Only a nurse will understand...

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Anyone else here have an issue with friends/family members putting a guilt trip on you or taking offense to why you are not at social gatherings? Although I work 3 12 hr. shifts, they seem to think that "I only work part time". If I work a day or the whole wknd I am considered antisocial bc I can not come to an event. Did I also mention that I am in school and need to set aside time to study. Trying to better myself and all I get is grief!

The guilt trip can only happen if you allow it.

Your family needs education regarding the meaning and heart of your profession.

You have a duty to work when it is needed.They need to appreciate that.. instead of complaining about it.

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I now have been working 8 hour M-F for 2 years. I like what I do, but I'm on salary and there isn't any OT. I have recently been somewhat successful getting out on time. It's only now that I'm really getting used to it. I loved 12 hour shifts, not having to shop when the stores were crowded, being able to keep house during the week so that every weekend off was for pure entertainment, time so that I could go back to school and work clinical hours in, being able to stretch out a vacation without using time, etc. sure I missed holidays, but my family was pretty understanding (small family). I would always have a plate ready when I got home and would get special attention because I'd been working all day. (Not to mention all the food people brought into work). The biggest disadvantage of working holidays was that although the census tended to be lower, the acuity was higher, and most support staff seemed to be off. The trick for me, was to get the same holiday every year off. My choice was thanksgiving week, most staff wanted Christmas/New Years eve. Admittedly, I was one of the more senior staff. The bigger issue for me, was that no one would ever tell me about an ordinary weekend event in time for me to request the day off, so I'd have to scramble for a switch (another advantage of 12 hour shifts). My point is....be careful of what you wish for, there are many advantages to 12's despite having to work weekends and holidays.

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
I now have been working 8 hour M-F for 2 years. I like what I do, but I'm on salary and there isn't any OT. I have recently been somewhat successful getting out on time. It's only now that I'm really getting used to it. I loved 12 hour shifts, not having to shop when the stores were crowded, being able to keep house during the week so that every weekend off was for pure entertainment, time so that I could go back to school and work clinical hours in, being able to stretch out a vacation without using time, etc. sure I missed holidays, but my family was pretty understanding (small family). I would always have a plate ready when I got home and would get special attention because I'd been working all day. (Not to mention all the food people brought into work). The biggest disadvantage of working holidays was that although the census tended to be lower, the acuity was higher, and most support staff seemed to be off. The trick for me, was to get the same holiday every year off. My choice was thanksgiving week, most staff wanted Christmas/New Years eve. Admittedly, I was one of the more senior staff. The bigger issue for me, was that no one would ever tell me about an ordinary weekend event in time for me to request the day off, so I'd have to scramble for a switch (another advantage of 12 hour shifts). My point is....be careful of what you wish for, there are many advantages to 12's despite having to work weekends and holidays.

I worked Monday through Friday, 8-5 and I hated it. I love having the time off during the week, I liked having the excuse to miss the big family holiday dinners and the drama. I could choose when I wanted to go to the family dinner, and the rest of the time either arrange to be working or lie about it. I used to go to the family dinners until the drama started to get to me, then announce that I had to go to work. It kept me sane for years!

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I worked Monday through Friday, 8-5 and I hated it. I love having the time off during the week, I liked having the excuse to miss the big family holiday dinners and the drama. I could choose when I wanted to go to the family dinner, and the rest of the time either arrange to be working or lie about it. I used to go to the family dinners until the drama started to get to me, then announce that I had to go to work. It kept me sane for years!

Exactly! Got me out of many events I didn't really want to attend. 12 hour shifts have their perks.

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My own spouses have never had a problem, one was a cop. We might celebrate Christmas on the 26th. Our families understood that this was the way it would have to be both of working 24/7 types of jobs. My daughter was not so lucky. Her now ex would rant and rave if she didn't leave exactly at 700pm her in laws continually complained about her having to work holidays and weekends and missing family events. Her ex father-in-law once told her that he thought she did this deliberately so she didn't have to attend. I don't think people have any concept of how a nursing job actually works. You can't tell a patient "hold that stroke, or don't poop in the bed, I have to leave now!" Reporting off doesn't always go quickly, especially with some of these nightmare nurse that examine every detail and want to discuss events, no matter how detailed your report was. Hospitals stay open 24/7, if your relief doesn't show up on time, oh well!! After 12 hours+on my feet, I am not interested in socializing. I Have gone out and shown my face and then go home. Even close nurse friends have gotten their feelings hurt because I didn't drive 20 miles to some party after a shift. You can't always get the day off even in advance. Such is the nature of the beast.

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Specializes in Critical Care.

Yes family expects me to find someone else to work for me and don't understand that is easier said than done. Frankly I don't like begging people to switch with me and would prefer to just work my shift as I'm not a social butterfly to begin with. I just ignore the guilt trippers and go to work. If they really wanted me there they could plan an event on the weekend I'm off. Besides the party will go on without me. When I go on vacation with friends they understand and go along with my schedule as they have more flexibility than I do with time off.

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Yes, working 3 12's and people perceiving that as part time is extremely annoying.

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Specializes in Critical care.

I have worked Weekend alternative on and on for more than 30 years. Greatest shift ever to get out of boring weddings baby showers etc. I made it clear to all the family that my job is on weekends and it is my first priority just like their Monday to Friday job is to them.

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Had a job where we had monthly staff meetings. They were always scheduled at 1PM. They were mandatory. So if you worked night shift you had to get up, clean up and be there by 1pm usually half asleep and then go to work that night. I suggested that one month we have the meeting at 1pm and the next month have it at 2am and alternate each month. They didn't like that idea.

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Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..

I have felt guilty over not being able to attend my brother's wedding because I was studying for my finals in nursing school.

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Specializes in I/DD.

Just this past week I was working nights. I generally can only sleep 5-6 hours during the day, and by the time my 3rd shift rolls around I'm dead beat. My (new) husband needs a little training, he was mad when I didn't want to cuddle every morning. To top it off on the last day we ended up getting up at the time (12:30p) and later that day I complained about being tired after being busy all day and he said in what he thought was a loving/teasing way "you're such a baby, I'm tired too you aren't the only one." So I replied "is that right? Why are you so tired?" He was quiet when he realized that we got up at the same time, but he went to bed at midnight when I had gone to bed at 0900. Whoops...

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Specializes in Cardiac.

Everyone tells me I have it made since I "only" work 3 nights a week. Haha right. I've been at my job 3 months and I have a friend who still calls me every day around 12-1pm when she's on her lunch break... Once I answered and said I had been sleeping & she was said ohh my god I wish I got to sleep in everyday... Ugh... Still doesn't get it.

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