Updated: Published
I have worked in my unit for 5 yrs now. I have done many projects and led a committee in our unit. One of my biggest projects was the performance improvement project that everyone in my unit approved, liked, and has been using.
I did a survey for it to involve everyone. I'm leading a huge committee where I do monthly meetings with stakeholders and unit staff. I precept new nurses. I always come to work on time, with no call-outs, and no written warnings.
We do peer review in our unit every yr. This a unique unit event where we anonymously review the staff assigned to us by answering questions and doing a free-form comment. After 5 yrs someone said a negative review about me which is that I gossip.
My manager took it seriously and made it a reason for me not to get a promotion. I asked HR if peer review will affect my record or going up the ladder and they said no because it is only for our unit. When I mentioned to my manager my desire to be rn3 she said I can't get it because I do not have emotional intelligence because of gossiping and I am not famous like the new nurse she just hired. So I did not let her comment affect me, I paid and attended an emotional intelligence class and submitted the class certificate together with my rn3 application.
I had my yearly evaluation today. One from our LCN, which was a very good evaluation and she said I will get my rn3. For my manager, she said all those good things I have done for the unit and she said I am a good nurse but I am not mature and need to grow up because of the gossiping.
I asked her before the evaluation if she has proof that I do it and all she said was there were people who agree when she asked them. Today I asked her who are those people who said that I gossip, what was content, what are the proof and why aren't talking to me directly. And then she said there were no people, she was just basing it on the anonymous peer review. She is confusing me.
During the evaluation, she kinda confirm I will not be promoted but that I need to do another project for the unit. I was speechless and could not think. What she said to me about not having emotional intelligence, being immature, and that I gossip is now affecting my mental health and motivation at work. What should I do? Should I go to HR? Should I just leave? I love the staff nurses and doctors I work with and I love my patients. I need guidance. I do not want to do a lot of things in the unit and not be paid for it.
FiremedicMike said:Y'all are actually trying to pretend that 98% of all nurses aren't gossiping for the majority of their shift.
It's why I don't talk, lunch, fb friend, or do much with coworkers. It just leads to crazy crap down the road. I listen to them knife each other in the back on the regular
abu123 said:Our clinical ladder works through projects, becoming a charge nurse, not having an occurrence, and of course what the manager feels about you. The manager sometimes asks for advice/comments from the lead clinical nurses if this person deserves it. But I really think you go up the ladder if your manager likes you. There was a new nurse in our unit who did not have a project and was only in our unit for a year and was promoted immediately. In my case, my manager does not like me, so I will never be promoted. I feel like ever since I started my master's degree, and doing big projects (which at first she did not like), it made her treatments towards me sort off negative. I can't prove it though, but that is what I noticed.
I'm in the middle of finishing my master's degree. Once I graduate, I will fly and get a better opportunity somewhere else. I think it is better to just keep proving her wrong for now. I will just keep my mouth shut and not go to HR. It is just hard to work with a person you do not anymore respect as a leader. But I'll keep going and not let her negative personal comments affect me.
Thank you, everyone, for reading and responding to my post. It helped me a lot emotionally to vent/post here. I do not feel safe telling anyone at work about it, I just feel like it will create more chaos. But it is so hard to keep it to yourself though. Thanks again!
Revenge is best served with a cold with a diploma holding a master's.
FiremedicMike said:I have to laugh at the entire premise here.
Y'all are actually trying to pretend that 98% of all nurses aren't gossiping for the majority of their shift.
Nope, not pretending anything. My whole premise is that the OP deserves to be given specific examples of her behavior, or it should not be used to discipline or deny promotional opportunities.
An anonymous peer review seems like a toxic game. I feel like we played a game like this in middle school. Can't remember what it was called, but it was a way to say something about somebody without taking any responsibility for it.
No way a petty game like this should be played in the workplace.
I feel like there are 2 good choices. I. Go to HR and report workplace hostility. Because that game is hostile, and that's what it is, it's not peer review, it's a game. 2. Request a transfer. Because even if HR corrects your boss, she's already proven herself to be petty and not someone to work under by choice.
FiremedicMike said:My post wasn't directed at any one person, just the overall theme of this thread.
How many true gossiper nurses have you met who go out and voluntarily take a course on emotional intelligence when they are accused of their gossiping?
Yes people gossip, though I haven't noticed it being as pervasive and constant as you describe. Regardless, as far as I've been able to tell the real/worst offenders aren't trying to do anything about it. Therefore I don't think this is as big of a problem with the OP as his/her manager is making it out to be.
Interestingly, an anonymous "peer review" with criticisms is kind of another instance of people giving their critiques of one person...to another person instead of the one they are critiquing. Now why does that sound familiar?
These are some of the reasons I come out on the side of the OP.
Emergent said:The best thing for someone who is annoyed by gossip to do, is to say something in the moment. Saying things in the moment is much more effective than backbiting, which is another undesirable social habit that a lot of people have, including people who say bad things about their co-workers behind their backs.
Fully agree! This would actually encourage OP to stop tho, as opposed to tattling to the manager which just stirs up drama (which may have been the point). Also, did anyone find it ironic that the manager's response to investigate was to go around telling everybody what someone said about OP then asking if they agreed. Kinda also sounds like gossip to me...? Overall this whole thing seems petty. And I'm sure the ones who complained are in a clique with the manager.
I also found it interesting that all this occurred after you implemented a successful performance improvement project and are currently leading a large committee. Any reason to think the manager feels threatened by your potential and doesn't want you in a leadership position? Hate to think like that but I've seen it several times before.
nursej22, MSN, RN
4,878 Posts
OP, your situation sounds so much like one I worked in while I was pursuing my masters. I refused to engage in the gossiping of coworkers, preferring to stick with patient care. I made suggestions to improve patient care that would have added some tasks that were deemed unimportant, such as documenting a physical assessment upon patient arrival. I tried repeatedly to change my schedule so that I wasn't on call every Friday night. I was accused of being hostile, and written up for incidents that never happened. I had to make a point to approach each and every coworker every shift and greet them personally.
I finished my degree and got the heck out of dodge.