New grads who are being bullied by experienced nurses

CalNevaMimi, LPN, LVN · May 27, 2012

I just quit a job after a month because if nastiness from other nurses. I've been a nurse over two years, but this was my first job in a sub-acute. At age 42, I've had plenty of jobs and have NEVER experienced anything like this place. The training was terrible -- mostly the nurses would just go ahead and do things instead of training me properly. How many times did I hear, "You should know this by now! You're late! You're too slow! The other nurses are going to talk about you!" Ridiculous. I can care less what excuse anyone could come up with to rationalize this atmosphere. On what was supposed to be my last night of training, the BOSS said in front of everyone, "Let's see if she finally gets it or if she's going to crash and burn." I quit the next day. And I didn't crash and burn. Not all Nursing Jobs are like this. I've had such fantastic luck up until now, including working with level 4 prisoners, who were more respectful than these nurses! I deserve better and so does the next person. Thank you for sharing. In a strange way, my feelings were validated!

OnlybyHisgraceRN, ASN, RN · May 27, 2012

My preceptor tells me I'm too slow at times. I generally ignore her. I recognize that I can be more fast at certain things but the truth is it will take time. I made a mistake of rushing one time and ended up making an error that took more time to fix. I'm new to CVICU I'm not going to let anyone rush me. The moment I rush, I'll make an error.I will become more quick and efficient with time. Overall, I'm picking up things very quickly. Just take one day at a time.

Ruby Vee, BSN · May 27, 2012

how do you deal with it? i feel like since i'm a new grad, i'm supposed to be nice to everyone! i hate being the new kid on the block =( i feel like i am not on their level yet, and i know that i'm not, but do they have to make me feel so stupid and inadequate all the time? they always make sarcastic comments and they really do bring me down. saying things like, "you're too slow." or things like, "are you gonna give that med or what? or you want me to do it?" i have met some amazing nurses but i just don't know what to do with these experienced nurses who are always on my back! =(

everyone is "new kid on the block" sometime. no one can "make" you feel stupid and inadequate -- you do that all by yourself. allow for the idea that these experienced nurses are trying to help you get up to speed . . . some of us really do want to help, but not everyone helps in the same way. and not everyone helps the way you want them to.

Ruby Vee, BSN · May 27, 2012

tell them to get off your back, remind them that they were once new. you are doing the best you can. you are a nurse now, not a student and not a doormat. the only ones that you have to please are the patients and head...i'm sorry your unit manager. you can't be sweet dolly dimple to some people some time you have to be as shakespeare put it,"...aite hot from hell.."

this is particularly bad advice unless, of course, you want the new nurse to fail. believe it or not, most experienced nurses remember that they were once new and "reminding" them in this fashion is seen as disrespectful.

new nurses have to please preceptors, charge nurses and other experienced nurses as well as their unit manager. management being what it is, managers often don't get out onto the floor to see for themselves how the new nurse is doing. they rely on reports from other experienced nurses.

this sort of aggressiveness is rarely taken well.

IEDave, ASN, CNA, LVN · May 27, 2012

OH yeah! As a relatively new CNA, I've run into this one a few (smirk) times...

Interesting thing was, one of the nurses decided to open up on me re: not getting VS fast enough in front of the lead CNA, who was monitoring my performance. There was never an open confrontation between the nurse and the lead CNA, but for the past 2 weeks I've been "adopted" by the "crusty old bat society" (e.g. the older, more experienced nurses on the staff) and the younger nurses have been giving me a wide berth. Really rather touching, IMHO.

Part of it is that being TOO nice in a new environment is going to be a problem - try to remember that you're there to be a professional, not to be everyone's best friend. In some cases, you're going to have to stand your ground & be firm with your co-workers; not necessarily confrontational, but direct and to the point. And, yeah, you're going to get a reputation - far better that it be a reputation as a no-nonsense, "git 'er done" pro than a self-propelled punching bag, who's perpetually running & getting nowhere.

So - my advice; as mentioned above, try to separate the emotional component from what was said. Take the comments at face value, and if the advice is sound, use it to better your performance otherwise, discard it. Above all - do your best to leave the petty BS & drama behind you when you leave at the end of the shift; guaranteed, you'll have plenty of nice, fresh drama when you come back the next day! And, really - who wants stale drama?

----- Dave

obprof · May 28, 2012

As a former nursing instructor and as a nurse who has 24 yrs of experience, I have some strong feelings about this. I recently took a new position for me in the NICU and was treated very badly from one of my preceptors. It is completely NOT appropriate to be talked to in a sarcastic or aggressive manner and it's not an issue of "just don't take it to heart". That is exactly the type of attitude taken with people experiencing verbal abuse and what they are told. The attitude being, "You're just being overly sensitive". It's called "lateral violence" and it's just not appropriate. HOWEVER, after having said that, try to see if the content of the message is correct and/or how it is being communicated. Perhaps you are being too slow to be able to function on the unit and you should work on time-management skills? Ask for advice on how you may be able to do that. If it is being said to you in an inappropriate manner, address that with the preceptor. For example, you can say,"So you are saying I am slow. I am interested in improving my time-management skills, can you give me some suggestions on helping that without being so sarcastic about it?" Or something along those lines. I had to do this with my preceptor and she really did improve. She gave me advice without being so mean about it. I think part of it may be lack of patience in the preceptor. The other issue I have seen is that some nurses just aren't good educators/preceptors. Often they are only chosen because they have a lot of experience, NOT because they are good teachers. If it is really bad and she doesn't change after you have addressed it with her, I would recommend discussing this with your nurse manager or clinical nurse specialist and see if you can have a different preceptor. Once I got off orientation, my situation improved immensely and I was glad I stuck out the four month orientation. I was so close to quitting and going back to teaching college, but really wanted to be a NICU nurse and am glad I am! Hope this helps you in your situation!

Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN · May 28, 2012

My preceptor tells me I'm too slow at times. I generally ignore her. I recognize that I can be more fast at certain things but the truth is it will take time. I made a mistake of rushing one time and ended up making an error that took more time to fix. I'm new to CVICU I'm not going to let anyone rush me. The moment I rush, I'll make an error.I will become more quick and efficient with time. Overall, I'm picking up things very quickly. Just take one day at a time.

I will add you are taking on a challenging change from LTC to open heart critical care.....and doing a fine job!!

OP...no one can make you feel inferior without your permission...Eleanor Roosevelt, and princess diaries.

This too shall pass.

hella_RN · May 28, 2012

as a new grad, I feel like I have to do everything for my patient because I want to be the main person there, but yea I do ask for help I just now know who I can ask and who I can't because I feel like they're going to judge me. I know that they want me to work faster but as a new grad, it's tough sometimes. I just wished they could be more constructive instead of yelling across the nurse's station and asking in front of EVERYONE if I ever have plans of medicating my patients at all or not, in a condescending tone, when I JUST got the orders :uhoh21:

Sadly this issue has occurred multiple times, not just once. If it's constantly happening to me, then I can't help but to feel helpless sometimes. I just don't know how to respond to it, I feel like I have to bite my tongue all the time, even if they are openly laughing, humiliating, and mocking me in front of my patients and my colleagues. These issues make me cry at night when I get off work. I feel like if others doubt if I can make it in nursing, I start to question myself, and I hate that feeling because I know I have what it takes to make it. It makes me confused too because other nurses tell me that they are so proud of me and that I am a really good nurse, while others never see any nice things to say about my work but only say negative things about me. I don't know if this is just a phase, or is this really what nursing is about. Or is it because I am a new grad that's why I feel like all eyes are on me? Because I see other nurses who are training but since they are experienced, nobody seems to care how they are progressing or not. Will it get better? Because I sure hope it does. Thanks for the kind words and advice everyone.

Isitpossible, LPN, LVN · May 28, 2012

yelling across the nurse's station and asking in front of EVERYONE if I ever have plans of medicating my patients at all or not, in a condescending tone, when I JUST got the orders :uhoh21: \

thats not helping anyone, thats very disrespectful and rude ... just b/c your a new grad doesnt give ANYONE the right to speak to you in that manner... next time someone decides to "yell" across through the room, i would walk directly up to them in front of their face in front of everyone and state matter of factly, "yes i do plan on giving on the medication however I just received the order, and please dont yell across a room if you have to ask me a question."

dont tolerate that type of disrespect from anyone...

honeykrown, MSN, NP · May 28, 2012

I was just thinking about this today and i wanted to put a post up.

We have a new (just graduated and licensed) nurse on our unit, she's still orienting through the hospital and has just had 2days on the floor. She already had run-ins with the staff on the floor. Lecturing them on how you could lose your license and also going behind them to report to the manager. Already everyone else on the floor knows about her and the concensus is not to help her and avoid her at all cost.

To my thought today: I thought to myself, if this lady starts on the floor (As we are losing our designated preceptor), no one would answer her questions and she would think everyone is out to get her (which she would term to bullying). But then she does not realize that she had created that environment for herself. The last nurse she had issues with is a very good nurse and preceptor and she's refusing to precept this lady any longer.

I just imagined this lady would come on "Allnurses" and state how everyone does not like her and want her to fail. And dont answer her questions whereas she would not think back to the two days she spent on the floor shadowing the best CNA we had and telling him how he's doing everything wrong and running to the manager about what not.

I have no issues with nurses who feel they know it all, my issue is "tell the person before going to the higher-up's"

What I am trying to say is, before you think bullying, check what you have done worng and meet these people and ask them what you can do better (Or what it is you are doing wrong). Your coworkers are your best resources to everything. Dont throw them under the bus cos thats when the claws comes out.

As to the OP, I believe talking to your coworkers is the best way to gett o know how you can better yourself because they are the ones seeing what's wrong. Also explain yourself to them (Aint nothing wrong in that). and always know there is no one in the human race you can satisfy completely (there would always be that one person who is never satisfied).

PetsToPeople · May 28, 2012

(I understand this is a little off the original topic, but everytime I see a post about bullying I wonder about this)

I'm curious and I am wondering if their are any NP's on here who could answer this question...do NP's have issues with bullies as well, or would it be considering more of an issue that floor nurses have to deal with? I am sure the NP's have the physicians ego to balance, but what about dealing with other nurses, such as RN's , etc.?

SunSurfRN · May 28, 2012

I know a nurse who is salty and bullies people...in my facility even the experienced nurses dislike her.

If you bully someone when they are new and they stay a long time it can come back to haunt the bully.