Patients come in all demeanors and as nurses you've certainly seen some doozies. Patients (and their families) definitely say some laugh-worthy things during their time in your care. In honor of National Nurses Week 2019, we want you to share your hilarious patient sayings, quotes or stories in the comments below. Thanks to InstruSafe, you could win $200!
About InstruSafe
InstruSafe is a worldwide provider of surgical instrument protection solutions. From sterile processing to the operating room and back, it is our goal to develop and manufacture products of the highest quality and standards. Our highest priority is to improve surgical outcomes, increase long term savings and aid in patient safety. Our products are engineered with the customer in mind. To ensure the highest level of quality, we subject our tray designs to industry standards such as AAMI so our customers never have to compromise top level service and patient care.
A 107 year old patient pointed to my sister who was working with me that day. "Who's that?" I replied "Karen, my sister." The woman smiled and her expression was that of total disbelief, she replied "That thing is your sister?".
I was assessing a 22 year old male patient for abdominal pain. I asked him when the last time he had a bowel movement was. He looked at me like I lost my mind, thought for a second, and then asked "Do you mean take a sh*t?".
When I was a student, I was admitting a 90+ female. When asked if anyone forced themselve on her in the last year, she straight-faced answered with "I wish!" With a twinkle in her eye. I blushed and she laughed. "Gotcha ya!" She says.
A rather cantankerous and intimidating male patient yells, "get me out of this Rest Hell!" over and over. The name of the facility was actually "Rest Haven".
I was taking medical history for admission and asking about breast issues. The elderly female patient replied, " I don't have breasts anymore, but I still have the bags they came in."
Specializes in Med-Surg., LTC,, OB/GYN, L& D,, Office.
Working in an OB-Gyn Office was for the most part, a rather pleasant work environment, and it was the day as part of her new patient history, I asked if any and what types of birth control had been used...to which she answered..." I locked the bedroom door..." I kept a straight face and couldn't help chuckling to myself about how varied the response and the percentage of success...
Had a 101 year old patient that was slightly confused. Her son brought in a picture from her 101st birthday party where an Elvis impersonator came. Anytime someone new walked into her to room, she would say "Elvis came to my birthday party a few weeks ago. He kissed me on the cheek and I haven't washed it since!"
A patient came in for a glue stick stuck in his rectum. I explained the dangers of using glue the way he did, to what he replied: "Don't worry, it's non-toxic".
While working in the ED, I had a patient in his 30s diagnosed with pericarditis. While I was checking his vitals, his mom was on the phone with a family member and she said “the doctor says he’s got parakeets”. I almost died holding in my laughter.
Trampledunderfoot, LPN
77 Posts
At dinner time, trying to coax a patient to eat. I asked why he didn't want his food. He replied "It's all yuckified!"