I see a lot of fiercely independent seniors who haven't planned well for the next phase of life. In the rural areas, they are used to living on their own, sometimes on properties that are deteriorating due to their owners creeping infirmities, or lifelong patterns of sloppiness.
Some have had hoarding tendencies that have gotten out of hand. EMS will give colorful reports on that.
What a good way to help these stubborn folk, who need to be guided into assisted living, or toward accepting family help? Sometimes adult children are spread out, or alienated from their parents.
I am a Case Manager for a State Program and end up encountering this dilemma more than I care to. Many children of seniors realize that their parents need help, but can't bring themselves to be the "bad guy". If I have a patient who really cannot function on their own, I involve the PCP and the family. If that doesn't work, I have actually reported patients to Adult Protective Services. APS is very good at determining the needs of the patient and working toward that goal. And in most jurisdictions, they are the "authority", so it lets the children off the hook from making an unpopular decision. I've had good outcomes from really bad situations.
Yes, it's hard to watch people fall farther and farther behind. It brings us comfort to see our loved ones in well-run retirement homes being properly looked after. But for some people, they want to live on their terms to the bitter end. It is hard on the kids, though.
Not being allowed to visit their parents in those facilities is hard now.
And how well do these facilities really look after people? If they are like so many I have seen, the answer is "not all that well, often enough".
Oh, give me land, lots of land under starry skies above,
Don't fence me in.
I am delighted to see the pioneer spirit is still alive and well in America. I assume most of you are from America, sorry if I am wrong.
My husband and I are struggling with a situation like this at present. We have an elderly relative (95yo) who wishes to remain at home. We would feel better if he went to an assisted living facility but that is not his wish and he has made that very clear. We talked him into homecare (Visiting angels type) a few years ago and as his condition deteriorates we slowly add more care. It has not been easy bc he has fought us every step of the way bc he wasnt able to grasp that others were threatening to call APS so it was either this or an ALF. There are still some busy body neighbors that feel the need to butt in by calling the police, calling AMR etc for no valid reasons which makes the situation harder for everyone. So, we continue to fight for him/his rights, for the way he chose/chooses to live out his last days. It is not about the money for him, it is just the way he chooses to live, not in a facility, but rather in the comfort of his own home that he has lived in (and not changed!) for ~50 yrs. I hope my kids leave me alone when I am that old (or how ever old I get, LOL).
I agree with you over all.
ut the neighbors probably had some legitimate concerns, given that you got Visiting Angels and kept adding services and would have preferred that he enter a facility.
Specializes in Psych, Corrections, Med-Surg, Ambulatory.
It's a tough one. A lot of people get a new lease on life when they enter a facility. Nutritious meals and medication management can do wonders. Others just hate being away from their familiar surroundings and just deteriorate.
Maybe the best gift we can give our children is to plan ahead for our changing needs. Then hopefully we can live life on our own terms without creating a wrenching dilemma for them.
To those of you harshly judging my opening comments, the patient in question is a woman who is most likely headed to a nursing home, being cared for by a husband who is barely clinging to his independence. He is on oxygen and walks with a walker, and they rent and live with a friend, who the husband says is "losing his marbles", and unable to manage his own affairs. They've been without water for a month on the property.
They reside on rural acreage that EMS said is a classic rural hoarding situation. I was able to develop a rapport with the husband, and have a frank discussion with him about moving into a different situation. I think he now understands, and is open to letting go of all his "stuff" and getting a better housing set up. I passed onto Social Services these facts and they are working on helping all three of these elderly people.
It's interesting all the judgmental remarks here that accuse me of being judgemental. Typical of the internet, which often is not a very productive venue. But, people enjoy climbing on board and joining in the fun of condemning someone, instead of finding out more information. When that happens, I usually exit, because it's a ridiculous waste of time. You all have a good day now.
Why not have just said this at first, instead of posting a critical picture of certain people?
Specializes in ICU/ER/Med-Surg/Case Management/Manageme.
6 hours ago, Kooky Korky said:
Why not have just said this at first, instead of posting a critical picture of certain people?
I could not agree more. So many of us put thought and time into posts - sometimes whether we comment or not. I find it irritating someone takes up my time and energy in thinking of/commenting on a subject that turns out to be a half-truth. If the OP has merely posted almost the same thing but worded it differently and honestly it would have been an excellent discussion of various opinions and experiences without the negativity.
Maybe the best gift we can give our children is to plan ahead for our changing needs. Then hopefully we can live life on our own terms without creating a wrenching dilemma for them.
Why not have just said this at first, instead of posting a critical picture of certain people?
OMG, Kooky Kooky is telling me I didn't phrase my post good enough. Now THAT'S ironic funniness!
Sorry, it IS a general problem, usually with the older, white folk, who are inconsiderate of their busy offspring, or alienated from them, and think the health care system can and should, k
Katie82, RN
642 Posts
I am a Case Manager for a State Program and end up encountering this dilemma more than I care to. Many children of seniors realize that their parents need help, but can't bring themselves to be the "bad guy". If I have a patient who really cannot function on their own, I involve the PCP and the family. If that doesn't work, I have actually reported patients to Adult Protective Services. APS is very good at determining the needs of the patient and working toward that goal. And in most jurisdictions, they are the "authority", so it lets the children off the hook from making an unpopular decision. I've had good outcomes from really bad situations.