New grads who are being bullied by experienced nurses

wooh, BSN, RN · May 28, 2012

We can all write treatises about bullies and lateral violence until the cows come home, but the fact of the matter is, in this situation, OP can only change themselves. The Gods of Nursing will not shine a light upon OP's unit and change it into the perfect oasis of nursing tranquility.

OP, you're new. You're going to be slow. Look at the various advice already given for organizing yourself which will slowly speed you up. And if someone says, "Do I need to give this myself?" smile and say "That would be great! Thanks!" Is the person probably being a rude smart aleck? Likely yes. But doesn't mean YOU have to respond to it that way. They "offer" to help, take it. If they don't want to help, then they'll learn to stop "offering." If they do want to help, even better, as everyone can use the teamwork.

SoundofMusic · May 28, 2012

Well, on one hand, older experienced nurses see a young new nurse on this "turf" that they've managed to conquer and they are subconsciously threatened, I believe. I don't know what else causes nurses to treat the new nurses this way.

There are some things you can do. You can ignore these nurses, which is likely the best route. I'd find the ONE good nurse that teaches and is civil, and just BRAG about her wherever you go and BEG to be put with her. This will reward the good behavior and subtly make asses out of the meaner ones.

You can also just smile and laugh at yourself when you make errors. Make a joke, etc. Be self depracating, although, do it without allowing someone to totally mistreat you -- that I would put my foot down about.

Or, you can just do your best to remain totally calm and behave as if NOTHING gets to you. Once they see this, they will lay off.

But I'll tell you this: in time, you WILL learn and gain speed. You will also become a competent nurse. You will learn who is a jerk on the unit, and you will eventualy gravitate and make friends with the good people. The mean old hags will be left out and remain where they are -- in a place where no other co-worker ever really invites them to parties, or out for a drink, or, later to weddings, kids' birthday parties, etc. Over time, these things get sorted out. And you do survive for the better. Just keep on being you. Keep on being a good and nice person, a good and decent nurse who is good to your co-workers, and your patients, even the docs. You WILL be rewarded for this. It will come back to you.

And believe me, the meanies get it back. It's called Karma. I've seen some of those meanies suddenly crash and burn in a fantasmagorical burst of flames ...and it was beautifully gratifying to see. I just stood and watched in wonder when it did. So, so many of them just also lead very miserably personal lives -- and that is also part of the problem.

sauconyrunner · May 28, 2012

Take Heart. It will get better.

You will get faster, and the nurses will find something else to talk about. It is not just new grads either. I was new to a facility with my 9 years experience at some of the busiest Emergency Depts in the country...and being precepted by someone who had not worked elsewhere. She spent the whole day on my charting computer trying to resolve a bounced check (Did not impress me one bit). Towards the end of the day, I was trying to catch up on charting...She asked me "why are you so slow?" I replied, "It was a bit difficult to do my charting as I went along because you needed the computer for your personal business." Problem solved. But I also was not at all intimidated by her, as she was not a good nurse, and remains not a good nurse (Mostly she is focused on her home life at work to this day.)

It is harder when you are new to nursing because you don't have the experience to look around and realize who is simply blowing smoke up your rear and who is actually having a legit statement about speeding up or what not.

Next time someone picks at you for slowness... Speak up and say, "YES, I am slower than you are. I am NEW and I want to be sure to avoid errors" You can help me speed up by going and getting Mrs. Y off the bedpan. That should do it. Hopefully Mrs Y is a lady who is having huge amounts of C diff diarrhea.

I don't like mean people.

Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN · May 28, 2012

(I understand this is a little off the original topic, but every time I see a post about bullying I wonder about this)
I'm curious and I am wondering if their are any MP's on here who could answer this question...do MP's have issues with bullies as well, or would it be considering more of an issue that floor nurses have to deal with? I am sure the MP's have the physicians ego to balance, but what about dealing with other nurses, such as RN's , etc.?

I think everyone gets picked on by someone along the way. Some nurses don't think MP's belong doing the things they do. Some Nurses don' think they should be taking orders from another nurse or a PA. There are MD's that don't like the NP's at all and are very threatened by their advanced practice, while others embrace them as equals in their practice.

It all about evolution and marking one's territory when threatened or to keep the "others territoryout of the "marked" area. :smokin:

CalNevaMimi, LPN, LVN · May 28, 2012

Yes, your nursing career will get better -- because YOU are better than that! It makes me so angry that women do this to other women. It's time to stop making excuses for this rotten behavior. Unacceptable! :banghead:

brandy1017, ASN, RN · May 28, 2012

Could you be too slow? It takes time to get used to the swing of things and work quickly. Nursing is not for the slow, you need to be fast to get everything down in time so your not spending hours after charting. Also why did they make the comment are you going to give this, were you questioning if you should, because sometimes there are judgement calls should I hold the med because the BP's low for instance. Are you going to give it or are you leaving it for me to do as the oncoming nurse? That is important to know. I for one find it irritating to follow a nurse who doesn't bother to tell me they didn't do an assessment or didn't give meds and just left them for me to do once I figured it out.

