Old Ladies Having Babies

allnurses Guide · Nov 19, 2004

Ok, I have to weigh in here again. When I got pregnant 3 years ago at 43 one of the things that ended up really making me angry was the focus on my age rather than my health and the fact that I had three normal deliveries and healthy children. Even the blood test came back "positive" for Down's Syndrome based soley on my age and nothing else. I had a diagnostic sonogram and amnio and everything was fine. Looking back I would never have given into the scare tactics. My history of normal deliveries, my healthy lifestyle (no smoking, jogging 6 miles 3 times a week, rarely a glass of wine) should have had more importance than anything else.

I'm not risking abandoning my son because I chose to go ahead with this unplanned pregnancy. He is three years old now. I'm still healthy. Both my parents are still alive and smokers and active. My husband is healthy and I've already articulated about how active and healthy his 81 year old dad is and his 76 year old mom is. They watch my 3 year old 2 days a week and do fine.

I don't think you can make blanket statement that "older" moms WILL have more problems and that "older" moms will die leaving their children orphans.

The generalizing is what bugs me. Make that choice for yourself. But don't castigate others when you don't have any idea of the particulars of their choices.

And I'm an OB nurse and I see all the problems mentioned health-wise in younger women too. Especially gestational diabetes. And shall we even mention the drug abusing moms? All young.

steph

live4today, RN · Nov 19, 2004

why shouldn't a 50+ year old be able to run and play? i'm 64 and i do it just fine with my 9 mo old, 13 yr old and 17 yr old grandkids. kids with "older" parents don't worry about what other people think. most of their friends have divorced parents. at least the older generation chooses and raises the child with love. they aren't working two jobs so they can buy a new car that looks "cool" or a new wardrobe each year to keep up with fashion. they make cookies, they cook real meals and they snuggle and love their kids. the only problem i have is the danger of having a genetically defective child, which, by the way, is just as loved as a "normal" child. we "over 50" people are not aged beyond belief nor are we ready for the rocking chair. we've just decided on the importance of life instead of accumulating things. i've yet to see a 20 year old who resents having to see to the care of the mother he dearly loves. love is not aged-based. i crawl around in the grass with my grandkids following one ant just to see where it goes or to catch baby frogs. we lay out on the driveway on blankets at night to watch for shooting stars and hunt for fireflies in the tall grass. this is what raising a child is about.

very well said! nuff said!

JUSTYSMOM · Nov 19, 2004

Ok, I have to weigh in here again. When I got pregnant 3 years ago at 43 one of the things that ended up really making me angry was the focus on my age rather than my health and the fact that I had three normal deliveries and healthy children. Even the blood test came back "positive" for Down's Syndrome based soley on my age and nothing else. I had a diagnostic sonogram and amnio and everything was fine. Looking back I would never have given into the scare tactics. My history of normal deliveries, my healthy lifestyle (no smoking, jogging 6 miles 3 times a week, rarely a glass of wine) should have had more importance than anything else.
I'm not risking abandoning my son because I chose to go ahead with this unplanned pregnancy. He is three years old now. I'm still healthy. Both my parents are still alive and smokers and active. My husband is healthy and I've already articulated about how active and healthy his 81 year old dad is and his 76 year old mom is. They watch my 3 year old 2 days a week and do fine.
I don't think you can make blanket statement that "older" moms WILL have more problems and that "older" moms will die leaving their children orphans.
The generalizing is what bugs me. Make that choice for yourself. But don't castigate others when you don't have any idea of the particulars of their choices.
And I'm an OB nurse and I see all the problems mentioned health-wise in younger women too. Especially gestational diabetes. And shall we even mention the drug abusing moms? All young.
steph

AMEN!

gvkk · Nov 19, 2004

My son has a wonderful life. I am out with him and he has friends all ove the place. He has two dogs. I ride a bicycle and raise hamsters. AND, I love it. There are some 40 year olds who look, feel and act older than I do.

I figure when I get older and need care or just die, I will have raised my son to be very independant and able to care for himself.There is some money set aside for him too. And as far as him taking care of me. Well...what about me taking care of my father when I was 27? My mother when I was 50? I can tell you, it was easier on me when I was 27 to deal with a dying parent than it was when I was 50.

Now, trust this one - at age 58, I would not try to have another child. But at age 48, I would do it all over again.

G

BRANDY LPN · Nov 19, 2004

Why shouldn't a 50+ year old be able to run and play? I'm 64 and I do it just fine with my 9 mo old, 13 yr old and 17 yr old grandkids. Kids with "older" parents don't worry about what other people think. Most of their friends have divorced parents. At least the older generation chooses and raises the child with love. They aren't working two jobs so they can buy a new car that looks "cool" or a new wardrobe each year to keep up with fashion. They make cookies, they cook real meals and they snuggle and love their kids. The only problem I have is the danger of having a genetically defective child, which, by the way, is just as loved as a "normal" child. We "over 50" people are not aged beyond belief nor are we ready for the rocking chair. We've just decided on the importance of life instead of accumulating things. I've yet to see a 20 year old who resents having to see to the care of the mother he dearly loves. Love is not aged-based. I crawl around in the grass with my grandkids following one ant just to see where it goes or to catch baby frogs. We lay out on the driveway on blankets at night to watch for shooting stars and hunt for fireflies in the tall grass. This is what raising a child is about.

