The other week we had a 50 something classic closet case MI on the floor. "I just had some chest pain" turned into numerous coronary blockages that he could never imagine the origin of. (Hmm maybe that you have smoked forever, have been wheelchair bound for years and love donuts more than your wife?)
Well on day one I didn't have the patient, but I had to go in and silence his heparin drip.
"Hey there." He said.
nod
"I just do that to make the sexy nurses come in the room"
raised eyebrow "K, have a good night"
I walked out thankful this obvious perv wasn't mine and vowed not to put foot in the room again. Creeper radar was screaming.
Anyway, I come back a night later and lo and behold he is on my team.
Dammit.
I look around and try to decide if it is worth it to drop him, or just put on my best "don't cross me" face and grin and bear it. I decide, considering I was charge...well I am always charge these days, that I am going to just accept the devil I sort of know. For the most part he is a walkie-talkie...well walkie-wheelie and isn't a whole lot of grief nursing wise.
So I walk in for shift change rounds and the first thing he does is sweep me from head to toe. Now mind you, I am a curvy girl, but I am not VS model or Playboy Bunny. I am a 30 something, German heritage, run of the mill woman. Well anyway, I instantly put on my most stoic face and commence the night. For the most part it goes ok. He asked me at one point if I had a sense of humor, to which I replied "depends on the day".
Ok so my next night, and last night of the week rolls around and I head in expecting the same sort of "hmm maybe she isn't one to cross" mentality from this guy. Yeah...right.
I guess my "did you behave today" was just the right comment to set this guy in "night nurse fever".
His comments ranged from mild "I like to see you sneaking around my room at night" to his morning deal sealer "I just want you to know you gave me a great fantasy for the week".
It took me a minute that morning to clear the white flash of rage that crossed my eyes as I walked out of the room. I refused to go back in there, and when he came out fifteen minutes later to pester me about unhooking him from his heparin drip so he could leave the floor, I must have let the inner feminist shine a bit because after that he became quite crabby I am told. I very flatly informed him that he wasn't even supposed to leave the floor, let alone be unhooked from the one thing that was keeping him from having a massive MI, and turned and walked away.
I talked to my manager about the situation, but of course nothing was done, and I didn't have the energy or care to confront this man on something he was so obviously ignorant of, respect.
So he sits now in the ICU s/p OHS and I am tempted to print an article on sexual harassment of RN's by patients and hand it to...his wife. Since apparently he is a golden boy when she is there.
I think what frustrates me the most is he so obviously didn't see me as a person. I am just glad that 98% of my other patients do value the care I bring to the bedside.
When I think back on the situation now I should have taken my tech with me each time I went in the room, but something about the situation made me think at some point he would stop, and just be polite.
"Such comments are inappropriate and would not be tolerated by me. I'm going to leave and return back when you're in a better state of mind. Otherwise which, is there someone else you would like for me to speak to about your request"...with a really stern face and a smile towards the end.Afterall, we both do have a sense of humor.(NOT)
Specializes in M/S, MICU, CVICU, SICU, ER, Trauma, NICU.
I am an older person (40s), but I was always harassed when I was younger. I thought it would stop (and honestly I just don't think I am that "hot" anymore), but obviously I must still be a magnet for the sickos out there.
Today was a good example. One of the friends of a patient (he did embarrass the patient by his behavior) wished that "I was his nurse and would've just loved a massage to see what it would be like to have my hands on him." I didn't think it was too funny and just glared at him.
I am so grossed out I can't even say more about it. I don't know why this happens as I am always professional, but people seem to take me the wrong way.
Being a friendly, professional person shouldn't be an invitation for the gross people of the world to "come on."
I am very much over the "it's the anesthesia." Yes, I agree. But when they are an outpatient and getting ready to walk out the door after recovery, I don't think it's
s the anesthesia anymore.
People need to behave and I honestly don't care if their survey scores suck.
And did you guys notice that psych facilities are famous for and are occupied by a lot of pervs...I remember during my nursing school days I was doing a psych rotation and our teacher always warned us not to wear anything sexy,provoking...and of course I witnessed a scene whereas a fairly young but quiet a beautiful nurse (in her early thirties) was harrased and approached by a sociopath,and I mean a real sociopath(perfect signs and symptoms of an anti-social personality)..On my last day of the psych rotation (last day) there was this dude-a patient who started to take an interest in me...how do I know? He keept starting and staring like a lunatic and then blurred out "How you doing today" Thank God I was out of there the same day....I dont know I think it would be dangerous to work psych..
I am disturbed that some of the comments here--maybe they weren't meant seriously, I hope not, but I think some nurses would take them as serious advice--would come off as being flirtatious. (Some of them are flat-out inappropriate, too.) Keep in mind that these patients are looking for any kind of response and will read what they can into whatever you say. Do not give it back to him. Those comments about his wife could be twisted into flirtation by a twisted mind.
The only appropriate response is "It is inappropriate for you to speak to the staff that way." Then leave the room if possible. Repeat as necessary. Obviously report to management as well, but I know some admins are not helpful in situations like this. Simply keep repeating that line and encourage the other nurses to do the same. When it isn't fun anymore, when he doesn't get any kind of reaction out of you (including an angry or embarrassed one), he'll be more likely to stop. No nurse should have to put up with this, of course, but in situations where admin won't step in, we do what we can.
