if they are on a hidden camera TV show! Weird, wacky or even touching, those phrases stick with us. Think of your favorite thing a patient has said, submit it in the comments below and you'll be entered to win a $250 amazon.com gift card!

Winner will be announced May 16, 2017

UPDATE June 5, 2017

The winner of the $250 amazon.com gift card for favorite thing a patient has said from allnurses.com is user jndmj30 for:

Nurse: "do you check your blood sugar at home?"

Patient:"I used to but all it ever said was High"

Congratulations!

2017 National Nurses Week - 7 Days of Giveaways

[JennyMac]

I'm a school nurse, and this week has been rough on the kiddos with allergies. Two second-graders have been spending the better part of the school day with me for a few days.

Me: "You look much better, you have to try to go to class. I can't just keep you guys here all day everyday."

Little boy: "It's springtime, this is your life now!!!"

As I burst out laughing, he adds, "Until June, you have to deal with this!"

[jndmj30]

Nurse: "do you check your blood sugar at home?"

Patient:"I used to but all it ever said was High"

[ReadyToListen, CNA, EMT-B]

I was checking blood sugar for a nice lady, newly diagnosed type 1. Didn't phase her at all and she asked for the reading. I stated clearly "your blood sugar is 103." She got an unhappy expression and said "No! I want it to be zero." Her friend says, "I think you'd be dead."

[AmirandaRN]

Patient (with his wife in the room) who recently had ativan... says "You are the prettiest nurse Ive ever seen" Then to his wife "Give me some singles" He thought his IV pole was a stripper pole! LOL

[Sjluczak]

I walked into my patient's who room that was receiving dialysis and eating Cheetos. I told her to give put the Cheetos away because she is NPO and can NOT eat until her Gap closes (frequent DKA patient)... She yells at me saying "Cheetos gone close my gap!".

[traumaholic, BSN, RN]

I was translating for a doctor once and I asked the patient if she had done any drugs. She was maybe 75 years old. She said no at first, then said "a little marijuana" and after a few seconds of golden silence, she said "ok I smoked a little meth"

[mrsamjones]

Educating patient on ambulation with her walker. It's a hospital rolling walker with springs in the front. She looks at me and says, " I got hydraulics now!"

[Rose_Queen, BSN, MSN, RN]

From a 7 year-old:

"The quarter isn't in me anymore."

Bet that quarter ended up being worth a lot more than $0.25!

[djh123]

"If you don't learn to behave, we're going to have to put you in some kind of home!" Said one resident to another in the locked memory care facility where I worked.

Ha ha - I heard something similar a couple of weeks ago. A guy with Alzheimer's said to someone he was arguing with in the dining room that 'you should be in some kind of FACILITY!'.

[djh123]

My wonderful multiple-personality lady said "I wish I hadn't married you" one day. I was totally crushed, of course...

[Andymae]

you know the saying customers are always right, well I am technically the customer so I would like dilaudid please.

[Kingjm]

When going over pre-op instructions for a vasectomy & the fact that the doctor prefers pt to wear compression

underwear or something similar for several days post op--he says" Well, I've never worn whitey tighties before, I guess there's a first

for everything!"