Nurse Bully, please protect your young: "Don't eat them"
Nurses are divided in two groups. The first is tough skin, and strong willed. The second is sweet, angelical, compassionate and don’t have a mean bone in their body. When group number one gets frustrated they take their grievances to the young and docile. Please don’t do it Mr. bully. Have some guts and face your boss and his rules, the ones you really have a problem with.
I believe nurses are very special individuals. Think about it. They are professionals who take care of others in their dire moments. They patiently heal the putrid wounds of some; calm the fear and hopelessness of others; tolerate ingratitude and hostility daily; endure day after day of toiling around the sick and dying. Is only natural you'll find compassionate and warm hearted beings among nurses. I have been in other professions and the contrast is clear to me.
But because nursing is a tough job; some of us develop a thick skin. In a way, is a protection mechanism some develop to survive - you either get tough or you die. Although there is nothing wrong with being tough, some nurses can become quite aggressive and hostile to other nurses. We all have met them at some point, I surely did. But even being aggressive and assertive, nurses cannot match the aggressiveness of some bosses. Oh yes, let's talk about them bosses.
But bosses are people too. Yes, there are reasons why nurse bosses are sometimes so bossy. But bosses also have their though fights to fight. They too must develop an even tougher skin to survive the trials and tribulations of health care. Sometimes bosses are just nurses who left the floor because they simply couldn't take it anymore. Then to find even more stress in management.
Nurses are usually between a rock and a hard place. They have lots of responsibility, but lack the power to make decisions on their own. Doctors have much more say so in regards to their professional lay out. They call the shots, they can fire patients and are respected by most. Nurses on the other hand need to make decisions but always filtered by a set of rules created by others. Nurses must endure whatever BS is thrown at them. If you have an abusive patient, all you can do is to write a note and hope for the best. Most nurses can't simply fire a patient or they'll get fired.
Nurses run the show but are told how things should run. Often by someone who is deciding for them from an office chair; people who never worked on a floor or have not worked in years and can't remember anything. So, nurses are in a pressure cooker situation. Pressure from all sides and not an outlet in sight.
Well actually there is: and that is to relief the pressure on the least dangerous and inconsequential outlet - the young and vulnerable ones. The perplexed and scared nurslings are the recipient of a lot of pent-up anger. But why older nurses engage in this predatory and coward behavior?
It must be their inability to change the system and claim their power. Their extreme frustration lead them to eat their young. The ones they should be nourishing, protecting and grooming to take nursing to the next level just got eaten for lunch. Just like scared animals - they step on their own eggs. This is unfortunate.
If young nurses were well groomed and nurtured they would be the ones able to take nursing to the next level. Instead nurses create a culture of perpetuating the errors inflicted in them by transferring it to the young.
Protecting the young
Again, if you want to bully someone bully the oppressor and not the oppressed. Bully your problems and not the people who are here to learn. The bully energy is good energy but wasted and pointed in the wrong direction.
The alternative to bullying is to preserve and protect the young: because teaching the young the right ways is the only viable way to change nursing culture. It changes things because the young always will change the world. But instead we teach them the culture of bullying. We create perfect students in the art of bullying others. Nothing changes.
So, Mr. Bully next time you decide to torture the young, think of why you went into nursing back in the day. Bullying the young will only perpetuate the culture of abusiveness you were ounce, and continues to be a victim of.
I agree with the general principle, that nurses do become distressed and take it out on each other. It is not right, but it happens. Married people do that too. And siblings. And best friends. Literally everyone, to some extent has misdirected their anger. But it doesn't make all of them bullies (unless it's constant/excessive). It would be ideal for us all to always appropriately express ourselves to one another...but we are human. I am one of those "softy" young nurses...and I formed strong bonds with many nurses who did come off angry/intimidating...because I reacted like a professional. Usually there is something that the nurse is trying to teach me. Maybe the nurse expresses this in frustration, but rather than take it to heart, I learn. I also channel my "softy" compassion when anger is misdirected at me and that has opened doors to understanding and helping others, and even becoming friendly with the "Meanies" :) and in return...one of those "bullies" hugged me as i cried after a very stressful shift. My point...reactions matter too. And can completely change the bond between coworkers.
