patient lingo...

Published

i find it hilarious to hear the things that patients say - believeing that they are using medical terminology correctly...

vomicking = vomiting

incubated = intubated

subdermal hematoma = subdural (that was pretty close though)

injection fraction = ejection fraction

lateration = laceration

mycardio infection = MI

the list goes on and on - what are some of your favorites??

i had a mom telling me the other nite that her son always had bad "respiratorial" problems - i started thinking of this post and it was all i could do not to burst out laughing "respiratorial!!!!"

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Specializes in 5 yrs OR, ASU Pre-Op 2 yr. ER.

Prostrate.

Eight straight hours of hearing a wife asking about her husband's prostrate last night.

By the way, his 'prostate' gand was TURP'ed 4 years ago.

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Specializes in Medical/Surg, Dialysis, Nephrology.

I have a fellow student in Anatomy class that ABSOLUTLEY INSISTS on calling prostate = PROSTRATE....drives me nuts, and no matter how many times she has been corrected on it, she still persists!!!!! She also likes to answer questions..........but if she is not sure of her answer or how to say it, she drops her voice down so low that no one can hear her anyway! I figure, if you want to answer the question, say it out loud and proud.......if you are wrong, someone will correct you! That is how I learn, from my mistakes!

I also had someone tell me one time that Aunt Flo and Uncle Plug had come to visit her.........Well I got the Aunt Flo, but the Uncle Plug was a new one!!!!!!! I LMAO!!! I felt soooo stupid asking her what Uncle Plug meant!!!!

I also had a elderly client who mentioned her 'kitty'..........didn't have to ask about that one.............!!!!

We should write a book..............What should we call it?

ROTFLMAO!!!!!! :rotfl:

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"the patient edumacational gyde"

and yeah - the spelling was purposeful.....

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what about

bambalance (ambulace)

i only had 2 drinks (did i mention they were both 40's)

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I had a nurse with many years experience tell me during report that she performed the "El Salvador Maneuver" on a pt.

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I had one female who said she has something stuck in her "FAGINNEY". This was meant as her vaginia. I still laugh when I replay her telling me this in my mind. To this day I have no idea how I kept a straight face when she said this, but I actually did. Talk about professional!!! LOL:rotfl:

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When I was in the air force years ago i worked in a hospital pharmacy. The ER docs had a couple frequent repeaters for "My Grainz Headaches" It might have been unethical but it was therapeutically efficacious for them to administer saline injections and tell the patient "This is really really strong medication so it might burn a bit..."

It had about the same cure rate as Demerol 50mg and phenergan lol

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Specializes in Oncology, Cardiology, ER, L/D.

:roll These are great! During my clinicals at a nursing home, I was giving a bedbath to a sweet little Alzheimers patient. As I was washing her belly, she pulls on my sleeve and says in a little voice, " Aren't you going to wash Flo?" Once I figured out what exactly she was talking about, I had to excuse myself not to laugh in her face! God love her, she was so sweet, she just wanted her little Flo washed! I was almost afraid to give my next patient a bed bath, a little old man alzheimers patient..... I would have died laughing if he had asked me about washing Floyd!:chuckle ;)

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Specializes in Nurse Scientist-Research.

I listened to a 5 minute discussion between my in-laws today about the difference between "Alz-teimer's" and "Old-Timers".

According to my father-in-law:

"Alz-teimer's" is when you pick up a spoon and don't know what to do with it. "Old-timer's" is when you are just a little forgetful.

One med that always confused me was

"Xantacs" I always had to ask what it was for and it was usually split about 50/50 between "acid stomach" (Zantac) and nerves (Xanax).

One male patient always called his diuretic laSEX always emphasizing the second syllable. He said it helped him remember the name of the drug because "you know, it all has to do with that down there ".

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how about a patient that says they have a "high hernia" (hiatal hernia)

hehe

or they take their pink pill "twiced a day"

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i was one of those patients! My mother always told me to take an "aseetifimine" for pain (why she just didn't say tylenol, I'll never know)

It wasn't until i started nursing school that I found out it was acetominophen!

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