patient lingo...

I had a seizure pt tell me he takes peanut butter balls: ie: phenobarbital.

And then theres the family who told me the sad story of one of their neices who was diagnosed with the "smilin' eyes of jesus" : spinal meningitis.

And the pregnant woman who developed "gesticular diabetes". Bet that made her

"gesticles" really tender.

Or the pt who has a prostrate problem:)

when they say they have taken tinol for the fever?

or when the come in complaining of nausee?

The list goes on and on....

Pam:chuckle

My fav the pt the has coppertone hands-carpal tunnel syndrome. My pt with meningitis told me that she had the smilin' mighty Jesus.

HAHAHAHA!!!! :) it is so hard to keep a straight face at times -

had one a few wks ago that "had just had a tubal litigation"

i guess it was on trial......:roll

I think my personal favorite is "I had to have a hickereckomy cause of my fireball tumors." (Translation: I had to have a hysterectomy because of my fibroid tumors.)

Or, what I actually saw written down on a triage form one night :"Feel like I fin to pass out."

On the other hand, sometimes the patients get us, too. One night there were four of us trying to put a Foley in a 280 lbs AMS due to OD. He was fighting, we were trying to make hime understand, and he was babbling insanely making NO sense at all. One of my coworkers said "Sir, we need to put a tube in your pee-pee!" He raised his head, looked at her, and said totally seriously "It's my member, ma'am." Five minutes later when we all stopped laughing we DID manage to place the Foley.

One of my aunts once called to ask me why her doctor would put her on oxygen pills....turns out it was estrogen:chuckle

we get, I want an epidermal, or "I need one of them epidermis" things. i.e. EPIDURAL

or this is kind of off the subject but along the same lines of patient ignorance, I had a patient question me how the baby was going to come out if I put a "tube in to keep her bladder empty" she really didnt' understand, I got so frustrated trying to explain it, i had to draw a picture, this was a 30 something year old completely normal female, not retarded or anything. I was floored that she truly didn't understand her body and was now having a baby!

I have actually had co-workers who use phrases/words like these. I worked with an LPN at an inpt hospice unit who charted every day, year in and year out that her pts were admitted for "system mange".

The correct phrase was "symptom managment" which we abbreviated as "sx mgmt".

Maybe she thought we should call in a vet since all her pts had systemic mange?

I gave up trying to educate her.

Also, worked w/ a CNA there who charted that a pt had "hypertension neck."

She meant to say the pt's neck was hyperextended.

I hear nurses say "prostrate" instead of prostate, too. Drives me crazy.

We have a frequent flyer who is allergic to pilliacinin and sulfer...she also gets x-trays a lot because she falls and is prone to frassers.

Not that this matters, but it just drives me nuts when people say, "I'm bound," when they are consipated...makes me think of some wild and kinky S & M video or somehting...