Only a nurse will understand...

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Anyone else here have an issue with friends/family members putting a guilt trip on you or taking offense to why you are not at social gatherings? Although I work 3 12 hr. shifts, they seem to think that "I only work part time". If I work a day or the whole wknd I am considered antisocial bc I can not come to an event. Did I also mention that I am in school and need to set aside time to study. Trying to better myself and all I get is grief!

Specializes in Oncology.

I'm one of the least senior dayshift nurses on my unit. My mom asked me what I was bringing to Easter brunch. I was like, "Nothing, because I'm working all day."

"Well that's not very nice of you."

"Do you think I want to work Easter?"

"You say that, but you never ask for it off."

"Of course I asked for it off."

"Then why are you working?"

I've tried to explain seniority, and staffing needs of the unit dozens of times to her, but we repeat this conversation word for word almost every holiday.

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I'm one of the least senior dayshift nurses on my unit. My mom asked me what I was bringing to Easter brunch. I was like, "Nothing, because I'm working all day."

"Well that's not very nice of you."

"Do you think I want to work Easter?"

"You say that, but you never ask for it off."

"Of course I asked for it off."

"Then why are you working?"

That almost sounds like some sort of Abbott and Costello 'Who's on First?' skit....

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Specializes in Psych.

My mom is a nurse, my brother in law is a state police officer. Somehow we always find time to spend a holiday together, sure it may be the week before or the week after but we are able to do it. This year may be interesting with the inlaws though, they are used to my husband being able to make everything as he had mon-friday 7-4 job, but now has a new one that is open 365 so we are now in the process of figuring out holidays.

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Specializes in Pediatric Hematology/Oncology.

YES!!! OMG, YES!!

It got to the point where I am just going to things because, and this is really the gf's family's problem (my parents are much more understanding), the grief it causes is more of a distraction than just going to the actual event. One of my gf's cousins is an RN and she doesn't make it to everything but does try to make it to some things so I guess I have to mirror what she does because then I'll hear, "so and so comes and she works just like you...blah blah blah" and I'm sure she'll probably hear the same thing once I start working, too.

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Specializes in Anesthesia, ICU, PCU.

My aunt was visiting one week when I was working 3 back to back 12s. After day 2, when my body completely rejected me sleeping longer than 3:00PM (for total 5 hours of sleep), I go downstairs and my aunt goes "jeez I was wondering when you were going to get up" with this connotation that I'm some lazy teenager. So I explained to her:

Say I worked 7A to 7P. I would get home and go to bed at around 10PM and wake up for work at 5:30PM (for 7.5 hours of sleep). She seemed to understand that very common sense explanation of a 12 hour shifters sleep. Well say I wake up at 3AM instead, that's not enough sleep is it? "Of course not." Well it's the same thing for 7P to 7A! WHY would it be any different?! Except night shifters often have to fight against circadian rhythms, alternate back to day shift to have a normal life, have to put up with sleeping during the day (which if you live in the city suuuuucks) --> and therefore are often shafted in the sleep department before going back to work for 12-13 more hours.

I wasn't quite so disrespectful as the post might've seemed, and she did understand in the end. However some weeks later I found myself in the same predicament with my grandmother, after repeating the above logic several times to various other friends and family members, and she hinted about me sleeping in/being lazy (which was me as a teenager). I gave up this time I just went "yup! Some things never change!"

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Specializes in Med/Surg, Academics.

I'm a bit of an introvert. Socializing often saps my energy.

I work days. I am registry, so I can work when I want.

Truth be told, I sometimes make myself available to work during a planned get together if I just don't want to go.

Yes, I said it. There are times I would rather work than socialize.

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Specializes in ICU.
I'm a bit of an introvert. Socializing often saps my energy.

I work days. I am registry, so I can work when I want.

Truth be told, I sometimes make myself available to work during a planned get together if I just don't want to go.

Yes, I said it. There are times I would rather work than socialize.

You're not alone, dudette. I've done the very same thing. Not because I'm an introvert, but because between my family and hubby's family, I get sick of the "You spent last year with them...why can't you come this year?" argument. The simple solution is for me to work...that way I don't have to go to either place!

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I highly recommend the 2am "Hi! Whatcha doing?" phone call to the people who don't get it yet. Repeat as needed.

YES!!!

And I quoted themselves back to them.."Hi!! I didn't interupt your little nap, did I??"

Some people took two or three calls, but the message finally sank it.

[Of course, this was years and years ago, and I had elementary aged kids, in the world before cell phones. I had a beeper that the school nurse and DH had the number to, and turned off the ringer on the house phone. Idiots trying to sell insurance or water softeners could just talk to the machine.....]

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I was dating a guy when my CPR expired. My employer didn't offer internal CPR so I had to find an outside source. I scheduled a Saturday class, the first one available (I worked M-F and my boss wouldn't let me take a day off to do my CPR) and about an hour's drive. When I told my then-boyfriend that I'd scheduled it, he got so mad at me because I was "wasting" my Saturday doing that instead of spending the time with him. He worked nights as a janitor so we only saw each other on the weekends, and he thought it was rude of me to make "optional" plans on his time. No matter how much I explained that I needed it to legally practice, he didn't understand why I couldn't renew my CPR on a different day. Notice how he's an ex. . .

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Specializes in LTC Rehab Med/Surg.

What you describe is just the tip of the iceberg. If you work nights get ready for making all the appointments. Going to all the meetings. Being home for all the service calls. Taking the car for repairs. Picking the kids up early from school. Taking your sibling for their outpatient procedure.

All the things that can only be done from 8A to 5P will become your responsibility because YOU HAVE EVERY DAY OFF. The fact that you work all night doesn't seem to count.

I spent a decade as a walking zombie because I allowed my family to expect the impossible. Then I did it.

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Specializes in Community Health/School Nursing.
I would rather not show up at all then be encouraged "oh,just come right after work" and get there to find the meal is over, everything is cleaned up and put away. And then suffer the sighs and groans as it is all pulled out again even though I kept staying "oh, I'll just get myself a plate and heat it in the microwave" I blame my husband ,too because not once has heasked the family to make him a plate to bring home to me after I've worked a 12 or 16 hour shift on a holiday.

Bless your heart! I was raised in the south and by a very traditional southern family. It is mandatory to take a plate home for someone who was not able to make a gathering. :-) I think you should let your hubby know that you would like for him to get a plate for you. Maybe he just doesn't think of those things. :-(

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I highly recommend the 2am "Hi! Whatcha doing?" phone call to the people who don't get it yet. Repeat as needed.

Love this! I worked with an ADON who returned all phone calls at 2am.

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