New grads who are being bullied by experienced nurses

OnlybyHisgraceRN, ASN, RN · May 28, 2012

"You do that all by yourself?" Really? Spoken like a bully. Certainly a justification of bullying behavior. Lateral violence is a very real problem and it's attitudes just like this that contribute to the problem. While it's true that everyone must learn how to deal with an occasional negative outburst from colleagues and co-workers (those will happen, even to the best of us) persistently negative and demeaning behaviors should never be tolerated and have no justification. Staff consistently engaging in these toxic behaviors will find themselves subject to corrective action on my floor.

Wish there was a "love" button. :redbeathe

allnurses Guide · May 28, 2012

"You do that all by yourself?" Really? Spoken like a bully. Certainly a justification of bullying behavior. Lateral violence is a very real problem and it's attitudes just like this that contribute to the problem. While it's true that everyone must learn how to deal with an occasional negative outburst from colleagues and co-workers (those will happen, even to the best of us) persistently negative and demeaning behaviors should never be tolerated and have no justification. Staff consistently engaging in these toxic behaviors will find themselves subject to corrective action on my floor.

Why do you say that? I don't see how that's different from what lots of people have said, and some who have it as an inspirational signature line. It may be stated more bluntly, but it's not different from "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent". Only Ruby has substituted that with "stupid and inadequate".

It's absolutely not a carte blanche for nurses to mistreat each other, and the OP's clarification that the offer to give the late med was said loudly and sarcastically across the nurses station takes it out of the helpful category. To say "spoken like a bully" is just as unfair and name-calling.

Ruby Vee, BSN · May 29, 2012

"you do that all by yourself?" really? spoken like a bully. certainly a justification of bullying behavior. lateral violence is a very real problem and it's attitudes just like this that contribute to the problem. while it's true that everyone must learn how to deal with an occasional negative outburst from colleagues and co-workers (those will happen, even to the best of us) persistently negative and demeaning behaviors should never be tolerated and have no justification. staff consistently engaging in these toxic behaviors will find themselves subject to corrective action on my floor.

name calling is one of the behaviors associated with lateral violence and has no justification.

Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN · May 29, 2012

"You do that all by yourself?" Really? Spoken like a bully. Certainly a justification of bullying behavior. Lateral violence is a very real problem and it's attitudes just like this that contribute to the problem. While it's true that everyone must learn how to deal with an occasional negative outburst from colleagues and co-workers (those will happen, even to the best of us) persistently negative and demeaning behaviors should never be tolerated and have no justification. Staff consistently engaging in these toxic behaviors will find themselves subject to corrective action on my floor.

I believe Ruby meant that "you" (not you but the inclusive you all) make yourself feel bad and inadequate by "allowing others to treat you that way.

Not the gum snapping eye rolling....."you do that all by yourself?".

Ruby can correct me, but I believe she meant that "you" are in control (for the most part) of how people treat you.

Like my favourite quote...."No one can make you feel inferior without your permission." Elanor Roosevelt

OnlybyHisgraceRN, ASN, RN · May 30, 2012

I believe Ruby meant that "you" (not you but the inclusive you all) make yourself feel bad and inadequate by "allowing others to treat you that way.
Not the gum snapping eye rolling....."you do that all by yourself?".
Ruby can correct me, but I believe she meant that "you" are in control (for the most part) of how people treat you.
Like my favourite quote...."No one can make you feel inferior without your permission." Elanor Roosevelt

Ah, I see. Perfect example of how it is not what you say but how. Thanks for the clarification. I agree.

Merlyn · May 30, 2012

this is particularly bad advice unless, of course, you want the new nurse to fail. believe it or not, most experienced nurses remember that they were once new and "reminding" them in this fashion is seen as disrespectful.

new nurses have to please preceptors, charge nurses and other experienced nurses as well as their unit manager. management being what it is, managers often don't get out onto the floor to see for themselves how the new nurse is doing. they rely on reports from other experienced nurses.

this sort of aggressiveness is rarely taken well.

but they don't have to be doormat. there are more diplomatic was of saying " get off my back. she could ask the person what she did in the first few months that she was on a new floor that has made her so fast. maybe just maybe i will sink into the wise old nurses head. it's worth a shot.

PrincessRN101 · May 31, 2012

it starts rough, once they get to know you, and have made you suffer enough, then it will die down. but you cant care about the critics, you have to go in 10-15 mins early, get your assignment, know all the details to each patient (dressings, meds, vs) know and do everything you can remember, then ask a fairly new colleague what you dont know how to do. always ask questions if you are not competent in a skill (i.e PICC meds). dont worry once you've been there a year, things should get better. its all up to you, and your attitude and outlook.

