Nurses in my Family, but None Are Helping Me

[MedNurse2k]

Calling all you nurturing, sensitive, caring, and extremely empathetic nurses out there - I need some advice!!

I have some nurses in my family, and also one who is currently in LPN school. I thought since I am interested in becoming a nurse, that I can go to them for advice, questions that I have, and even buy some used books/equipment off of them. So I thought. Every time I ask questions, they give me short answers, leaving me to just do the research on my own anyway. In addition, when I ask for advice, they give me generic "you'll do great!", or "good luck in school!" responses - nothing too detailed or indepth, which makes my asking the question a total waste of time. Also, I've asked my mother-in-law for help on obtaining volunteer positions, and used books (I offered to buy them - not get them for free). Both times, I got a nice response "Sure, I'll help". Nothing came of it. I asked a few times later, and still nothing...eventually I just forgot about it, and said they do not want to help.

I am a totally different type of person. I love helping others, and go out of my way to do research for others. Why am I not getting this in return? Should I feel angry about this, or should I just ignore it? I know I am very sensitive, but I am honestly getting more advice and assistance from you wonderful nurses than I am my own family. That kind of makes me question some things.

Lastly, does anyone think they are not assisting me, because they had to do things on their own? Even so, what happened to the term "pay it forward"? It's not like I'm going to steal their jobs away - one of them is in california, and the other has been a nurse for over 21 years - there is no way that I could even compete with them. I was told to ask for help whenever you need it. But what should I do, when no one helps?? For the past few days I have been feeling lost and completely alone - and it's not because I don't ask for help - it's because when I do ask for help, no one seems to give 2 cents about me. I feel like saying "screw you - and thanks for nothing!" - but I know that is not going to help.

:-(

[loriangel14, RN]

What exactly are you expecting them to do for you?

[JVRB4]

I am sorry you are feeling alone. I remember when I was getting ready to start in school and I had so many questions. I wanted to totally immerse myself in everything nursing. I searched on the internet alot, read books anything I could to try and get a clear image of what it was going to be like. I think what I wanted really was to see myself a few years later actually working as a nurse which of course no one can do. If you are wondering what the program is like at your particular school maybe you can find a way to speak to a former student they usually have great insight into the instructors and their teaching style, expectations etc from an honest perspective. You could also check with a hospital in your area and see if you could maybe shadow a nurse for a day to see first hand what its like (not sure if possible with hippa but worth a try).

As far as books I know a few of my former classmates purchased resource books and required text books online ALOT cheaper (I paid $136.00 for 1 book, where they paid $12.00) than I paid for them at retail book stores and the college book store. Try ebay and/or amazon. You can also PM me with your email address and I will answer anything I can or just be here to listen. Good Luck!

[Keepstanding, ASN, RN]

could it be that they don't have anything "positive" to say about nursing and they don't want to sway you away from it, if that is what your heart's desire is ???

just a thought.

praiser :heartbeat

[Tait, MSN, RN]

I fond it really difficult to answer interpersonal/family questions like these, because I don't know much of anything about your family dynamic...maybe if you asked them for advice on anything they would be so short and misdirected as well?

I would suggest hooking up with your local school, finding a nursing adviser and getting support from people DESIGNED to give support.

Best of luck!!

Tait

[PostOpPrincess, BSN, RN]

Why don't you tell them exactly what you wrote here? I can't figure out why they wouldn't WANT to help you unless they are extremely busy. Perhaps the best thing to do is open channels of communication and just ask directly? It would help relieve some of this resentment that has obviously built up, especially if they give you a direct answer instead. Also, why don't you go on your own and speak of Directors of Nursing programs? My mom was an RN before retiring and I SAW her everyday, but did a lot of my own research. It was my life, after all.

[MedNurse2k]

Thank you everyone for your responses. I am aware that I must do this all on my own, and that this is indeed my life. However, just like allnurses.com has become an online "family" and resource center, I assumed that my own family would be the same for me. Naturally, I can ask other students, and call up the school and gain insight - but, I didn't think asking someone in my family, who has been there and done that, would lead to such a dead end. Also, Praiser, you made a good point - I will think about that. :-)

Thanks - I'll put on my big girl panties, and deal with it.

[cariboujenny]

Three of my sisters are advance practice nurses (APN), they advised me to work toward another degree. They were very forthcoming about the difficulties in the profession and suggested that I pursue another career. I learned first hand about nursing from their honest appraisals and from watching/talking to nurses caring for a dying loved one. You may want to consider talking to a college counselor/advisor about their institution's program. From there you might be able to talk with the professors and get referrals to current students that are interested in mentoring future students. I encourage you to get in touch with a school and go from there. I personally cannot give you any reasons to become a nurse, except that you want to enter nursing. I find it a challenging, worthwhile and satisfying career. Best wishes as you begin your journey!

[Sugar637]

i agree with you having family members as nurses would give you an advantage...seems like they are not interested in helping you, that's sucks since they would be the most knowledgeable. yeah everyone is saying you have to do it yourself but come on if they are nurses already they should want to answer your questions, give you tips on what to do...i'm in the lvn program, my goal is to reach rn level but it's hard to look and get questions answered. i always try to talk to as many nurses as i can to see what their story was and how they became a nurse. it inspires me not to give up because this industry is tough...i'm not an rn but i can help you with some questions if you have any =) good luck!

[soulofme]

If this is what you really want to get your degree in...then screw them... Pick yourself up...dust youself off...and go 4 it! Then one day you can look back and say "I did it my way".... And you can laugh...sit back and say...I did do it my way.

[RNperdiem, RN]

Adulthood includes doing for yourself, and, for a lot of us, becoming responsible for others.

Maybe your family sees themselves as respecting your adult status by holding back.

I have relatives who never really grew up because Mom and Dad did too much for them, still gives them money and never lets them fail.

[oregonchinamom]

i love being a nurse but i have to admit that i get enough of being a nurse at work---i really don't want to talk about it at home. it's also difficult to talk to someone about being a nurse that isn't a nurse. you just don't have the vocab yet to understand "nurse-ese". :wink2:

when you are first starting out you are so excited that it's the "all nurse channel, all the time". lol most nurses are just not that excited and idealistic anymore. i love to teach new nurses and do it all the time but it does get tiring after a while. it's a huge emotional investment that some just don't have the energy for anymore.

i'm sorry that you are not getting the support you want. but remember allnurses is the "all nurse channel, all the time"!