New nurse having a hard time with coworkers

[Me93RN]

So I need some advice. I am new to my job...I've been off orientation for about 3 months. I'm an outgoing person and I've never had any issues getting along with others. Well I find that many of the other nurses at work have so much attitude and it seems like they are always judging or criticising me. I am not one to just let them step all over me and I opened my mouth a few times and say things like "why do you give me attitude" or "what do you have against me that you talk to me that way." The responses which I got were horrible and usually denial, which leaves me feeling bad abt what I said and wanting to apologize. I've never had to deal with issues like this and I need advice.

[Jhowell002]

And while you are at it you WILL learn, if not about the process, about the person. A nurse willing to take time to show you something is caring, one that complains but has no intention of helping you should be avoided or at least very carefully approached.

[FolksBtrippin, BSN, RN]

Actually it IS true. If you have trouble getting along with the majority of people you meet, you're the jerk. If everyone you meet "bullies" you, then you're a professional victim. Either way, self reflection and changing yourself is the only way to grow, and growth is the only way to turn this around.

OP states that she has never had this problem before, so she's not saying that everyone she meets is a jerk, just the people on this unit.

And if you think that it never happens that the majority all gang up on one vulnerable person, well a very brief study of history will show you that this not only happens sometimes, but very, very frequently.

Ever heard of the holocaust?

How about the Salem witch trials?

How about ethnic cleansing in Bosnia?

Apartheid in South Africa.

How about gang rapes? Hazing deaths. I could go on and on and on.

If all those things could happen, some of them thousands of times, how likely/unlikely is it that on some nursing floors, all of the nurses treat the new nurse like ****?

Think about it. It's human nature. The existence of a few professional victims does not disprove the extremely common practice of bullying.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

OP states that she has never had this problem before, so she's not saying that everyone she meets is a jerk, just the people on this unit.

And if you think that it never happens that the majority all gang up on one vulnerable person, well a very brief study of history will show you that this not only happens sometimes, but very, very frequently.

Ever heard of the holocaust?

How about the Salem witch trials?

How about ethnic cleansing in Bosnia?

Apartheid in South Africa.

How about gang rapes? Hazing deaths. I could go on and on and on.

If all those things could happen, some of them thousands of times, how likely/unlikely is it that on some nursing floors, all of the nurses treat the new nurse like ****?

Think about it. It's human nature. The existence of a few professional victims does not disprove the extremely common practice of bullying.

Oh good lord! You're equating poor workplace relationships with the Salem witch trials, the Holocaust, ethnic cleansing, apartheid and gang rapes?! This thread has officially "jumped the shark."

[Workitinurfava, BSN, RN]

I have found that it takes understanding more so your side as you are new, have to be trained/oriented often by people who are being made to do so without extra money etc., and in a stressful environment. Many times the bad behavior they exhibit is directly related to the things I just addressed. Outside of work, you could get along great with these people. Try to find areas in which you have things in common and build on that until you get to know more things about them. Pick and choose your battles with them wisely, because at the end of the day, right now you need them more than they need you. It is what it is. After you get things down you will be able to depend on them less and most likely have less battles.

[GadgetRN71, ASN, RN]

This is not always true. In situations of bullying, it's cultural to pick on a vulnerable person.

Yes, particularly when the atmosphere is all women. After 20 years in healthcare, I've realized we women are our own worst enemies and we treat each other like crap- generally speaking. I've seen female coworkers run around with a Facebook photo of a fellow nurse, saying she dresses like a tramp. This coworker is quiet, smart, does her job. I've seen equipment sabotaged, people bad mouthed to doctors, and one woman had her lunch thrown in the trash because she was "fat". I do speak up when I see this stuff, and gotten a target on my own back because of it sometimes.

Nurse to nurse bullying does exist. In the OPs case, she may be mistaking criticism for bullying. But, maybe not. We need some specific examples of what was done and said to make that determination.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

I have found that it takes understanding more so your side as you are new, have to be trained/oriented often by people who are being made to do so without extra money etc., and in a stressful environment. Many times the bad behavior they exhibit is directly related to the things I just addressed. Outside of work, you could get along great with these people. Try to find areas in which you have things in common and build on that until you get to know more things about them. Pick and choose your battles with them wisely, because at the end of the day, right now you need them more than they need you. It is what it is. After you get things down you will be able to depend on them less and most likely have less battles.

Interesting perspective. I never thought of it completely like that, but it is true. The orientee needs the senior staff more than they need her.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

Yes, particularly when the atmosphere is all women. After 20 years in healthcare, I've realized we women are our own worst enemies and we treat each other like crap- generally speaking. I've seen female coworkers run around with a Facebook photo of a fellow nurse, saying she dresses like a tramp. This coworker is quiet, smart, does her job. I've seen equipment sabotaged, people bad mouthed to doctors, and one woman had her lunch thrown in the trash because she was "fat". I do speak up when I see this stuff, and gotten a target on my own back because of it sometimes.

Nurse to nurse bullying does exist. In the OPs case, she may be mistaking criticism for bullying. But, maybe not. We need some specific examples of what was done and said to make that determination.

Nurse-to-nurse bullying does exist. Nurses are people, and some people bully. It's not as common as you might think, and despite your obvious misogyny, it has nothing to do with gender. Men can be just as awful as women can, and often are.

