This is really just a vent session, because I know almost everyone here will know exactly what I mean when I say that I'm more than just a little tired.
This morning I got home around 0800 from my 3rd 12.5-13 hour shift in a row. Then I woke up at 2 in an attempt to go out and be an interesting person. My boyfriend wants us to clean the house, go to 3 different places to get errands done, then go shopping for fun. Lately he's been getting upset that I'm indecisive about what I even feel like doing. Honestly, I don't feel like doing anything other than reading or watching Netflix or sleeping. He has never worked night shift before. Today I said "babe, I literally got home from work this morning--I worked this entire morning. What would you do if you had just worked this entire morning?"
To which he replied "well that wouldn't bother me at all!"
*eye roll*
Oh well. I'll just pout in my booth while I munch on the peanuts at the restaurant I didn't realize we were even going to (because I fell asleep in the car and woke up here). Ha.
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
This is really just a vent session, because I know almost everyone here will know exactly what I mean when I say that I'm more than just a little tired.
This morning I got home around 0800 from my 3rd 12.5-13 hour shift in a row. Then I woke up at 2 in an attempt to go out and be an interesting person. My boyfriend wants us to clean the house, go to 3 different places to get errands done, then go shopping for fun. Lately he's been getting upset that I'm indecisive about what I even feel like doing. Honestly, I don't feel like doing anything other than reading or watching Netflix or sleeping. He has never worked night shift before. Today I said "babe, I literally got home from work this morning--I worked this entire morning. What would you do if you had just worked this entire morning?"
To which he replied "well that wouldn't bother me at all!"
*eye roll*
Oh well. I'll just pout in my booth while I munch on the peanuts at the restaurant I didn't realize we were even going to (because I fell asleep in the car and woke up here). Ha.
----
I've worked night shift for a lot of years, and I've had the same issues with various friends, relatives and SOs. When I was a few years (OK, quite a few years) younger, I could get up at 2pm and go out and run errands and be moderately interesting. But in my 50s, I could no longer do so. It was get up at 4pm, vegetate on the sofa until 10pm, and then be wide awake just as my husband was going to bed. Oh well -- you can do laundry at night while binge-watching "House of Cards" on Netflix while the rest of the household sleeps.
I once hung up the phone on my father when he called to chat around noon, and I was too sleepy to recognize his voice. He said "I've changed your diapers," and I thought he was a pervert and hung up. When I woke up, I figured out it must have been him and I called him back at midnight. He got the message.
It took three days of me waking my ex-husband up at 2am to "help me find my shoes" before he got the message that waking me at 2pm to help him find HIS shoes was not very considerate. He should have understood -- he was a nurse. My insurance agent routinely called in the middle of the day to discuss my "continuing insurance needs" and foolishly left me his home phone number in addition to his business phone and advised me to "call at your convenience". Guess who got the message after I called him at a time convenient to me to discuss those continuing insurance needs. Answering machines helped when they were invented (bet most of you don't remember a time before answering machines!), and now I can just set my iPhone to "Do not disturb." But that doesn't help with members of your own household who don't get it.
My personal suggestion is to wake him up to go "out to breakfast" at whatever time will be most inconvenient to him. 2am works. Be nice about it, but explain to him that it's the same thing as him expecting you to be ready to go at 2pm. Most people get it after two or three rounds of this. Anyone who doesn't isn't a keeper.
Ooooookkkkkkaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy and he just told me "you don't even really do that much on night shift."
Houston, we have a problem.
I would be concerned that his current behavior could be a harbinger of future behavior if the two of you decide to further your relationship.
How do things work out for you for holidays and weekends?
Your schedule may change in the future, esp if you have any intention of attending school. Children?Will he be accommodating?
Some guys think nurses are a 'real catch' for whatever their reason, so they latch on. And then later their 'true colors' come out. And so may more problems.
Be careful that your guy will 'get the picture', sooner than later.
Ooooookkkkkkaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy and he just told me "you don't even really do that much on night shift."
Houston, we have a problem.
Yep, they just don't "get it".
Sick people are sick at night too. In fact a really good reason to call in sick is 'I've been up all night with the flu, on the toilet, head hung over the toilet, my tooth ache, migraine, stomach cramps, volcanic emesis, etc.
Patients in a hospital don't just sleep all night and let you eat your bon bons and catch up on social media accounts.
She literally lists hour by hour everything a med surg nurse might do on night shift. By the end of the 10 minutes he should get it!
Or write a list of everything you did, EVERYTHING, check on a patients 12x by 4, write it down. Give him the list and make him read it out loud. Hahaha.
To add working on the night shift as a care partner was rough. That's when a lot of weird things happened! Little cute old lady with Sundowner's pulling out her PICC line. The confused patient in mitts has spent all day attempting to figure out how to remove his NG tube and IV. Yep well by night shift he's mastered his plan and executed it.
Oh and lets not forget the lack of resources you have during night shift!
Purple_roses, honey, I think its time for marriage counseling. I only had to wake up my family once for them to get the message. Your guy has no empathy. My guy didn't either, but the thought of me waking him up at 3 am consistently made him call a truce.
Purple_roses, honey, I think its time for marriage counseling. I only had to wake up my family once for them to get the message. Your guy has no empathy. My guy didn't either, but the thought of me waking him up at 3 am consistently made him call a truce.
Oh I don't know, the pizza apology and bloodshot eyes at 0250 seem to have gotten through :)
When I worked nights, my husband arranged the land-line phone so that I could only barely hear it ring during the day. He hung a light-blocking curtain in the doorway of the bedroom, so I could leave the door open a little for our cats to come in and purr me to sleep. He also used cardboard to block out the light from the windows.
He took the clothes that he wore the most and put them in the spare bedroom closet, so he wouldn't bother me if he wanted to change clothes. And - in the winter - he stayed up and cleaned off the car! Often!
I just worked 4 night shifts in a row and I still want to just lay around and do nothing, even the day after, lol. I'd make him stay up all day and then all night like a 12 hour shift and see how he feels when he wakes up!
Purple_roses
1,763 Posts
Well well well. Guess whose bloodshot eyes looked a little pissed off at the idea of IHOP at 0250. I guess he gets tired too. Who would have thought?!