No One Understands

**NICU Guy, BSN, RN** · Nov 28, 2019

What would have happened if you told them that you need to sleep during the day and you will arrive at your grandmother's house at XX time? You do not want to feel guilty by not helping your grandmother, but they obviously have no guilt.

**LibraSunCNM, BSN, MSN, CNM** · Nov 28, 2019

I'm seeing a lot of "I have to," for a 23 year old adult professional. Perhaps it's time to reconsider living with your parents and the dynamic it creates between you.

Rionoir, ADN, RN · Nov 28, 2019

I agree with all the above - you don't "have to".

TheMoonisMyLantern, ADN, LPN, RN · Nov 28, 2019

I'd be hitting the door so fast their heads spin around. Don't cater to people who don't appreciate you, even if they are family. No reason you should have to live at home at your age as an RN. You deserve to be able to do what you want to do.

Taylor ce · Nov 28, 2019

I’m 24. I still live with my parents. I never sleep all day before my nightshifts. If I wake up early, I do some chores then relax before work. If I wake up later, my mom does some work. If not, then I finish it the next morning after work. I think the problem in your situation is lack of communication. You should explain to them how important it is for you to get some rest before such demanding job, especially at night and that they should help you with the stuff you have (you don’t) to do. I think while living together it all should be done in half and together. It’s not okay when one person takes care of everything. It’s family, talk openly to them that something is bothering you or you wish they could be more understanding.

JKL33 · Nov 29, 2019

20 hours ago, AlmostThere19 said:
My family doesn't understand how much being a nurse takes out of me. I have to work tonight, and I've had to spend all day today and yesterday helping my grandmother prepare our family's huge annual Thanksgiving feast. She can't do it herself and I don't see anyone else volunteering to help her. I live with my parents, and I also had to spend a lot of this morning doing all the housework (including cleaning up after 8 cats) because they won't do any of it. Do they not understand I'm going to work tonight to work my tail off until 7am, and I've had no sleep whatsoever today even though normal night shift people sleep all day before heading into work? I know I'm 23 and the youngest in the family, but I can't do everything. This is ridiculous, and I'm just so frustrated.

Are you paying the bills too (mortgage, utilities, insurance, upkeep, etc.), or what do you mean when you refer to doing "everything?"

Or, if you are bartering your cleaning and party prep skills for room and board, then it sounds like that arrangement isn't working out and it might be time to get out on your own.

Or, if you don't like the way your family lives (they don't ever clean their house, etc.) you may have to move out so that you can live the way you want to live.

Nunya, BSN · Nov 29, 2019

People who've never worked nightshift will never understand what it's like. Never. So either learn to live with it or do what you want to do and let the chips (and litter boxes) fall where they may. It's probably easier to just move out. Or the next time they expect something like this call them several times during the night and then when they complain the next day say that's what they do to you....

DeeAngel · Nov 29, 2019

In the future get yourself a hotel room. Your parents are adults and they can figure it out without your help when you have to work.

Closed Account 12345 · Nov 30, 2019

At 23 years old with a professional career, especially since you're working night shift, I'd recommend getting your own place and establishing boundaries with your family.

You're right; your grandma shouldn't suffer because capable adults aren't helping. However, there are other options than cooking all day, like sharing a catered Thanksgiving meal with your grandma or taking her out to a restaurant that's open on Thanksgiving before heading home to rest.

I think it's best for adults to live independently and launch from the nest, which is just my personal opinion. There's no way my parents would have adjusted their own lifestyle and schedule around me if I'd lived with them in my 20s. They would have a) encouraged me to launch, and b) carried on as usual.

Swellz · Nov 30, 2019

If you are unable to move out, which I do agree would be best, you need to talk to your family. I appreciate no one is offering to help, but taking it all on yourself and then feeling resentful and exhausted later is not a solution for you. Some people genuinely think staff who work nightshift get to sleep - is it that simple of a misunderstanding?

subee, MSN, CRNA · Nov 30, 2019

You might as well learn how to be assertive now before you go through your whole career being put upon. It's such an important survival skill. Be kind but firm. Being a doormat will lead to unhappiness.