Patients Say the Darnedest Things Nurses Week Contest

[Brian S.]

Patients come in all demeanors and as nurses you've certainly seen some doozies. Patients (and their families) definitely say some laugh-worthy things during their time in your care. In honor of National Nurses Week 2019, we want you to share your hilarious patient sayings, quotes or stories in the comments below. Thanks to InstruSafe, you could win $200!

About InstruSafe

InstruSafe is a worldwide provider of surgical instrument protection solutions. From sterile processing to the operating room and back, it is our goal to develop and manufacture products of the highest quality and standards. Our highest priority is to improve surgical outcomes, increase long term savings and aid in patient safety. Our products are engineered with the customer in mind. To ensure the highest level of quality, we subject our tray designs to industry standards such as AAMI so our customers never have to compromise top level service and patient care.

[Bumperphat]

While drawing labs on an Ob-Gyn patient I asked her when she was due. She answered me in her serious voice "I'm pass time,but the doctor said if I don't have it by next week he may have to seduce me"

[Janice Marks]

Asking a 93 year old male pre-op patient, “Have you ever had anesthesia?” His reply was, “I don’t know. What’s she look like?”

[Bumperphat]

While doing SNV on a Sunday my 86 y/o dementia patient's spouse was trying to get him to wear a suit to church. She took the suit down and laid it on the bed,then she preceded to instruct him to put the suit on .He refused and said i want to wear this . He held up his Ducken's as he called them and a old worn out shirt.As the 2 went back and forth about the clothes the pt yelled "Hell !!! I'm not wearing that, Jesus wants souls not clothes! "We had to laugh and he left the house in his Duckens.

[Scmanfre]

I had a family member come in to visit a patient who had just come back from surgery with a chest tube in. The lady asked me if the blue water in the chest tube was Windex. I stopped for a minute thinking she was joking but unfortunately she was not she was serious ?

[HppyRN]

Taking an elderly dementia patient to the bathroom, he sits on the toilet looks at me with genuine sincerity and seriousness and says "Well? I guess you're wondering why we're all gathered here today? I don't have all day. Let's get this interview started!" ?

[Melissa Stacy]

My confused fall precautions patient set her bed alarm off for the 50th time last night. I rush in saying to her “let’s lay down and get back in bed,”, to which she immediately states “fine, but do you have ANY idea how long it took me to crawl out of there?!” (Uh, yes, yes I do!!!!)

[vmbennett, BSN]

Patient said- the problem is obesity runs in our family.

Nurse said- no, the problem is no one runs in your family!!!

[vmbennett, BSN]

Yes, that was very loud sir, but I said I wanted to hear your HEART!!!

[Nanci Tenney]

I specialize in dementia care and have repeatedly been told only "special" people can do that kind of care... Any one who is not a nurse would take offense to being referred to as "special"..

[smellyacres, BSN, RN]

We had a resident dementia patient on our tele unit for quite a long time due to placement issues. He used to stand outside his room by the nurses station and greet people.

A patient’s wife walked up to the desk and he looked at HER and said, “If I didn’t know any better I would say that was a toupee on your head!”

[Avill, BSN, RN]

Asking a 90-year old patient how old she is.

"Oh I don't know, I think 16?"

[Bobbii2]

? ¿Huh?