Nurses in my Family, but None Are Helping Me

Sugar637 · Jul 27, 2009

Yeah if they don't want to help you then believe in yourself. I know it's sounds easier said then done, but if you really want this you can do it. Just stayed focus and don't let anyone tell you no! Don't give up keep researching and you will find all the answers you need. I had no one to help me. I'm finishing the LVN program in Dec. then I will work for a year and bridge into an RN program. It's tough but if you really want it, it can happen. =)

chicookie, BSN, RN · Jul 27, 2009

This reminds me of when I repeated my pharm class the first day of class another student that repeated the class was introducing herself and said even though I have already taken the class and I still have my notes don't come to me asking for help. When it was my turn I was like since you can't go to her you can come to me, I will even help you in your other classes.

so what does this have to do with you? Some people just don't want to help; they have the ability to and they just don't.

It's worse when they are your family but like you said just put your big girl panties on and move on. Maybe its better that they don't help you because they might cause you to doubt your decision. Come to us, we are more supportive.

suzi-Q · Jul 27, 2009

I understand...My sister in-law is an RN and I got not one shred of advice, encouragment, or help from her. So I was even more determined to show her I was gonna be just fine without her!!! You can do the same.

As far as support and guidance...I came here and got tons of answers. If I couldn't find it in a search (top right of page) I found someone who seemd like they enjoyed "mentoring" and sent them a private meassage. People here were all too happy to help and I thanked them everyday of my program. Now that I have graduated from my LPN program I also went back and thanked of few "in person" too.

I would love to "pay it forward" so go ahead and ask away....

Another thought, a little negative but can't be helped....Maybe they don't know or remember their theory very well and don't want to be embarrased.

GM RN 2010 · Jul 28, 2009

I just graduated from nursing school, but I use to be a surgical tech and one thing I can tell you is that nurses eat there young and most of them really don't want you to succeed. I think a good majority of nurses are miserable and refuse to help others I don't understand why they become nurses the are so cold hearted!!!! I forgot job stability!!!

Lovely_RN, MSN · Jul 28, 2009

I don't think they are being mean on purpose it's just that you can get burned out from repeating yourself over and over again. When I was in nursing school we had to wear uniforms with the school name on them to class. I would be stopped on a daily basis by pre-nursing students with numerous questions. Once after a long day at clinical I had to go to class and I was stopped 3 times before I could get to the front door of the school. I must have spent about 45 minutes of my day answering questions.

Also, if you only say positive things about nursing school you're a liar but say anything negative and you will be accused of trying to discourage the person from their dreams. You're damned if you do and damned if you don't kwim? Sometimes it seems like pre-nursing students are so wired about the entire nursing school admissions process that no matter how much info you give them it only generates more questions! I responded to a PM of a pre-nursing student who is going to go to my old school. It took me about half an hour to write 6 full paragraphs detailing my experiences and after that I got even more PMs asking even more questions! I wouldn't have minded if they were questions that I hadn't answered already but it was really more about offering reassurances about GPA and chances of getting in to the program. I don't have a crystal ball and I don't know what that persons chances are. Next I got even more questions/complaints about the admissions office level of disorganization etc. It can get to be too much after a while. No offense to that person and I really want to be as helpful as I can be but there is nothing that I can do to alleviate their anxiety if 6 paragraphs isn't going to do the trick.

PostOpPrincess, BSN, RN · Jul 28, 2009

I just graduated from nursing school, but I use to be a surgical tech and one thing I can tell you is that nurses eat there young and most of them really don't want you to succeed. I think a good majority of nurses are miserable and refuse to help others I don't understand why they become nurses the are so cold hearted!!!! I forgot job stability!!!

Wow. If that is the case with you, then you know not to do the same. I feel bad for you; I had people who tried to pull me down, but I had many more who supported me and encouraged me to go on.

Trust me, we, the experienced, are not all like that.

CyberVulpine · Jul 28, 2009

Every experience is different, however maybe sharing mine will help you. Until recently I was a computer programmer, I had thought about going back to school for about three years to become an RN. My family is for the most part a medical family, and I had discussed my desire with them. Whenever I brought up the idea, the only response that I would get from my family is how difficult the medical field is. They would tell me about the long shifts, the mandatory overtime, the short staffing, and all of the negative aspects not only of being a nurse, but working in any health care field. It did discourage me from entering the field, however I kept looking into it and finding all I could from others. Almost two years ago I decided that despite what my family told me I was going to do it, for I knew it was something that I wanted to do. So on my own I researched schools and found one that I liked. I talked with my SO about this, and to my surprise his family told me that if I was going to go to school, we were welcome to move in with them rent free until I finished. I made plans to pay for school, gave my employer notice (they even thought it would be a great move for me) and prepared for my move. After all of this I finally told my family, and they asked me to come over one evening to talk with me. I agreed to, even though I knew it was probably going to be an evening of them telling me it was a bad idea and that I should forget it and stay with my employer. Well, I could not have been more wrong, instead of trying to persuade me to give up, it was the opposite. Almost my entire family showed up for that dinner and they told me how proud they were for choosing this career, and they knew that it was the right move for me.

