Patients who love their sick role

Sugarcoma, RN · Dec 10, 2013

This is my mother. No one, and I mean NO ONE is sicker, in more pain, (physical and emotional) than she is. She is the self-proclaimed epitome of misery, and no one DARE suggest that she might want to try something different. Y'know, to get "better". And God help whoever has the gall to complain about their own pain. Psssh! "You don't KNOW pain"...When she gets herself hospitalized (usually by overdose) all are expected to rush to her side and cater to her every whim and fancy. She will run nurses ragged at the hospital, and family ragged at home. She has my very disabled father doing all of the chores, cooking, bringing her food and fetching the plate from her when she's done so she can sit on her butt on the couch and do nothing. She's perfectly capable, just wants to be waited on. In my experience, people like her who are "needy" in the hospital are tyrants at home.

OMG this is my mother as well. Drives me crazy and is the source of my dislike for these types of patients. Every time I talk to my mother or one of these types of people I have to bite my tongue to keep from quoting Dolly Parton "Get down off the cross honey, someone else needs the wood!"

They are tyrants ruling their homes with iron fists and woe be unto the one who doesn't fall in line.

Sugarcoma, RN · Dec 10, 2013

HAHA! This post made my day!
I'm one of eight children, and my father was a paramedic/firefighter, so there was no mercy when it came to injuries/illness. My Dad could give stitches and splint broken fingers/toes, and my mom firmly believed tylenol cured everything.
I once got a giant roofing nail stuck in my foot and all the yanking in the world wouldn't pull it out, so I waited several hours for my Dad to come home. He said if he could pry car accident victims out of crushed vehicles, he could get the nail out. He got a pair of pliers and eventually extracted it (after MUCH effort), and I got an icepack and a popsicle. Case closed, no special attention beyond being teased when I couldn't walk on the foot for a few days.
I'd be freaked out getting that much attention for being ill, even if it was serious!

AHAHAHA this post should of came with a warning! I almost spewed coffee all over the keyboard I laughed so hard. Talk about old school do it yourself. Thank God you never needed an appy lol! I picture a small child strapped to a picnic table while a burly paramedic wielding a rusty knife gruffly says "stop crying its not that bad, when were done mom will get you some tylenol" HAHAHAHAHA

imintrouble, BSN, RN · Dec 10, 2013

I wish our physical therapy dept would discuss mobility and strength trng with the pts who receive this service. In our hospital that's about 60%.

I've given this a lot of thought.

Sometimes when I get report I don't recognize the pt we're talking about. The pt who walks with a walker during the day, demands a bedpan at night. The pt who gives their own bath, expects peri care during the night. Pts who feed themselves all three meals, can't hold their pill cup or water glass at 2100 med pass.

Therapy is dropping the ball. There should be a list of objectives on the wall that detail exactly what the pt is required to do to continue therapy. That way we're all on the same page. There aren't nurses waiting on pts hand and foot because it's faster.

Making objectives black and white, written where all can see including family, eliminates variances in care.

None of us should worry about getting in trouble for being nurses, instead of baby sitters.

TU RN, DNP, CRNA · Dec 10, 2013

People DO have very unrealistic expectations of modern medicine -- probably because on television, there is no one so sick than cannot be saved by a heroic doctor within an hourlong show. That's a societal problem, and good fodder for a whole 'nother thread.
Patient Y's family is probably having a lot of trouble coming to terms with the fact that if she dies, her social security check ceases to arrive in the mailbox. they're not worried about the hospital bill because they have no intention of paying it anyway.

I've heard this too about the social security checks. For one, it's despicable to take advantage of a safety net that could otherwise be granted to someone else in more dire need. Moreover, how heartless to virtually imprison your "loved one" to a low quality hospital life in the process.

applewhitern, BSN, RN · Dec 11, 2013

Unfortunately, my hospital fully expects us to cater to every whim. They take every complaint dead seriously, no matter how unrealistic or trivial it is. Blows me away. They would rather us make the patients invalids, instead of encouraging patient's to get well.

duskyjewel · Dec 11, 2013

Sounds like my future mother-in-law. Except it's her son she runs ragged. "Take the dogs out, go get me some mint chip custard, come up here and find this thing in my room that I don't feel like strapping on the leg for, get me some water, go buy me this, put gas in the car because I'm too lazy to learn how..." The list goes on. I mean, c'mon lady, I know you're got one prosthetic leg and all, but you've had it for something like SIX YEARS and you drive yourself to those consignment stores and 30 minutes away to get manicures. You can do it, I swear.

