Nights Shifts and your Marriage

NOADLS · Jul 31, 2015

My good friend's (dentist) wife is a night shift nurse. He tells me that his marriage has been great because when he's bored and the wife is at work, he can bring in escorts.

Adele_Michal7, ASN, RN · Jul 31, 2015

My good friend's (dentist) wife is a night shift nurse. He tells me that his marriage has been great because when he's bored and the wife is at work, he can bring in escorts.

Dentists are so creepy. Lol

Here.I.Stand, BSN, RN · Jul 31, 2015

You get creative.

GhosttRN · Jul 31, 2015

I've worked NS for about 60% of my career and it is tough for my wife and I being on different timelines. You spend more time together consistently though. You get to see each other every day, I got to eat dinner with my family before leaving for work and I get breakfast with them when I get off. (working mainly 19-0700). But I'm always sleeping during the day. Some people can switch back and forth pretty easy, I cannot and must stay either on days or nights.

When I'm working days however, I get less consistent time with my family. I'm gone before she wakes and I'm home after the kids are in bed. Although with my days off I get to spend it with them without depriving myself of sleep.

All in all, not sleeping together is the worse part. Especially on your nights off when you don't want to mess with your rhythm. I prefer DS.

poppycat, ADN, BSN · Jul 31, 2015

I've worked nights forever (maybe longer!) & my husband works day shift Monday-Friday. He leaves for work about 5 minutes after I get home in the morning. I sleep while he's at work & then we have our evenings together before I have to go back. I think, if anything, our marriage is stronger because we've learned we have to make the most of the time we do have to spend with each other. We're both restless sleepers so it works better for us that we don't sleep together too much. Even on my nights off, I frequently end up spending at least part of the night in our spare bedroom because I'm usually awake a good portion of the night.

Working opposite shifts doesn't have to be detrimental to a marriage if you work at it. It just takes planning & lots of communication.

GhosttRN · Jul 31, 2015

+1 planning and commo

macfar28 · Jul 31, 2015

I find it tremendously hard but for now, it's what's best for our family. I'm gone 3 nights a week and it's honestly not the nights away that are hard but rather my days off. I feel like such a slug and have such a hard time switching back to the day routine. He essentially single parents all weekend (I work every Sat/Sun nights) and I know that gets tough. But he is a teacher and coach and my schedule allows him to hold practices during the week and Saturday mornings.

Give it a try and see how it goes. A great benefit to healthcare is the flexibility and opportunity for change. Good luck!

meanmaryjean, DNP, RN · Jul 31, 2015

I have always worked an opposite shift of the hubs. Good thing too- he snores. A sleep much better alone.

We've been married 40 years next week and have four kids.

RainMom · Jul 31, 2015

It actually worked really well once we got used to a routine & I'd say we got closer because we missed each other when I was gone.

I've recently switched depts & shifts; I'd say we irritate each other more now than we had in yrs. Mostly because now I'm not usually home when he comes home from work & he somehow feels like I work more than I did before. Actually I work fewer scheduled hrs, but before, he was sleeping so he never noticed. We butt heads a lot over that now, cause I try to pick up prn hrs in my old unit & then he complains that I live at work.

Horseshoe, BSN, RN · Jul 31, 2015

Statement from husband that he's never lived down:

Me: Sleeping soundly at 12:30 pm after trudging in the door at 8:00 am, barely conscious.

He: Taking care of two toddlers on a Saturday (babysitter during the week).

Me: "zzzzzzzzzzz..."

He: Knocks on the bedroom door frame. "Hey! Are you going to sleep all damn day?"

Me: "Are you ^&%$-ing kidding me?!?!?!?!?"

That was NOT one of our better days. I hated night shift for my own reasons, but had I wanted to stay on it, we would have had some work to do. Most nurses I knew coped pretty well with it and their marriages were fine. You just have to be patient, communicate well, and as someone above said, be "creative."

xoemmylouox, ASN, RN · Jul 31, 2015

Your loved one just has to understand you will need sleep during the day. When I did night shift I had a hard time sleeping during the day. I worked 3-4 12hr shifts a week and averaged 4 hrs of sleep in between. It worked out well as my husband could drop me off and pick me up. We would get breakfast some days on the drive home. Otherwise I would make something quick and go to bed. We got some quality time before I fell asleep and after I woke up. As others have said you get creative.