Nurse to Nurse Abuse (how do I fix this)

pedicurn, LPN, RN · Aug 10, 2010

Sounds like a mixture of bad manners/cattiness/ignorance and bullying.

It's important that you don't throw it all in and leave yourself without valuable experience and a job .... you mustn't end up with the short straw because of their behaviour.

It sounds like you enjoy the speciality.

If this is a relatively safe place to work regarding your license ....then I would stay and concentrate on learning as much as I could. When you become more proficient, then a lot of the poor behaviour will lessen (always does with these types)

Pick out a mentor ...learn all you can....network....look after your license ...and your future will be bright

Best wishes. Just a shame these are your coworkers. However you will emerge stronger for it ... plus gain some managing difficult people skills.

Hopefully. when the recession is over you will then be in a better position to move to another PACU

TheCommuter, BSN, RN · Aug 10, 2010

I have observed a recurring theme over the years...mean coworkers will almost always target certain individuals while seemingly leaving the others on the unit alone. It revolves around their perception of us. If your coworkers view you as a 'softie' or a patsy who will not stand up vocally for yourself, you'll be a target for further abuse. If you're looked upon as someone who will put up resistance and not permit people to walk over you like a doormat, then coworkers will catch a clue and leave you alone.

In other words, nurses can "bully-proof" themselves by openly confronting the foul behavior as soon as it happens. If we make ourselves too difficult to pick on, the offenders will simply pick on easier targets.

Nurse-to-nurse abuse is a crime of opportunity that is also known as lateral violence. People tend to pick on the most opportune targets: those who don't respond defensively to the abuse. In addition, if nothing is done the first time around, coworkers will continue the abuse and picking, because they know that they can get away with it.

MLTtonursing, BSN, PhD · Aug 10, 2010

I agree with the other posts. I myself have worked in some areas where I was also the victim. I left my job because it had gotten so bad. But as always the next hospital I went to another small hospital it was sort of the same. It was then and there I decided I wouldn't let people as such bother me and make me leave my job. I started to nip things right in the bud right then and there before it started getting to far. Sometimes you have to call people out in a way to let them know not to pick on you. That's what I had to do where I am now and it got better. You have to stand up for yourself but in a non threatening way to let people know not to pick on you. If people see you in a certain way you tend to get picked on. I just say keep your head held high and before long it won't bother you.

PostOpPrincess, BSN, RN · Aug 10, 2010

It's difficult working with women.

Especially Alpha, gossipy Queen Bees. There is a hierarchy they have created in their heads and you HAVE to be extremely strong and VERY RIGHT to combat it. There is no "VICTIM". You ARE NOT one, so don't start down that path. You just happen to be in "their way," and that's not gonna matter if you use your smarts.

It's a lot of work, and unless your skin is steel, almost not worth it. Here's some advice should you decide to take on this mission:

1. Gather evidence you're not sitting on your patientsi.e. know your anesthetics well, the side effects, and make sure you really ARE NOT taking too long. Example: An unremarkable 31-year-old Lap Appy with no significant history should be recovered within one hour. That's MY benchmark. I can recover in less time, if I frontload them with pain meds. You have to be very, very, very comfortable and TOTALLY understand the continuum of anesthesia and narcotics. Increase your productivity level and create your own stats.

2. Create Performance Improvement Projects and make yourself known. Start a study and get it published--join your local, state, and the national perianesthesia associations.

3. Always be on time--always leave on time. Be direct in your communication, and don't sound like a little "girl". Sound confident, and straightforward. NOT RUDE; just act like you know your $***. Don't participate in the gossip and BE VERY, VERY PROFESSIONAL in your dealings with everyone. By that I mean, no "honey" "pookie" "Sweetie" "baby." It's always, "Sir," "Ma'am" "Mr." "Mrs." and get everyone to address you as Nurse ______Last Name...

4. LOOK professional. DO NOT LOOK LIKE A HOOCHIE mama or a disaster. I'm not saying look like a supermodel, just look clean, and TOGETHER.