If he actually allows this, DO NOT marry him, and no I am not kidding. You wanna play second fiddle to that all your life? Because you will. You want to be left alone during your own crises because his mom "needs" him? (And she will make sure to have some breakdown every time you really need him.) If he caters to her and actually does the things you list here, you and your kids will never come first. Never.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Dec 11, 2013

If he actually allows this, DO NOT marry him, and no I am not kidding. You wanna play second fiddle to that all your life? Because you will. You want to be left alone during your own crises because his mom "needs" him? (And she will make sure to have some breakdown every time you really need him.) If he caters to her and actually does the things you list here, you and your kids will never come first. Never.

I second this.

sammiesmom · Dec 11, 2013

I wish our physical therapy dept would discuss mobility and strength trng with the pts who receive this service. In our hospital that's about 60%. I've given this a lot of thought. Sometimes when I get report I don't recognize the pt we're talking about. The pt who walks with a walker during the day demands a bedpan at night. The pt who gives their own bath, expects peri care during the night. Pts who feed themselves all three meals, can't hold their pill cup or water glass at 2100 med pass. Therapy is dropping the ball. There should be a list of objectives on the wall that detail exactly what the pt is required to do to continue therapy. That way we're all on the same page. There aren't nurses waiting on pts hand and foot because it's faster. Making objectives black and white, written where all can see including family, eliminates variances in care. None of us should worry about getting in trouble for being nurses, instead of baby sitters.[/quote']
You made an excellent point! PT should totally tell patients what is expected of them and their role in getting better and how the suggestion of NH comes about. It is hard for me as a nurse to make patients do their ADLs. One time, a patient straight out told me, that cleaning up is my job. Then, the damn HCAPs came out and it is saying it is indeed my job. Ugh sometimes I hate nursing.

liketheairport · Dec 11, 2013

If he actually allows this, DO NOT marry him, and no I am not kidding. You wanna play second fiddle to that all your life? Because you will. You want to be left alone during your own crises because his mom "needs" him? (And she will make sure to have some breakdown every time you really need him.) If he caters to her and actually does the things you list here, you and your kids will never come first. Never.

Eh, she's got one foot in the grave already. He's getting better about it. And yes, I've mentioned this many, many times to him.

And if we did get married, I'd be putting my foot down. Trust me, I'm more stubborn than she is and I absolutely would NOT allow it. I told him if he wants to get married, he's going to have to absolutely tell her to knock it off and stick to it.

kelseyj · Dec 31, 2013

I had a pt not too long ago who was 24 (My age) and was admitted for a forearm abscess that spread and became osteomyelitis (wonder how? :) ) Anyways, she was on our floor for almost 5 weeks getting IV Vanco because she had no insurance and no one would take her.They didn't want to DC a prior IV drug abuser with a PICC line. She got so comfortable, I would give her q4 1mg dilaudid and she would ask for Ice cream. Then it got to the point that she would ask for ice cream and milk because "she liked to make a little milkshake" She was dc'd finally,but never followed up at her appointments and ended up with an infected heart valve. She had to return to the hospital but this time she is on the Tele floor, thank the lord!

jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B · Dec 31, 2013

I love all you guys examples and makes me feel like I am not alone in this world! This brings me to another point though, the ridiculousness of HCAPS. Ugh.

Oh,ya!! With questions on it like "were you visitors treated nicely"..... :sarcastic:

My go to is always "I would hate to think that we would have to start talking about alternate levels of care without you at least getting up and moving. Because you can't stay here, however, if you infirm and unable to care for yourself, we shall begin the discussion about Shady Pines....."

jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B · Dec 31, 2013

"Get down off the cross honey, someone else needs the wood!"

Oh, I LOVE this!!

And the most recent addition to my patient load--the whining, crying, no one knows what I have gone through young man who needs "blankies" and "a lil hot cocoa" suddenly whip out his cell phone with an enthusiastic "Yo, yo, yo, what up PLAYA!!!!!"