I don't want to be critical, but I think "Did you behave today?" probably came off as flirtatious even though you didn't mean it that way.
you know, i'm sitting here reading through all the responses and also shaking my head.
i mean, whatever happened to direct, assertive and civil redirection???
or even limit-setting??
op, when pt asked if you had a sense of humor, that could have been a time to reply with, "i do have a sense of humor. i dont however, appreciate your sexual remarks."...however you choose to put it.
but all i've been reading is how your responses have been anything but direct, i.e., nipping it in the bud stat.
i'm sorry to sound harsh, but i am speaking the truth and any confident, self-respecting woman wouldn't tolerate this adolescent behavior.
however, you handled him wanting to leave the floor, beautifully.
just perfect.
in the absence of anger, this is how you should be asserting yourself from day one.
this is how every single woman should be asserting herself from day one...
and did you guys notice that psych facilities are famous for and are occupied by a lot of pervs..y....i dont know i think it would be dangerous to work psych..
you wrote above: "psych facilities ...are occupied by pervs"--i say yeah and that's just the staff!(no kidding.)
it is dangerous to work psych--at our mental hospital we've had staff beaten(to the point of having to send staff to the local hospital), verbally abused, and, worst of all, raped by patients! somehow it's we staff who are always to blame for the actions of those patients. "leave the job", you might say...and go where? in this economy there aren't many jobs out there...very sad....
Specializes in Triage RN, Cardiac, Ambulatory Care.
It is indeed incredible how many men out there think they are being cute when the reality is that everyone listening to them is terribly embarrassed for them because they are making such huge jerks of themselves.
My experience is that I do not worry about my fellow RN's. Trust me, the group I work with can more than handle themselves and don't put up with crap for one second!
What does cause me concern however is that on occasion they want to start talking their s--t with one of my NA's and then I go balistic! I am in that room like a beam of light when that happens, and giving them the lecture on appropriate and inappropriate behavior, etc. They usually say something like, "Oh I was just kidding." and then I like to say, "Would you kid with your daughter like that?" which usually drives the point home.
Another line I have used is something to the effect, "Well if she decides to sue you, the check you end up writing out to her will make your hospital bill look like a pittance."
Everyone likes to be friendly and courteous, and everyone has their own sexual comfort level. However, I think the best course is a zero tolerance level for any of it. That is to say that even the RN that is comfortable with the sexual tone of a conversation and does not feel harrassed needs to still intervene and remind that patient that the behavior is inappropriate. That way everyone is on the same page and there are no misunderstandings by the patient as to what is and what is not acceptable behavior.
In summary, there needs to be zero tolerance and every staff member needs to be on the same page.
There are always going to be old perverted men out there. sometimes you just have to straight up tell them there comments are completely unprofessional and hope he gets it. In a dr's office this happened to me and the manager had to confront him about it ( when his wife was there he was perfect). When he came in for his follow ups he wouldn't even look at me b/c he was so embarrassed. After a few months later he finally apologized but it was still completely inappropriate.
Specializes in Peds/outpatient FP,derm,allergy/private duty.
"Oh, he's harmless" Comment meant to diminish the concerns of a co-worker and indirectly give you the message that you don't know how to handle people and they do. Really a pernicious little stab in the back. I think the best thing to do initially is to keep a poker face, look at them straight in the eye and use simple, direct language. These guys LOVE to get you angry, embarassed, or shocked.
you wrote above: "psych facilities ...are occupied by pervs"--i say yeah and that's just the staff!(no kidding.)
it is dangerous to work psych--at our mental hospital we've had staff beaten(to the point of having to send staff to the local hospital), verbally abused, and, worst of all, raped by patients! somehow it's we staff who are always to blame for the actions of those patients. "leave the job", you might say...and go where? in this economy there aren't many jobs out there...very sad....
:eek:raped by patients?where was everyone else?i thot the deal was always to have someone watch your back?and what did said staff do in response.sue the pants off the facility i hope.
I completely agree... they just want to get a reaction and they get really amused when it's anger and they push and push. I have only been a nurse for 4 months but I experienced a lot of harassment while working in customer service type jobs. I usually try to brush it off and not acknowledge it at all (unless someone actually made a real pass or threat at me) because then they don't get their goal of making you upset and they have no point in doing it.
It is hard too, to watch what you say when you are trying to be casually friendly and lighten the mood a little with your patients. Sometimes even having that attitude opens the door for them to walk all over you with requests and could be taken out of context.
I used to get lots of patients like that... my canned response is now something along the lines of.."if you do not stop talking to me inappropriately, I will call security. They can sit with you. They arent pretty at all. Please be appropriate."
Katie5
1,459 Posts
"Such comments are inappropriate and would not be tolerated by me. I'm going to leave and return back when you're in a better state of mind. Otherwise which, is there someone else you would like for me to speak to about your request"...with a really stern face and a smile towards the end.Afterall, we both do have a sense of humor.(NOT)