10 things you say at work lay people could get arrested for - page 4

Very, very funny and true! If I may add one more: "Spread open your legs so I can insert this "(foley cath)... Read More

  1. by   MissJoRN
    It's not the things I say that would get me in trouble in the rest of the world, it's the things I do- Actions speak louder than words right?

    I've been known to kiss "clients" and even to lie in bed with them! Love peds homecare!
    Oh, and what about the little girl I was potty training who always refused to wear undies instead of a diaper until I tired and frustrated and did the same thing I've done with my nieces "Look! I'm wearing Big Girl Panties!" as I pull the waistband out of the top of my slacks. That just wouldn't fly in the corporate world. :roll
  2. by   McGyverRN
    1.) I'm going to give you an oral (as in report).
    2.) I have a discharge.
  3. by   theblondeone
    Quote from McGyverRN
    1.) I'm going to give you an oral (as in report).
    2.) I have a discharge.
    OMG, I did this last night at work!! Was sending a pt to the floor from ER and floor's fax machine wasn't working. The receiving nurse called to tell me she hadn't gotten report and I said, "OK, can I just give you oral?" Pt (young guy) in the hall bed across from me says, " You can give me oral." I had no response, just turned 5 shades of red.
  4. by   perfectbluebuildings
    "I need more alcohol!"

    (or, uh, just the swabs I guess...)
  5. by   babynurselsa
    "Just let your legs fall open and relax, your gonna feel a touch now."

    Inserting a cath or assisting with a pelvic.
  6. by   Keely-FutureRN
    Quote from Traumamama59
    "Ok, you're free to go; well, not really." Said to a prisoner leaving the ER accompanied by a sheriff's deputy.

    It reminds me of a funny thing that happened the other day at work. I was assisting a pt. to the bathroom and her ENTIRE family was crammed into one of our pre-op rooms. As she got up she said
    "What if I moon people when I get up?"
    "Don't worry, I'll watch it."
    The whole family burst out laughing including the pt. I MEANT I'll watch the gown to make sure it's closed.

  7. by   McGyverRN
    To a pt on a bedpan, " Are you ready to get off yet?"
  8. by   malenurse1
    Quote from Rayrae
    "I need more alcohol!"

    (or, uh, just the swabs I guess...)
    How about "Alcohol makes you feel better".
    When I teach others to perform venipuncture I encourage them to use the alcohol to help thier finger glide over the skin.
  9. by   suebird3
    How about "I need you to drop your pants"? I still howl on that after nearly 20 years.

  10. by   FreshRN05
    :roll :roll :roll Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...this is what I need after a hard day of work.....I just couldn't stop laughing....Funny because, some of these comments or words really comes out of my mouth sometimes...just didn't realize at that moment that it could sound horrible or funny to other people's ears who happen to be passing by...
  11. by   RNOTODAY
    I work in the OR, we all wear the same scrubs, caps, masks. I saw one of the surgeons in the market one day, with my husband, and teenage daughter, and he said ...'HI RN, I almost didn't recognize you with your clothes on!!" .... we both laughed when we realized how it sounded, to dh and dd.....It was kinda weird!!!! Other shoppers heard too!!! Kind of common, I guess, with OR people.
    Another time, I went down to the cafeteria, so I took my cap off. Someone saw me in the hall, and said, "HI RN, , you look nice with hair!!!" Of course I understood perfectly in both circumstances, but it does sound funny when you think of someone overhearing you, out of the blue!!!!
  12. by   JBudd
    How about, "No you can't leave, I'll tie you down if you try it again"
  13. by   Antikigirl
    Things that may get you arrested or generally hit!

    1. Sorry to have to do this, but it is just a little prick!
    2. Take off all your clothes and sit on this bed.
    3. Your SOB!
    4. Just Follow the light (using pen light).
    5. Take a deep breath as I pull this out (male RN foley d/c).
    6. Don't worry, I have small fingers and lots of lube (insert supp).
    7. I can't get this in, let me get someone to help. (IV insert).
    8. Calm down or I will have to restain you.
    9. What was your last menstrual period like? or "any burning on urination?
    10. Swallow hard now or you will aspirate this!
    11. This may feel better if you lay on your side.