Negative "Its all your fault" attitude

AirforceRN, RN · Nov 17, 2008

I have to disagree. More often than not I find that the members here are, if anything, overly supportive of individuals having bad days or making mistakes. There are so many "vent" threads here that, to be honest, I hardly ever bother reading them anymore as almost all the responses are started by people saying "I'm sorry" or "don't worry" or "you did the right thing". I know that we all need support now and then but more and more this site seems to be less about nursing and more about complaining due to the fact that people are encouraged to do so by the responses they recieve. Just my thoughts.

CapNurse09 · Nov 17, 2008

I have to disagree. More often than not I find that the members here are, if anything, overly supportive of individuals having bad days or making mistakes. There are so many "vent" threads here that, to be honest, I hardly ever bother reading them anymore as almost all the responses are started by people saying "I'm sorry" or "don't worry" or "you did the right thing". I know that we all need support now and then but more and more this site seems to be less about nursing and more about complaining due to the fact that people are encouraged to do so by the responses they recieve. Just my thoughts.

Amen .... it gets tiring and sometimes they didn't do the right thing and do need to worry.

Straydandelion · Nov 17, 2008

I personally wouldn't be near as fond of this forum if the opinions posted are NOT the real opinions but simply for support. According to the TOS https://allnurses.com/terms-info.html

This is a board for nurses and nurses-to-be to discuss nursing issues....Debates
We promote the idea of lively debate. This means you are free to disagree with anyone on any type of subject matter as long as your criticism is constructive and polite.......If you are ever in a position where you feel you have been personally attacked, do not respond to that attack. Please report the post using red triangle at the top of each post.....You are among the most intelligent, friendly, experienced, passionate and vocal Nursing posters anywhere on the Internet.

Disagreement IMO will be natural not knowing two people that are exactly alike. If it is NOT polite disagreement there are avenues the poster can take.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Nov 17, 2008

and if they didn't do the right thing and do need to worry, and you tell them that, then it won't be long before someone jumps on you for being "negative," "unsupportive" or "blaming the victim."

StNeotser, ASN, RN · Nov 17, 2008

No, you're not being silly and I've noticed it too.

It's not natural to accept blame for things that weren't your fault. And certainly not to do it for 50 - 60K a year. Just ain't human nature I'm afraid, however good a person you are.

rn/writer, RN · Nov 17, 2008

What's notable about either extreme is, by definition, the lack of balance.

I dislike threads where someone complains that a doc or a patient or a patient's family member or their own family member treats them with disrespect and, in the name of support, other posters start calling the offender/s names and unleashing really vile and venomous sentiments. Better just to say, "I'm sorry you were treated so badly," than to become just as nasty as the people who caused the problem in the first place. Launching a counter-attack doesn't help the OP. It just releases more negativity into the equation.

I also dislike threads where there is no separation of the person from what they did. Maybe the poster did make a mistake or violate an important principle. Certainly, it's appropriate to make note of that, but there is no need to humiliate, malign or insult the person in the process. This goes double if they've already seen the error of their ways and need encouragement to go on.

"All or nothing" responses strike me as shallow and lacking understanding of the complexities that are a part of being human.

At the same time, I've seen some thought-provoking posts that inspired me or brought tears to my eyes (or both) on this site. We have a number of wise contributors who have learned how to temper correction with kindness and offer support in ways that don't diminish others in the process.

Scrubby · Nov 17, 2008

I've also noticed several times now that when an inexperienced person comes here and starts a thread where they described an incident where they have made a mistake, haven't done the right thing, ppl here can be quite unforgiving, rude and sometimes downright insulting.

We all make mistakes, we all have things to learn. There are constructive ways of offering advice which i've noticed many people here do and it's great to see this. But there is really no need to 'slam' anyone and gang up on them. Nursing is a tough learning curve, there is no need to make it even harder. I have noticed that when a person is treated like an idiot for not knowing something, it tends to make them reluctant to ask questions.

lpnflorida · Nov 17, 2008

People do have bad shifts, people make mistakes, things happen. The only things we have any control over is ourselves and our own attitudes.

If pointing that out to people is considered not being supportive, then count me as being nonsupportive. I do not believe anyone is truly a victim ( with a few exceptions) bad things happen to people all the time. Many things as I said not in their control.

They will continue to feel victimized by their co-workers, families and patient unless they are able to look at what can they do. How they might or might not be contributing to the problems. Lastly what are they in control of.

Warm fuzzies are great and people need them. More importantly people to hear not what they want to hear, but what they need to hear. Of course using tact is a skill learned.

oramar · Nov 17, 2008

I consider all responses to my post in a very serious manner. My thought being that negative or positive there might be some good advice in there.

RNperdiem, RN · Nov 17, 2008

I like to give advise to posters who seem to be looking for it, but

I do understand the need to vent.

I also prefer dealing with people who want to solve their problems rather than complain how bad things are without the resolve to change the situation or themselves.

The mods have been pretty good about closing threads that get too personal or heated.

Jules A, MSN · Nov 17, 2008

I like to give advise to posters who seem to be looking for it, but
I do understand the need to vent.
I also prefer dealing with people who want to solve their problems rather than complain how bad things are without the resolve to change the situation or themselves.
The mods have been pretty good about closing threads that get too personal or heated.

Well said. It is a fine line but I think this board is suportive especially considering the number of members. People are different and personally I'm just not big on aimless venting. I try to find solutions and there are times when people aren't interested in solutions only cyber hugs. As someone else mentioned when a response really irritates me I try to reflect on it because most times its my issue not a stranger online who truly has zero influence over my life.