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Opposite Sex Coworker Social Boundaries

Nurses   (6,197 Views 60 Comments)
by cyc0sys cyc0sys (Member)

cyc0sys has 6 years experience and works as a Nurse.

2 Likes; 4,490 Visitors; 199 Posts

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You are reading page 4 of Opposite Sex Coworker Social Boundaries. If you want to start from the beginning Go to First Page.

ClaraRedheart has 4 years experience as a BSN, RN and works as a Med-Surg Tele Nurse.

5 Likes; 7,051 Visitors; 249 Posts

I read the first page of posts, so.. I'm sure someone else echoed this. Who have you committed to live with and stay beside through life with? Your wife, or your co-workers? You ALWAYS side with the spouse, unless they're doing something illegal or immoral. That's just my opinion though... But really, would you jeopardize your marriage over a barbecue with your former co-workers? So not worth it! I'll be honest... I'm pretty understanding, but if my husband worked with a largely female co-worker group and wanted to have a bunch of women to our house, I'd be a bit (more likely, a lot!) weirded out too. Again... side with your spouse. Politely call it off if you both can't come to an agreement. Your co-workers will be just fine.

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3,048 Visitors; 354 Posts

I don't see anything wrong with your BBQ. You worked with these ladies and you DID invite their spouses. Forgive me but I think your wife is overreacting a tad. Now if you were constantly going out for drinks without your wife knowing or their spouses...different story lol

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Alex_RN has 3 years experience and works as a RN.

11 Likes; 3,483 Visitors; 305 Posts

Oy vey!

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bgxyrnf has 10 years experience.

6 Likes; 10,638 Visitors; 1,208 Posts

Personally, I'd call off the event... just not worth it to me.

Sure, I consider your wife's response irrational - and I've faced a few of those myself - but... your ex-colleagues are not really your friends in that it's not likely that you'll be maintaining an ongoing relationship with them and I would personally choose to validate my spouse in a situation like this rather than hang out with some people who are on the periphery of my life.

You've already poured gasoline on the fire... cut your losses and don't follow that up with some rocket fuel.

Really, is this BBQ the hill you want to die on?

All the comments about trust issues and marital counseling are right on.

Good luck to you, friend.

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Orion81RN has 5 years experience.

5 Likes; 7,150 Visitors; 632 Posts

Damn, I was shooting for sarcasm. Probably just a misplaced remnant of hyperbole left over from my passive-aggressive assimilation into nursing culture.

As you seem to be well read...or at least try to come off that way, how could you confuse sarcasm with pretentiousness? Yes, you are coming off very pretentious. You came to a group of strangers and called your wife's feelings irrational with no empathy for her feelings. I think my husband's jealous feelings are sometimes irrational, but I empathize with him because the feeling of jealousy sucks. Your partner needs empathy and reassurance. If it's an ongoing issue, then you go to counseling. You don't have to take obnoxious behavior in the meantime, but there's a better way of dealing with it instead of dismissing her feelings. You should care about your wife's feelings. Irrational or not. And help her get help if it's a mental health issue.

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Orion81RN has 5 years experience.

5 Likes; 7,150 Visitors; 632 Posts

The problem isn't with professional boundaries. The problem seems to be your lack of respect for your wife. You have dismissed her feelings as "illogical fear and irrational gender bias." That looks a lot like gaslighting to me.

This! I couldn't agree more. I don't tend to judge people I don't know, and especially when I don't know the other person's side of the story...but this screams gaslighting. It is abuse plain and simple. So many red flags here of OP. I'm sorry to say it, OP. I do really hope we are misunderstanding you, but I doubt it.

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571 Likes; 3 Followers; 25,921 Visitors; 5,224 Posts

I told her it would provide a bit of closure and continuity for everyone.

I have had some great coworkers, but I can honestly say I've never needed "closure" after any of them quit.

Glad to see that you canceled the BBQ out of respect for your wife's feelings. Hopefully, the two of you can get to the bottom of your issues and move forward with mutual respect. Counseling still might be a good idea lest resentments about this incident fester.

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1,120 Likes; 7 Followers; 21,278 Visitors; 2,691 Posts

cyc0sys,

How did your wife respond to the party cancellation news?

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WILLTHEMURSE has 5 years experience.

371 Visitors; 15 Posts

sounds like she has trust problems

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Orion81RN has 5 years experience.

5 Likes; 7,150 Visitors; 632 Posts

sounds like she has trust problems

Then again we are only hearing his side of the story here. There is so much we don't know here.

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