5. Walk straight, look them in the eye. And then give them the "I dare you" look.

Good luck.

eriksoln, BSN, RN · Aug 10, 2010

I have been a nurse for the past six years, currently in ( a small) PACU for a year. The nurses that I work with still pick on me. Granted, it has become better than when I first started there. Here are some examples of what I mean: 1.) Information is withheld from me 2.) When asking questions, I am made to feel like I asked a stupid question 3.) Gossip (i.e. I'm sitting down all the time when I am not, I take too long with patients etc) 4.) Not talking to me.
I realize that these are not specific examples but I just wanted to give a general show of "reoccuring" themes. I have done a lot of soul-searching trying to figure out if it is me. Am I difficult to work with? Am I not seeing the bigger picture? etc. All of this to no avail. I truly am trying my hardest and want to be supportive to everyone on the unit. I want to get along with these women.
After speaking to a senior nurse on the unit she confided in me that she believes these struggles are unique to this unit. She came from a much busier PACU and said everyone was much too busy to pick on others the way these nurses do. She has told me to hold me head up high and just continue working. I am doing my best with this but I would be lying if I didn't say that these nurses really upset me. They make me question if I am a good nurse or not. I have gotten better at dealing with this (letting it roll off of my shoulder). I can't help but wonder if I should just grow a thicker hide or if I am asking too much by wanting to be treated well.
With the economy, being the way it is, nursing jobs where I live are hard to come by. This job is close and the hours work well for my family. I really enjoy the work I am doing, except, of course the way the nurses treat me. My nurse manager (team leader) is part of the problem. I do not know the women above her well enough (nor do I have the guts) to speak about these issues for fear of retaliation.
My question (and thank you for so patiently reading this)....Is this something I can fix? How do I better cope with this? Has anyone experienced this and was able to work through the problem?
Sincerely,
A nurse with a hope for a better future

Well, to start with, I'll mirror what your manager said with a little story:

When I was a travel nurse, I got to see lots of different management styles. All the managers I had approached things differently. Some were more effective than others, and a couple were uniquely effective. One such manager was my manager at a busy but not crazy busy M/S unit.

Whenever gossip and bickering came up.........AT ALL.......she repeated the same mantra "People who don't have enough to do fight about things of this nature." And she'd follow it up with action. If she had to mediate for two workers and she decided it was petty fighting, sure enough we'd find ourselves with extended duties and less generous staffing for a few weeks. It was hard to believe how much this worked for making people looking to spread misery step back and thing twice, you could almost see them saying to themselves "Is calling Sally fat really worth having one less CNA for three weeks?".

In short, I agree with your manager. These people don't have enough to do. BEWARE. Your manager has already realized this. They may be taking action based on this in the near future.

And, finally, to answer your question, "How do I fix this?"

My answer..........you don't. There is no magical way to smile or talk to these people that will all of a sudden make them grow up and find another way to pump themselves up. There is not "choice words" or way of acting that will make them fear treating you or anyone else poorly.

What you do "fix" is yourself.

A - Keep your nose to the grindstone and don't let them know they bother you. People with the character of the one's you described are much like sharks. They smell blood and begin to circle. Only solution to this is not to bleed when they try to cut you with their words. Repeat the deodorant commercial theme to yourself "Never let them see you sweat"

B- As far as gossip and not talking to you go, you're just going to have to live with that. "Liking" your fellow employees can't be mandated. On the other hand, withholding information and being snippy on the other hand can present a problem that could reach the patient. Thus, if it becomes an issue, write down or remember the specifics and report it. If someone rushes through report with you cause they dont want to talk to you and want to hurry up and go gossip with their buddy..........report them for poor shift hand-off skills. A proper shift hand-off report is mandatory, it is required by the people your boss AND THEIR BOSS answers to.........the state/JACHO and such. Complaints of improper shift hand-off reports will be taken seriously.

Dealing with people of this nature is a very Zen-ish trait. Its not something anyone can explain to you in a post on this site, its not something that can be written about or explained in a book (although many have tried). I got my time in the cage with the lions when I was a young Landscape Supervisor. I had to learn how to handle crews that had: 1. Adults freshly out of jail, 2. Teens working because their parents made them, no interest in being there and 3. People who were chronically unemployable. I had to take a crew made up of these characters and convince them to work together, get along and respect the rules. In the beginning, I often failed to deliver. After a couple years, I just picked up certain traits that made it possible. What those traits are..........can't be listed or described. Its..........Zen-ish. I do believe confidence, a sense of selflessness that does not emit a desperation to be liked and being honest yet tactful are part of it, but there is more.