PrincessRN101 · May 31, 2012

one thing new nurses have to learn is to grow thicker skin and realize that constructive criticism is just that - constructive. i think it comes down to how the other nurse is saying something, but in my experience that nurse is just wanting to help out. op, i am not discounting your experiences at all, as i have met some nasty nurses too...however these nurses i'm talking about are nasty to everyone!

not all comments said by these coworkers are constructive, some comments are to put you down, make you feel low, make you feel like quitting. making you feel [color=#1122cc]ostracized. hang in there new grad. people hate to see the young doing something with themself.

Ruby Vee, BSN · May 31, 2012

not all comments said by these coworkers are constructive, some comments are to put you down, make you feel low, make you feel like quitting. making you feel [color=#1122cc]ostracized. hang in there new grad. people hate to see the young doing something with themself.

after thirty-odd years of nursing, i can count on my fingers the number of co-workers who went out of their way to try to make me (or anyone else) feel low, like quitting or ostracized. most of the criticism/comments aimed at new grads were aimed at helping them to improve as nurses. some of those comments and criticisms came from a good preceptor on a good day, and some came from folks were probably ought not to have been preceptors on not-so-good days, or were made to an orientee who just wasn't getting it -- and some of those comments may have been less constructive than they should have been. but i'm sure you can see how telling someone the same thing over and over and over again gets frustrating after awhile.

you cannot control other folks; you can only control yourself. so if you've convinced yourself that people are trying to make you feel low, like quitting or ostracized, you're looking for problems where maybe they don't exist. if you look for problems, you'll find them whether they exist or not.

now, lest i've failed to be clear, let me ruin all this tactfulness by saying what i really mean: your attitude may be a problem.

TerpGal02, ASN · May 31, 2012

I am really lucky that I work with the two amazing teachers that I do. We are in community, so things can get hectic, buts its nothing like the hospital environment. My fellow nurses have lifted me up and really raised my confidence level.

Michealle10 · Aug 29, 2012

I understand where you are coming from. I am a first year nurse, but not new to the "professional world" This is a second career for me after a extensive stint in HR within corporate capacity. I know harrassment and bullying when I see it.

I pride myself on my professionalism and sincerity in caring for my patients. I love the patient contact part of my job. What I am having trouble with is the "co worker" part of the job. I was under the impression that nursing was a "TEAM" oriented profession, one where we would support one another and help our fellow nurses in times of need. What I am currently experiencing is far from picture that was painted for me on hire date!

Not only do I deal with a toxic work environment where you have actually "feel" the negative energy of the other nurses, my own preceptor is an active participant ranging from seclusion (she has "favorite pets"), negative criticism in front of co workers, and failure to stand up for the nurses under her charge (they will throw you under the bus in a heartbeat if they think it will make them look better and shine a negative light on you). A majority of the nurses on the unit spend their day gossiping about whomever is not there that day (or happens to be away from the front desk), playing games on their cellphones, dishing about their extracurricular activities, etc. Patient contact is a minimum. I have been deemed a "suck up" and "unorganized" because the majority of my day is spent at the bedside, with my patients, mostly in an attempt on my part to distance myself from the nurses station.

I am debating whether it is worth the effort to talk to upper management about the issue I am facing as my current preceptor is a long time employee, the mgmt is aware of the "cliques" of the unit and have even encouraged the new hires not to participate. There are days when I cry on the way home and seriously doubt my choice of professions. Then the "fighter" comes out in me and I get up the next day and do it all over again :) I have been guilty (twice) of losing my cool and snapping back after experiencing day long harassment. I know this is not good, I know I am above this, but I just lost my cool. On both occassions I was given a "talking to" from my preceptor because she didn't want her "other nurses" to get their feelings hurt - REALLY!

So my question is, do I tough it out and take the "initiation harrassment and the punches" as my preceptor has told me is all just part of starting out, or do I cut my losses and transfer to a unit where there are actually professional nurses who demonstrate a level of maturity I find acceptable.

YES, it is true in some parts of the US, "Nurses do eat their young!" and it is an illegal activity and has no place in any work environment.

sandyfeet · Aug 30, 2012

OP, I am also new. I had one main preceptor through most of my orientation who was tough as nails, really high standards, and always on my back about every little thing. I dreaded being with her because she could always find something I had missed charting and was always admonishing me to hurry up. I felt like I NEVER did anything right. She told me once "You're never going to make it if you don't learn to multi-task". I was crushed--clearly she was telling me I was never going to make it. Right? Wrong!

On her days off, I was placed with other preceptors. I was relieved because they were "easy" and weren't so nit-picky. But what ended up happening is that I learned less on those days and fell way behind on my patient care. My perception of my main preceptor completely changed. I started to realize that my main preceptor was the one who always had my back and was watching out for me. All of her pushing and picking were for my benefit, to make me the best RN I can be. At the same time, I grew more determined to meet her at her level.

On my last day of orientation with her, I was so happy when she would ask "Did you do this yet?" and I was able to say "YES".

I still have a lot of room for improvement and I am still learning. But I have to say that the preceptor I was sure was sent to me from hell turned out to be the best preceptor I ever had. OP, Don't give up hope!