Ruby Vee, BSN · May 28, 2012

i find it interesting that so many (including the op) assume that the op is being bullied rather than simply being slow, needing help with critical thinking ("are you going to give that med?") or prioritization ("or do you want me to give it?") or otherwise needing help to grow as a nurse. believe me, no experienced nurse expects you to spring from the womb being competent, but it seems as though so many new grads expect that of themselves and any attempt to help them grow in their practice is seen as bullying.

OnlybyHisgraceRN, ASN, RN · May 28, 2012

i find it interesting that so many (including the op) assume that the op is being bullied rather than simply being slow, needing help with critical thinking ("are you going to give that med?") or prioritization ("or do you want me to give it?") or otherwise needing help to grow as a nurse. believe me, no experienced nurse expects you to spring from the womb being competent, but it seems as though so many new grads expect that of themselves and any attempt to help them grow in their practice is seen as bullying.

i respectfully disagree with the underlined part, ruby. it is not what you say but how you say it. many new grads do have a problem with being receptive to constructive criticism, i have seen it when i used to precept at a previous job.

however, not every preceptor have the ability to be patient and respectful while pushing the preceptee to their greatest potential. most new grads don't have a problem with preceptors helping them grow, however it is the way they go about it.

ruby for one minute, assume that this nurse is indeed bullying her. what advice would you give then?

Ruby Vee, BSN · May 28, 2012

i respectfully disagree ruby. it is not what you say but how you say it. many new grads do have a problem with being receptive to constructive criticism, i have seen it when i used to precept at a previous job.
however, not every preceptor have the ability to be patient and respectful while pushing the preceptee to their greatest potential. most new grads don't have a problem with preceptors helping them grow, however it is the way they go about it.

while i agree that *how* you say things as a preceptor matters, i disagree that that's the whole issue here. unfortunately, i've seen many orientees (not my orientees, thank the lord!) who cannot seem to take constructive criticism in any form. they react to any and all attempts to correct their practice as bullying.

dudette10, MSN, RN · May 28, 2012

How do you deal with it? I feel like since I'm a new grad, I'm supposed to be nice to everyone! I hate being the new kid on the block =( I feel like I am not on their level yet, and I know that I'm not, but do they have to make me feel so stupid and inadequate all the time? They always make sarcastic comments and they really do bring me down. Saying things like, "You're too slow." Or things like, "Are you gonna give that med or what? Or you want me to do it?" I have met some amazing nurses but I just don't know what to do with these experienced nurses who are always on my back! =(

These are observations about your practice, but I would like to know if the more experienced nurses have followed it up with actual education on how to correct it.

Most nurses where I work will make the observation then follow up with tips to improve. I lacked any confidence at all when I started, and I can see how those observations could make you feel inadequate. However, if the nurse doesn't follow up with improvement tips, you have to ask her. If she won't give them to you and continues to make just general observations, move on and note to not ask that particular nurse for help. She won't ever give it, maybe because she doesn't know how. Not everyone can teach. It is a skill, just like any other.

You can't shut down after the negative general observation. You have to keep moving forward, and you can't let it dash all confidence you might have gained in the interim. A thick skin doesn't just prevent you from feeling hurt; it also helps you to see beyond the words and to continue learning.

Good luck to you.

buytheshoes11, MSN, RN · May 28, 2012

One thing new nurses have to learn is to grow thicker skin and realize that constructive criticism is just that - constructive. I think it comes down to how the other nurse is saying something, but in my experience that nurse is just wanting to help out. OP, I am not discounting your experiences at all, as I have met some nasty nurses too...however these nurses I'm talking about are nasty to everyone!

Nurse Maru · May 28, 2012

everyone is "new kid on the block" sometime. no one can "make" you feel stupid and inadequate -- you do that all by yourself.

"you do that all by yourself?" really? spoken like a bully. certainly a justification of bullying behavior. lateral violence is a very real problem and it's attitudes just like this that contribute to the problem. while it's true that everyone must learn how to deal with an occasional negative outburst from colleagues and co-workers (those will happen, even to the best of us) persistently negative and demeaning behaviors should never be tolerated and have no justification. staff consistently engaging in these toxic behaviors will find themselves subject to corrective action on my floor.