patient lingo...

Published

i find it hilarious to hear the things that patients say - believeing that they are using medical terminology correctly...

vomicking = vomiting

incubated = intubated

subdermal hematoma = subdural (that was pretty close though)

injection fraction = ejection fraction

lateration = laceration

mycardio infection = MI

the list goes on and on - what are some of your favorites??

Specializes in ICU.

Okay - this wasn't a patient it was my taxi driver. Comment on getting onto the freeway "Hokay - Now we are flying without wings!!":chuckle

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Specializes in Emergency Room/corrections.

from a friend of mine who used to work in an ED in Mississippi... one night a lady came in and said her baby was sick with

"smiling mighty jesus".... apparantly they were doing a workup at her primary care docs office for meningitis. (the patient thought she was saying spinal meningitis).... its true, I promise!:)

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Originally posted by ERslave

One triage form I read said : I fought the law and the law won. This pt had been shot (grazed his arm) - but when asked by who he said "I dont know"

Another favorite: "When I get to sneeving (sneezing) - stuff just shoots out my mouth":chuckle

i was at work once and got a triage form that decribed the chief complaint as:

a brown varmit in right ear.

ooooooooooo!:chuckle

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Ok, man comes in today. C/O shortness of breath.

I ask him if he is taking any meds.

"Yes, I am taking an anniebioctic for my problem with barnacles"

???????????

Barnacles, barnacles, what the hell are barnacles? Daughter walks in, i ask what the antibiotic if for.....she replies bronchitis. How silly of my, i should have known.

:roll

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Originally posted by marcicatherine

Ok, man comes in today. C/O shortness of breath.

I ask him if he is taking any meds.

"Yes, I am taking an anniebioctic for my problem with barnacles"

???????????

Barnacles, barnacles, what the hell are barnacles? Daughter walks in, i ask what the antibiotic if for.....she replies bronchitis. How silly of my, i should have known.

:roll

"that's one a them thar breathin' problems like azmer!"

:chuckle :chuckle :chuckle

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A Child told me she had sixty five roses

She has cystic fibrosis

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Specializes in Emergency/Critical Care Transport.

Had one yesterday, told me she has "high blood" for which she takes "antanol and lesintor" which came out to be Atenolol and Lisinopril. She then proceeds to tell me. "I takes them medicines so's I don't take a scroke."

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Originally posted by Medic946RN

Had one yesterday, told me she has "high blood" for which she takes "antanol and lesintor" which came out to be Atenolol and Lisinopril. She then proceeds to tell me. "I takes them medicines so's I don't take a scroke."

aw com' on. you made that up!:kiss

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Specializes in FNP, Peds, Epilepsy, Mgt., Occ. Ed.

Has no one else ever encountered a patient with the gouch?

I recently had an employee (I'm in Occupational Health) fall and sprain her "uncle." Not only that, but the fingers on that foot were numb! English is not, however, her first language.

Another patient once told me she had "cat balls" on her legs. Say what????? Someone interpreted that for me: cat boils. Not sure still what a cat had to do with it.

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Specializes in ED.

One of the receptionists where I used to work wrote that a patient was complaining of X-AMO. It took quite a while and about 20 different tries but it was finally decided that the patient had eczema! :chuckle Everyone had to stop laughing and dry their eyes before returning the patients call!~!~!~!

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Originally posted by student4now

One of the receptionists where I used to work wrote that a patient was complaining of X-AMO. It took quite a while and about 20 different tries but it was finally decided that the patient had eczema! :chuckle Everyone had to stop laughing and dry their eyes before returning the patients call!~!~!~!

i can believe that! we has a registrar who has a seizure disorder and asthma.

she was great. she could "seize" at will. if you pissed her off, look out, seizure central. i mean she would turn blue and everything. the only problem is she remembered the incidents...well ..to well. anyway one night at triage, we were board. ok, it was about 3am. we decided to play a joke on registrar "X".

we took a triage paper and wrote a fake name and chief complaint.

at that time, 2 police officers came in with a drug blood draw only.

well, don't ya know that just at the time they sat down at my desk she decides to pick up that paper? i was laughing a little but i almost fell out of my chair when i heard her calling to the waiting room, "edward scissorshands, is there an edward scissorshands here?"

the police, the prisoner and myself were no good. i almost died laughing. to all insult to injury, she walks over to my desk and asks me, very seriously, do you know where the red (code for emergent in that hospital) went? it says here that he cut his neck with his hands shaving." well, that was it. the police lost it, the prisoner lost it and i lost it. i told her about the joke. she was sooooo pissed. her face turned red and she went back to her desk.

i thought it was funny. well, about an hour later, we get a call to registration stat. yea, it was her. she wasn't having a seizure though, she said she was having an asthma attack (with a pulse ox of 96%! see, she could have those at will also!) well, she was seen by our md and d/c'd home after about a 45 min stay. she was seen leaving the er laughing and talking to her friendsl

oh well.......................... just another day in the life!

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Had a pt with "The piles"----piles of what--hemorrhoids-your guess is as good as mine

Then one that took care of that--he had a hysterectomy=hemorrhoidectomy

Then the one I banged my head on--critical pt with a perforated diaphragm- husband wanted to go home to get it so we could fix it and she would not get pregnant. Drew pictures, demonstrations, etc...Finally just took her to OR anyway.

Vapors??--I thought was gas--why would I think that--dizziness..no idea where that came from.

Oh, and another nurse said she "blew a vein"...the patient thought it would "blow up" like a bomb and signed out ama because we were gonna kill him.

I need a capture in my bladder---catheter..

I got short of breath after smoking "brillo"---guess I am not so smart here--this is crack and all I could picture was steel wool pads...yuck, although would probably prefer this over crack.

But, my all time favorite has to be the patient that I was taking care of one night that arrested & was placed on a vent, called the family, they came in and wanted the tube taken out so that they could feed her...all night long...every time I came in, can you take the tube out so that I can feed her?? Not if you want her to breathe. Well, how do you know that she can't breathe if you have the machine doing it? Because we have a pacer on her to make her heart beat, we have her on drips to give her a blood pressure, pulse, etc. Well, she probably would feel better if she ate. The sad part is that I had to tell them that no I have not ever tried that instread of all the machines and drips when they asked if I had. They really just did not get it..she arrested while after doing crack with these people...oh

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