[andreasmom02]

I've hated nursing since I became an LPN in '08. Wish I'd never went in to the field. It's a stressful atmosphere of who has the highest nursing credentials (LPN, RN, BSN, MSN, etc.), & can suck up to the boss the most. It's a "catty", backstabbing atmosphere as well. I have recently been substituting at my child's school & I love it. I love it so much, I am considering becoming a teacher. I recently got my medical coding certificate to help obtain a desk job, but I just want to leave the medical field altogether!

[Sensibility, BSN, RN]

I came on this board 6 years ago because I was struggling with my charge nurse. I felt strongly that she was targeting me often under the radar. She wrote me up for things that had nothing to do with a realistic synopsis of my performance. The things she said left me confused because I did not feel that I could stand up to her. She, after all, was the person given authority and I was new. Nobody knew me personally and for me, I had nobody to turn to.

So this is what I did. I laid low. I took a great deal of abuse. The only time I attempted to get help was the times where I felt that my license was in jeopardy or patient safety was a problem. The nonsense kind of stuff, I just blew off even though some of it was hurtful. On my own, I kept a written record of these incidents. If nothing else, it was therapeutic. I also obtained my BSN and in the course of receiving my BSN, I ran across a sub-chapter entitled Lateral Violence. I was intrigued and I looked this up in CINHAL. More than 20 peer reviewed EBP articles popped up on the screen. I read these voraciously and could not believe that Magnet and JCAHO had taken note of this problem.

Over time, I finally had my day and was brought before the director. I had printed out at least ten of these articles and had highlighted key points that I believed would demonstrate my credibility in the situation. I further pointed out what I had been doing. It worked. They cannot argue with evidence that clearly shows that this is a problem.

See old school nurses like Ruby Vee believe that new nurses need a sort of initiation into nursing by being curt to them. Their thinking is that the tough will survive. That is one problem. But then there is the other of just flat out incivility that occurs toward new nurses from the senior nurses on the floor. New nurses can be older in age as I was, by the way. New does not mean young. The reason these accreditation organizations are taking note of this problem is because of the huge expense it is to hospitals. It costs a great deal of money for them to train a new nurse only to have them quit.

So what we did in our unit after that was to begin having a teaching attitude toward our new nurses. We have all been there. I regained my seniority. We began coming along side them and helping them make that transition. We calmly taught them when we saw that they might be getting ready to make a mistake. We explained our rationale for why we do what we do. Sometimes people don't understand those things and what? We are going to wait until they figure it out? That is a patient that could be hurt by our pride. We gave them a total green light to ask questions. We wanted them to ask questions because the patient's safety is the most important thing for us. We have seen success in raising up new nurses. We don't have these issues in our unit because we as senior nurses took it upon ourselves to be there for them giving them a smooth transition. Many of them now have their master's degree or are studying for it and are still doing bedside nursing. That is success. I hope this helps.

[GSDlvrRN, MSN]

I work with an LVN that is TOXIS AS F***. Sometimes it is just her and I in the facility and it is difficult at times to be around her. I have stood up to her a few times because she told me that I didn't need to order certain medications (I had a patient sating 94% with crackles in both lungs and had taken his inhaler an hour ago so doctor ordered a neb, prednisone, and new inhaler. She said I didn't need to do all that, I was doing too much, he doesn't need it, and she thinks it is ridiculous and he is faking it because I am pretty and he just wants to come to the exam room for a nebulizer or he is just trying to get "high" off the inhaler. I put the orders in the computer and she saw them during med pass the next day and she complained that the patient didn't need it. I told her she could call the provider to question his orders . I always just give her the facts such as his vitals and I tell her that is what the doctor ordered and it is medically necessary. Very short! I also said one time that I take responsibility for it because I assessed him and I am the charge nurse (in charge of the situation and decision making). She makes snarky comments like "Well I'm glad you're treating him."

She doesn't rattle me anymore and she HATES that so she finds other people to pick on. Gosh I used to let her drain the life out of me, coworkers like this are very draining! Sometimes I don't even discuss the situation with her, I don't ask for input because she is not helpful when she acts like that, and I detach myself from her. She often refuses to give patients certain medications.(like some psych meds she thinks they want to get high off. She also refused to give a patient their stool softener because she said the patient was trying to use it to lose weight. Even though I had the stool softener ordered along with a narcotic that was causing constipation) She documents that the patient refused and the reason for refusal is "No signs of distress." She is poison.

I have had times when I felt like I needed to tell management because the problem she created was out of my hands. I documented it in professional format and turned it in to my manager. Before that I called my manager and told her about a situation with the LVN that I felt the need to call her about and she asked for a statement in writing. I continue to document incidents in a notebook I bring to work and I type it up at home when I have time and leave it as a love note for my manager the next day :). I am not sure what my manager does with my love letters but it is empowering.

[Wuzzie]

See old school nurses like Ruby Vee believe that new nurses need a sort of initiation into nursing by being curt to them. Their thinking is that the tough will survive. That is one problem. But then there is the other of just flat out incivility that occurs toward new nurses from the senior nurses on the floor.

Calling out a poster is not only agains the TOS of this site but falls into the definition of lateral violence. You did not need to use her name but you did. You made an accusation against her that really isn't true and in doing so attempted to smear her reputation among readers here. Pot meet kettle.

And for the record, incivility in the workplace/lateral violence has been perpetrated by nurses of all ages and experience levels against other nurses of all ages and experience levels. It is not now nor has it ever been limited to only senior nurses. As a senior nurse I have never subscribed to the idea of making anybody pay their dues.