Also...I've seen older nurses get disrespected, and bad mouthed by younger nurses. I see that a lot..."so and so is so set in her ways. So and so is too old, too slow." (Then, I want to hug so and so!) 99% of the nurses i think are, "mean" turn out to be such great nurses because I looked to find their good side. And that 1% of truly mean spirited nurses, are few/far...I've met only one. And I feel sorry for her. And i try not to let her get under my skin.
Basically. Just look for the good in others. You'll find most bullies are just great nurses, trying to teach you, or having a bad day. Honestly!
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
quitor1moretry said:
I came to this site looking for some compassion, but also honesty, real experiences, but found none of that. I remember feeling like a nothing as an LPN. One day I said to the doctor I was working with, "I'm just an LPN." she furrowed her eyebrows and looked at me quizzically, as if she didn't understand what I had said. And then She yelled, I don't ever want to hear you say that again." She continued to yell at me, " I couldn't do my job without you. You save my day everyday!" If anybody ever said anything cross or mean about me to her and she felt it unjust, they got an ear full. Because she knew the challenges I faced just to make it as far as I have. She saw something special in me that nobody else had ever seen in me before, and nobody has seen in me since. Her words of encouragement have carried me a long way. and nobody can take away the fact that I am a good nurse.. I am compassionate. and I want to be part of helping others fulfill their goal to provide compassionate care. So, for those who like my message please respond to my questions, concerns, suggestions and comments. For those who think Im a wack job, please keep your opinions to your self.
Thank you and good night.
There is plenty of wisdom, honesty and advice on this forum, although it will never be stated exactly as you prefer. You need to pick through a post, decide what pertains to your situation, choose the advice that will benefit you and overlook the rest. You cannot dictate how anyone else responds to anything you put out there, so you might as well decide up front that you'll use the nuggets of great information that you find and leave the rest.
Have you ever actually precepted? Precepting is a very difficult job; taking your own patients without an orientee is a far lighter workload.
Someone who is continually precepting is responsible for the patients the orientee is caring for, but tends to lose track of the shortcuts, tips and timesavers that they habitually apply in their own practice but cannot apply when orientees are present. I might be able to glance at the monitor and think (accurately) "Atrial fibrillation" and immediately recognize that we've been diuresing a bit too aggressively. But with an orientee present, I have to go through all of the steps -- print off the strip, analyze the intervals, determine the rates and then go through the steps of critical thinking with the orientee to determine the probable cause that this patient went into A fib at this time. Then we have to discuss what to do about it, which doctor we contact for this issue, what orders to anticipate . . . and on and on. Alone, I can do the steps pretty much in my head without pausing to think through the steps, notify the physician and have the orders in about 1/4 of the time it takes with an orientee. But if I never take care of patients without an orientee present, I tend to lose track of those shortcuts.
In all but one of the hospitals I've worked in, there's been training and support for preceptors. That isn't an issue. What is the issue is that precepting is exhausting. I love to teach and have been told over and over that I'm good at it -- by managers, nurse educators and orientees. (And by my clinical students.) Precepting, done right, is not "light duty". Someone looking for a PRN position isn't going to be a preceptor because they aren't on the unit enough to keep abreast of the changes in practice, the new policies and procedures coming down the pike and because management and educators aren't going to know and respect their practice. (Unless, of course, they are on the unit "PRN" 36 hours a week, and in that case, what's the point in being PRN?) As a "seasoned nurse" close to retirement, I can verify that precepting is not a lessening of the workload. Yes, you have that young, able bodied orientee to "help you", but everything takes longer. I'm holding that 200 pound patient on his side for a LONG time so that the orientee can listen to his lung sounds, and it takes her three times as long as it would take me or my experienced colleagues. Granted, there are two nurses going into the room when it's time to clean up poop, but I have to explain to her what she needs to bring into the room, what to assess and how to assess it, but again, it takes her longer so I'm left holding that patient on his side for a very long time, never mind that my 61 year old back is aching and my knees are acting up.
