Patients Say the Darnedest Things

Nurses General Nursing

Published

With some of the things patients say, Nurses sometimes wonder if they are on a hidden camera TV show! Weird, wacky or even touching, those phrases stick with us. Think of your favorite thing a patient has said, submit it in the comments below and you'll be entered to win a $250 amazon.com gift card!

Winner will be announced May 16, 2017

UPDATE June 5, 2017

The winner of the $250 amazon.com gift card for favorite thing a patient has said from allnurses.com is user jndmj30 for:

Nurse: "do you check your blood sugar at home?"

Patient:"I used to but all it ever said was High"

Congratulations!

2017 National Nurses Week - 7 Days of Giveaways

Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
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Specializes in PCCN.

"Hey, can you hand me that phone? I have to call 911 and have them take me to the hospital", says the elderly admitted patient....

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Specializes in PCCN.
An elderly female who was having a difficult time getting off the bedside commode, even with assistance. She passed gas loudly and exclaimed, "Good grief, I can't even get up when I am jet-propelled!"

haha, I had an elderly guy ( like 90's)once who did that as he got up from sitting at the side of the bed- he yelled "Blast-off!!!! while passing gas. I had to walk out after to laugh.

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Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
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Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
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"I just blew the lid off in there twice"

-86 year old lady after she used the toilet

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Pregnant mother being questioned about taking any medications or recreational drugs Before coming into hospital to which she obviously replies "nothing"

father of the baby's honest reply " cmon babe just tell her the truth. Everyone bumps a line now and then."

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Specializes in ED.

My husband (a larger black man) was in a nursing home for two weeks mending from a broken hip. One of the residents was known for being grabby and mean, so when I visited I kept my 4 year old close. When we were discharged, she started to grab at my son, so my husband gave her the stink eye. She almost climbed up the nurse beside her and said "I'm scared of black people". Made everyone laugh.

One of my drunk ER patients I was disrobing mentioned "did you ever see anything like that in all your life". I said "unfortunately all too often and I'm not impressed".

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Walking into a male patients room to pull his foley. "Alright time to grip it and rip it, lets go!"

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In vaccination room: father said.." Hey, u are the nurse who has a black heart! You made all the children cry!"

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Specializes in NICU.
Triage patient who is a Nursing student , with a possible strep throat trying to impress me with her terminology as I look down her throat with a penlight, "You must be looking down at my vulva!"

That's one powerful penlight you've got, spotangel! :)

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We had an A&O X 4, 80 year old female patient who was admitted to a med- surg unit for failed outpatient treatment of Pneumonia. During morning assessment, the patients respiratory status had improved but the patient verbalize c/o s/s of a lady partsl yeast infection.

Patient: Do you guys have a turkey baster and some vinegar?

Nurse: No. Why do you need a turkey baster and vinegar?

Patient: I need to clean it out down there and that's what I use at home.

I have never looked at a turkey baster the same 😜!

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