Stick to your guns, keep your nose to the grindstone and eventually you will find yourself deflecting these types of people without even thinking of it.

I must also insert a bit of a disclaimer here. You said you did some soul searching. Good. Never lose the ability to always, FIRST, consider every problem from an introspective POV. You hinted at already having done that so I am assuming their complaints are not valid.

They say you are too slow..............make sure everyone is not answering your call lights all day while you focus on doing one task at a time. They act as though you are bothering them when you ask questions............make sure you are not asking about things that someone with your time in the field should know.

If you have done that, as you said you did, then everything preceding this disclaimer pertains to you.

eriksoln, BSN, RN · Aug 10, 2010

It's difficult working with women.
Especially Alpha, gossipy Queen Bees. There is a hierarchy they have created in their heads and you HAVE to be extremely strong and VERY RIGHT to combat it. There is no "VICTIM". You ARE NOT one, so don't start down that path. You just happen to be in "their way," and that's not gonna matter if you use your smarts.
It's a lot of work, and unless your skin is steel, almost not worth it. Here's some advice should you decide to take on this mission:
1. Gather evidence you're not sitting on your patientsi.e. know your anesthetics well, the side effects, and make sure you really ARE NOT taking too long. Example: An unremarkable 31-year-old Lap Appy with no significant history should be recovered within one hour. That's MY benchmark. I can recover in less time, if I frontload them with pain meds. You have to be very, very, very comfortable and TOTALLY understand the continuum of anesthesia and narcotics. Increase your productivity level and create your own stats.
2. Create Performance Improvement Projects and make yourself known. Start a study and get it published--join your local, state, and the national perianesthesia associations.
3. Always be on time--always leave on time. Be direct in your communication, and don't sound like a little "girl". Sound confident, and straightforward. NOT RUDE; just act like you know your $***. Don't participate in the gossip and BE VERY, VERY PROFESSIONAL in your dealings with everyone. By that I mean, no "honey" "pookie" "Sweetie" "baby." It's always, "Sir," "Ma'am" "Mr." "Mrs." and get everyone to address you as Nurse ______Last Name...
4. LOOK professional. DO NOT LOOK LIKE A HOOCHIE mama or a disaster. I'm not saying look like a supermodel, just look clean, and TOGETHER.
5. Walk straight, look them in the eye. And then give them the "I dare you" look.
Good luck.

:lol2: LMAO. Sorry, I'm still waiting for the ending I was expecting.........."This message will self destruct in 10 seconds."

NewTexasRN · Aug 10, 2010

After reading your post I had to ask, "Why do you tolerate this?" Six years as a nurse and you are still getting this? Oh no honey. Not I. I would raise you know what. It seems like you are a softy so until the day you decide to stand up for yourself it will never stop.

madwife2002, BSN, RN · Aug 10, 2010

I have a friend who is experiencing the same problem at the moment so my heart goes out to you because I am worried and concerned about her and the treatment she is recieving.

It has always been my findings that those people who are being so mean and finding fault are so not perfect and I took quiet pleasure in smiling to myself for catching them out in little mistakes that they had picked me up for. I never said anything because it always looks like sour grapes but privatly it cheered me up.

I would hope you have a good manager who needs to address this situation and if she cant then HR have a responsibility to do do something. They will have done lots of courses on this sort of behaviour and should be able to advise or manage such situations.

Orange Tree · Aug 10, 2010

I tried extra hard to fit in and be nice when I started nursing ....AND IT DID NOT WORK. It wasn't until I developed a "so what?" additude that people started to come around and get a bit friendlier. I didn't get mean or rude, I just quit smiling at people who made no effort to be friendly back to me.

tencat · Aug 10, 2010

It's nice to work where I don't have to be with coworkers every blessed minute of the day. Bullying happens if you're not willing to stand up for yourself. The worst bully I've encountered was a male.....though I imagine that's unusual. When you put a lot of people together in a stressful situation where they feel like they have no control, they're bound to snip and snap at each other in less than healthy ways....happens in a lot of jobs where people are held responsible for many things they have little control over.

rosey2007 · Aug 10, 2010

Thanks OP for this question. I was a CNA and have had some similar issues as you have had.