I am 28 my oldest child is 9, I do all the things listed in your post with my child, I cook "real" meals, make cookies, play with the kids, ect ect ad nauseum. I am not worried about driving a "cool" car nor about my wardrobe, as a matter of fact my car is knocking on deaths door and is possibly the ugliest automobile on this earth, and I dont care because by driving it I dont have to worry about making car payments and can afford to stay at home with my kiddos. It is not only "older" parents who are mature.

[/quote=Quickbeam]It is often an orphan's lot in life to have their experience compared to that of others. It is a very unique challenge. Most of us have heard a million times "oh, I know how you feel. My parents were divorced!". Or something similar. It simply isn't the same.

I completely agree with this statement, my father died when I was very little (he was 47 had an MI) and I have gritted my teeth on more occasions than I care to remember over statements like that! Thank goodness I still had my mother, I can't imagine what you have gone through.

Jo Dirt · Nov 19, 2004

Old ladies should not have babies. A lot of things *can* be done but that doesn't mean it *should.* It is selfish for these old ladies to have babies. What will it be like for a high schooler or young college student to have a mother nearly 80 yrs. old? And it doesn't matter if the child has a problem with having an older parent or not, a lot of things are taken away from a child who has much older parents, just one being that it is not likely they will be around for much of their adult years. Aside from my personal belief (it is gross) there are a whole slew of better reasons why it is just plain wrong.

allnurses Guide · Nov 19, 2004

Old ladies should not have babies. A lot of things *can* be done but that doesn't mean it *should.* It is selfish for these old ladies to have babies. What will it be like for a high schooler or young college student to have a mother nearly 80 yrs. old? And it doesn't matter if the child has a problem with having an older parent or not, a lot of things are taken away from a child who has much older parents, just one being that it is not likely they will be around for much of their adult years. Aside from my personal belief (it is gross) there are a whole slew of better reasons why it is just plain wrong.

Have you read this entire thread?

I still have my mom, I'm 47 and have a 3 year old, at 15 year old, a 19 year old and a 21 year old. My mom and I are estranged so she isn't around for me at all. Even if your mom lives to 99 3/4 there is no guarantee that she will "be around" for much of your adult years. Some moms are not good moms.

Please don't make blanket statements.

steph

Hardknox · Nov 19, 2004

I would NEVER NEVER NEVER want to deal with a teenager when I was in my 70's!!!! :uhoh21: I don't believe---as an OB nurse--that these 55 plus yo mothers think about dealng with this child as the child gets older. They just think of fulfilling thier biological destiny and holding and cuddling an infant.

Jo Dirt · Nov 19, 2004

Why is it that we arent seeing the media show outrage at our babies having babies...you know, the 14 yr olds who come in having their first...or 18 yr olds on their 3rd....
i think the vast majority of those babes born to older mom's are desperately wanted and will be showered with love...
wish i could say the same for the later...
seems like our societies energy is focused in the wrong direction....

We *have* seen shows on babies having babies, and it is dead wrong for a young teenager to be having babies. But that doesn't make it a valid excuse for old ladies to start having babies. And maybe there are teenagers who have to take care of parents in their 40's and 50's but tell me how this makes it right for old people to start having babies just because there are teenagers who have to take care of younger parents who are ill? There is just no logic to that line of thinking. Two wrongs don't make a right.

Jo Dirt · Nov 19, 2004

Have you read this entire thread?
I still have my mom, I'm 47 and have a 3 year old, at 15 year old, a 19 year old and a 21 year old. My mom and I are estranged so she isn't around for me at all. Even if your mom lives to 99 3/4 there is no guarantee that she will "be around" for much of your adult years. Some moms are not good moms.
Please don't make blanket statements.
steph

That still doesn't make it right. It is just common sense to know the odds are stacked against you as an elderly parent.

There is a reason for menopause. Yes, some post menopausal women get pregnant by accident but very rarely if ever does this happen into the late 50's and up.

hypnotic_nurse · Nov 19, 2004

So to prevent any of this, should we just legislate taking out all those "gross" old uteruses so that you don't have to worry about it?

And what age are you going to cut people off from having children? Are you going to insist that men also stop at that age?

The fact is that people are living longer, healthier lives. Women who were older had children late in life prior to the BC pill (my grandparents are perfect examples). And prior to the turn of the century you can see that a woman might have as many as 20 children (if you don't believe me, read Edward Lear's biography sketch -- he was the 20th of 20 children by the same mom).

And what about those children of older moms? Would they choose not to have been born because of the hardships? What about children who are born with other hardships? Shall we choose for them as well? For example, parents with low IQ? Maybe they shouldn't be having children . Moms with previous cancer? Hey, they're at greater risk of early death. Diabetic moms? Same.

LadyBugLass · Nov 19, 2004

Feeling catty I suppose, but here I go....

Does anyone else think that woman (Aleta St. James) with the twins has had some SERIOUS "work" done?? I mean, like a face lift and lip augmentation (at the very least?) I really think she looks more at home in the plastic surgeons office than at the pediatrician. :rolleyes:

And do you all know WHY we are all discussing this woman in the first place?? She strikes me as a SHAMELESS self-promoter...she is an "actress", you know, and her brother is Curtis Sliwa: that beret-wearing head of the vigilante group the Guardian Angels, who also LOVES his media time.

With the HIPPA regs nowadays, no one would have said anything about this if she herself had not put it "out there." I guess it is more common than I had realized for ladies over 50 to give birth. I think this woman has used her babies to garner some attention for herself:angryfire and to make herself look MUCH younger than 57.