It's also a very nice idea that only those who want to precept are doing the precepting. Unfortunately, with 12 or 13 new orientees hitting our unit every six months (and orientation being 5-6 months) everyone who has ever had to renew their nursing license will be precepting. Whether they are burned out from continuously precepting for the past two years or whether they're fresh from that preceptor workshop. The nurse whose husband is in the CCU waiting for the heart transplant and whose son is in jail (again) and who just moved her aged mother into her home to keep a closer eye on her wandering has BEGGED not to be given an orientee this time around because she just doesn't have enough energy for teaching in addition to keeping her patients safe. So sorry -- meet your new orientee, Edgar. The nurse who just came back to work after a six month medical leave . . . your orientee is Eileen, but she's in class today so we'll have you working with Susie's orientee because Susie called in sick. We've tried not to give Lucinda an orientee because she's a lousy preceptor and her practice is somewhat questionable, but Gilbert needs a guest preceptor today and Edgar needs a guest preceptor tomorrow and Agatha will need a guest preceptor on the weekend, so that's your next four shifts. We've been promising Bertha that she'll have a break from precepting due to her anxiety issues, but we have nursing students on the unit today, and Bertha will have to take one. Or two.
And this could be the start of a thread about why you shouldn't expect that your preceptor is a good teacher and eager to teach YOU at this time.
I agree with the general principle, that nurses do become distressed and take it out on each other. It is not right, but it happens. Married people do that too. And siblings. And best friends.. But it doesn't make all of them bullies (unless it's constant/excessive).It would be ideal for us all to always appropriately express ourselves to one another...but we are human. I am one of those "softy" young nurses...and I formed strong bonds with many nurses who did come off angry/intimidating...because I reacted like a professional. Usually there is something that the nurse is trying to teach me. Maybe the nurse expresses this in frustration, but rather than take it to heart, I learn. I also channel my "softy" compassion when anger is misdirected at me and that has opened doors to understanding and helping others, and even becoming friendly with the "Meanies" ? and in return...one of those "bullies" hugged me as I cried after a very stressful shift. My point...reactions matter too. And can completely change the bond between coworkers.
Also...I've seen older nurses get disrespected, and bad mouthed by younger nurses. I see that a lot..."so and so is so set in her ways. So and so is too old, too slow." (Then, I want to hug so and so!) 99% of the nurses I think are, "mean" turn out to be such great nurses because I looked to find their good side. And that 1% of truly mean spirited nurses, are few/far...I've met only one. And I feel sorry for her. And I try not to let her get under my skin.
Basically. Just look for the good in others. You'll find most bullies are just great nurses, trying to teach you, or having a bad day. Honestly!
Well here goes one more time ... I was bashed by Ruby Vee for saying that I was hired directly out of my BSN program to become an SICU nurse and my skills were equal to a diploma nurse hired on the same day. I was promoted within months to charge nurse in the unit when I passed my boards. I went on to the ER and the OR heading an open heart surgery team . I worked psych, then became a Health Care Facilities Suryeyor and worked for the BON for my state. Please don't become a crusty old bat or let anyone bully you.
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
twinsmom788 said:
Well here goes one more time ... I was bashed by Ruby Vee for saying that I was hired directly out of my BSN program to become an SICU nurse and my skills were equal to a diploma nurse hired on the same day. I was promoted within months to charge nurse in the unit when I passed my boards. I went on to the ER and the OR heading an open heart surgery team . I worked psych, then became a Health Care Facilities Suryeyor and worked for the BON for my state. Please don't become a crusty old bat or let anyone bully you.
