Patient Terms of Endearment

[Davey Do]

As Nurses, we are encouraged not to refer to patients by their diagnosis or status- in psych it may have been "the schizophrenic in 320" or the "meth head in 216".

However, sometimes, in private discussions with peers and colleagues, we do this.

Sometimes we may even have pet names for patients or may playfully refer to their status:

 

Got any patient terms of endearment you use?

 

[JBMmom, MSN, NP]

I tend to me a Mr. XXX and Mrs. XXX when addressing patients. I don't mean to be patronizing, but sometimes with the little old ladies I end up calling them "sweetheart" or "dear". It just comes out of nowhere, and it's not really like me since I rarely use terms of endearment outside of work. It seems to calm some of them down, and it's really more with the confused than alert and oriented. You can usually get a sense of people after a little while and sometimes it just seems to fit. 

[SmilingBluEyes]

I have been guilty of it; calling a patient (whom I  know well, mind you) "sweetheart". In dialysis we know our patients like family so it slips out at the odd time. I end up correcting myself, however.  I usually end up addressing them by their first name,  if preferred,  or "Mr. or Ms", out of respect. It's a bad habit I have worked hard to break.

[VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN]

I tried very hard to avoid using cutesy names with my elderly patients. I don’t like it when some youngster who’s half my age calls me “honey” or “dear”; why would I assume someone twice MY age would appreciate it? (Well, not many people live to be 124, but you know what I mean.) Of course, there are elders who do like being called by those names, but I think many just tolerate it because it’s easier for all concerned if they do. 

[amoLucia]

GUILTY AS CHARGED!!

But in my defense, it's just that I don't remember names. I make no apologies when we meet - I don't fudge around trying to make like I remember. I DON'T. And I'll tell you so honestly. .

So it's no wonder that when I meet maybe a hundred pts each shift, that I don't remember names or faces to put together.

I try to avoid names but it's usually comes down to a 'sweetheart' or 'hon'. I don't like cutesy or ethnic names. I'm not out to offend anyone - I just don't remember.

[JBudd, MSN]

also guilty, it just slips out.  

I use "friend" instead, as in "how are you today, my friend?".  Nothing demeaning in that I would hope.

(Kipling's "Little Friend of All the World" comes to mind)

[JBudd, MSN]

Davey, it would seem you have found a cracked egg....

[JKL33]

I sort of bristle now when I overhear this. I know that no one means any harm or intends to demean anyone. I know that it is an attempt at being friendly and personal. I know that in some regions it may be almost an expectation or at the least perfectly normal.

Pet names used to just fly out sometimes (hon, guy, friend, etc.) but I realized that what I was subconsciously hoping to do by using pet names was to short-cut the usual process of building rapport, which often takes more time than we feel we have as nurses. Overhearing others and their pet names made me realize that mine are the same...and I didn't like the sound of it. So I just stopped...long time ago.

I realized that there are other ways to convey interest, intent to care, and a friendly/kind intent, such as good eye contact, avoidance of appearing distracted, a smile, and basic kindness.

Take any sentence to which you might add a pet name, omit the pet name, and substitute a smile and good eye contact instead. The interest and kindness you hope to convey is still there. ??

[speedynurse, ADN, BSN, RN, EMT-P]

14 hours ago, amoLucia said:

GUILTY AS CHARGED!!

But in my defense, it's just that I don't remember names. I make no apologies when we meet - I don't fudge around trying to make like I remember. I DON'T. And I'll tell you so honestly. .

So it's no wonder that when I meet maybe a hundred pts each shift, that I don't remember names or faces to put together.

I try to avoid names but it's usually comes down to a 'sweetheart' or 'hon'. I don't like cutesy or ethnic names. I'm not out to offend anyone - I just don't remember.

Same! I feel bad because I know these can be offensive but I am such a scatterbrain that I don’t remember names. I have become better since being in surgical services. I was HOPELESS with names in the ED!!

[NightNerd, MSN, RN]

I start off with Mr./Ms. Patient, and then ask if that's what they'd prefer I call them. If I physically write down their preferred name on my report sheet, I'm more likely to remember it. Sometimes I catch myself using words like "hon" or "sweetie," which is cringy, but not often and only with patients I've already established some familiarity and rapport with, and who likely do the same with me.

I agree that starting out with terms of endearment is demeaning and dismissive of the person they're directed to, which is why I bristle at being called "honey" or "dear" right away and would not do the same when first meeting a patient - but if someone's been on the unit for a hot minute and we've gotten friendly, I don't think it's a complete tragedy if some of these monikers start coming out.

[MelEpiRN]

First nursing job I had at Hoity-Toity Hospital it was forbidden. It was seen as disrespectful. Frankly, that's always stuck with me and I cringe every time I hear staff call a male pt "Mr so-and-so" and the female patients "Dear". 

When patients did it to me, I always replied with "my name is melepi". 

[T-Bird78]

I’m Southern, so everybody is dear LOL. When I’m calling pts to the back, I call first name, last name, for doctor so-and-so. After I do my intake I’ll say the doctor will be with them shortly, thank you dear. I’ll call young boys ‘dude’ (we see kids and adults).