To say I was shocked was an understatement. I even said so much, and asked them why they tried to talk me out of it if they thought it was such a great idea for me. The answer surprised me and I will always remember it. "Nursing school and nursing will take commitment. If you could not choose this profession with others saying it was a bad idea, you were not ready to be a nurse. You needed to find out that you wanted to do it for yourself." Since that day my entire family has been supportive, they have helped me out in many ways, and offered encouragement that means so much to me now.

MedNurse2k · Jul 28, 2009

Awesome responses! I want to respond to each and every one of you, but I just got out of CNA class and am a bit tired.

One thing about me: I have always been independent and a loner - if I need something done, i'd do it myself. I don't ask people for money because I've learned to save up for emergencies. Even when I was in college I barely ever did the study group thing because it didn't work for me. Also, out of all the people in my immediate family, I have the most drive, determination, etc, and never had a problem (fyi, I am the only one who graduated from HS and went to college. - besides the few nurses in my family) I understand that since I've done most things for myself, people assume that I've "got it in the bag". Well, sometimes I am weak and need someone to lean on. I am honestly tired of having to rely on myself, meanwhile everyone else in my family gets a handout everytime something goes wrong. So yeah, when I request help, its truly a rare occassion. I know I can do my own research, I know I am an adult and can do for myself - but I am still human with questions.

Everyone needs help. Everyone. And another note I forgot to mention, my mother is more concerned about me being able to pay my bills, than on my passion to go back to school. So my support system is a little screwed up....but that's another story for another day. Don't get me wrong, she is happy that I want to become a nurse, but if I don't bring up the convo she won't either.

Thank you to everyone. I will do what I have to do, and if I have any questions (after doing my own research first, of course), I know that I can come here for excellent advice. You all are such help I and promise to help anyone who needs my help when I become a nurse.

Paying it forward, regardless if no one in my family has paid it forward with me.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Jul 29, 2009

everyone needs help. everyone. and another note i forgot to mention, my mother is more concerned about me being able to pay my bills, than on my passion to go back to school. so my support system is a little screwed up....but that's another story for another day. don't get me wrong, she is happy that i want to become a nurse, but if i don't bring up the convo she won't either.
paying it forward, regardless if no one in my family has paid it forward with me.

so your mother is concerned about your ability to pay your bills while going to school -- and this is a bad thing? i don't understand why. were you expecting her to pay your bills while you went to school? is that the kind of "support system" you're looking for?

i don't know you or your situation, but from the tone of your post it sounds as if you're expecting your mother to support you by paying your bills while you go back to school. if you're an adult, you need to figure out how to pay your own bills while you go back to school. parents don't owe you continued financial support while you change careers. it's nice if they can afford to and are willing to help out financially, but i suspect they might be concerned about their own bills.

i'm not sure what all you were expecting from your family, but it's possible that you were coming across as totally needy and expecting them to pave your way for you. that's sort of how it comes across in your posts. i'm sure that once you demonstrate your independence and your ability to take care of things yourself, they'll be willing to answer a few questions for you. bear in mind, however, that "a nurse is a nurse is a nurse" is a fallacy. if you're hoping that a l & d nurse can answer questions about what it's like in icu or er, that isn't the case.

good luck with school and your career.

MedNurse2k · Jul 29, 2009

Hi Ruby,

I appreciate your comment. Having said that, I do believe you misunderstood my thread. My situation involves my concern over the nurses in my family not offering advice and assistance in regards to learning more about the nursing profession. It does not involve me soliciting family, especially my mother, for money. I do not live with my mother, and have an apartment with my fiance. I have been blessed to be fortunate enough to have a healthy savings account (that I have contributed to since the age of 17, when I got my first job). I pay all of my bills on time, with my own money. My mother would rather me work full-time, rather than go to school full-time, because she fears that I will one day not be able to pay my bills. I have to reassure her that school is an investment, and that I will reap the rewards soon.

Perhaps I should have explained that more clearly - no one in my life financially supports me. The last time anyone supported me financially, I was 16 and in high school. Either way, this post was to explain a very sensative topic, not to pout about how no one loves me or pays my bills. I'm afraid that my writing that one sentence about my mother put a bad taste in your mouth, but that is certainly not the kinda girl I am. Thank you for taking time to respond, however I feel you are way off on my situation...but I am being respectful, as I would never disrespect anyone, in person, or behind a computer screen. There will always be people in this world who have different view points than myself, and that take my kindness for weakness. I may be sensative, but I am certainly not weak. Everything I have, I've earned.

But I still thank the kind people who offered positive responses, and who truly understand where I am coming from. What doesn't kill me makes me stronger - and I'm still alive. Praise Jesus, for he will not forsake me, even when others do!!

**Edited to Add: after having such a great talk with some family members, and some ammmmaaazzzing friends, I am so over being depressed over this. I've gotten soooo much positive comments from you fabulous nurses, that I am confident I can do this on my own. **holding my head up high, and ignoring the nay sayers, and rude people**