Oh good Lord. Disagreeing with you is not bashing or bullying you. By the way, I still think a diploma nurse on her first day has far superior "skills" to a BSN new grad, especially in the SICU. But that would be a difference of opinion, not an example of me bullying youl
Here's the link to the "bashing" you were complaining about.
No bashing; just disagreement. I wonder how many years you would hold a grudge if I did bash you.
not sure what qualifies as bullying. there are a couple of old hags at my hospital who have unresolved issues with themselves.
I'm going on 3+ yeas now. I've gotten:
"you're not a nurse." not sure what that meant. my response was: "odd... I am your RN coworker."
one walks away during mid report.
another bumps me with her computer cart
this one likes to make a scene about the patients refusing me as their nurse. not sure what transpired in the patients' room. note, I've only been refused twice and she was the oncoming shift nurse BOTH times. on the other hand, I've also been recognized by patients and their family members as an outstanding nurse.
one always tells me how I'm screwing up. for example, I was reprimanded because I gave a patients benadryl to assist sleep (it's indicated for itching) because he didn't have a sleeping aid ordered and I didn't want to call the MD at 2AM. ironically, it's perfectly fine when she does it.
one even randomly called me stupid, once. LOL
doesn't bother me as much as it used to.
sickonXmas said:
my preceptor was over 50 at the time of my training. I never referred to her as "old hag" or "having unresolved issues" with herself. I work with a few wonderful people in their 60s. what happened to these others?
1 of them (who berates me often) I hold highly in regards to her "nursing" capabilities. to try to make my peace with her, I covered her sick time, once.
another, called me blind because I told her, her iv bag was almost empty. there was 50cc left in there and the pump was beeping, so I slowed the rate to KVO. at the nursing station, she said "what? are you blind? thing is half full.
1 even accused me of stealing the the unit camera when it was lost. it was in another patients' room.
I guess I'm the bad guy/bully because I referred to these folks with s***** attitudes as "old hags" and having "unresolved issues" on allnurses. I never did anything to receive that type of treatment from them. awesome logic, I guess. can't say I never tried to build a working relationship with any of them.
While I do not agree with co-workers being rude to each other and name calling, I also know that there are always two sides to everything. I have been guilty of walking away mid report because I was tired of the rude behavior of the on-coming nurse. Constant interruptions, expecting me to give all info (instead of doing own assessment etc), constantly not paying attention and then asking me to repeat, etc etc. Please note that I did not do this based on only one encounter it was after many many reports like this and after I tried nicely to make my point understood. After running for 12hrs straight I was in no mood for nonsense.
whatdayisit11to7Nrse
47 Posts
I agree with the general principle, that nurses do become distressed and take it out on each other. It is not right, but it happens. Married people do that too. And siblings. And best friends. Literally everyone, to some extent has misdirected their anger. But it doesn't make all of them bullies (unless it's constant/excessive). It would be ideal for us all to always appropriately express ourselves to one another...but we are human. I am one of those "softy" young nurses...and I formed strong bonds with many nurses who did come off angry/intimidating...because I reacted like a professional. Usually there is something that the nurse is trying to teach me. Maybe the nurse expresses this in frustration, but rather than take it to heart, I learn. I also channel my "softy" compassion when anger is misdirected at me and that has opened doors to understanding and helping others, and even becoming friendly with the "Meanies" :) and in return...one of those "bullies" hugged me as i cried after a very stressful shift. My point...reactions matter too. And can completely change the bond between coworkers.
Also...I've seen older nurses get disrespected, and bad mouthed by younger nurses. I see that a lot..."so and so is so set in her ways. So and so is too old, too slow." (Then, I want to hug so and so!) 99% of the nurses i think are, "mean" turn out to be such great nurses because I looked to find their good side. And that 1% of truly mean spirited nurses, are few/far...I've met only one. And I feel sorry for her. And i try not to let her get under my skin.
Basically. Just look for the good in others. You'll find most bullies are just great nurses, trying to teach you, or having a bad day. Honestly!