need help--husband died at home

Published

Hi, First of all, let me say I am a 39 year old nursing student and on Sunday, March 11, my husband died. This may be a long post so please bear with me. You see, I have been beating myself up over everything that happened and if there was anything else I could possibly have done to save him. My husband was 54 years old, had already had two heart attacks and two different bypass surgeries, was a type 2 diabetic on three different kinds of insulin, and numerous other types of medications. He had been awake for a couple of hours and I think he took some meds and possibly his first insulin injection but I don't really know for sure. He was not complaining about any chest pain or anything else. He went and sat down in his favorite recliner and I was talking to him from the kitchen not out of eyesight because the rooms are open-type setup. He didn't answer me so I looked over at him and he had thrown his head back against the chair and his arms had stiffened at his side. I ran over to him and it was as if he was gasping for air; his pulse was irregular and very bradycardic so I called 911 and was performing CPR simultaneously. Several times after I gave rescue breaths, it seemed as if he was almost gasping. I did everything I was told to do by the 911 operator and paramedics were here within 5 minutes. I had 5 paramedics working on him and when they hooked up the monitor I kept hearing them say "asystole". Does this mean that he never had any heart rythm? PLEASE tell me there is nothing else I could have done for him. The truly sad part is that my 5 year old and 14 year old sons were witness to the whole ordeal. I will appreciate any replies. Pam

Specializes in Brain injury,vent,peds ,geriatrics,home.

I am so very sorry for you and your family.God Bless and youre in my prayers.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Pam,

You are in my thoughts and prayers. I too lost a loved one and there are no words to describe the pain. Remember, although you may be angry at him, God is with you---always. Try to be strong, especially for your children. I promise to send prayers your way each and everyday. With my deepest sympathy,

Kristin

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Psych, Med/Surg, Home Health, Oncology.

Pam

Please accept my sincere condolences.

You and your Family will be in my prayers.

It sounds like you did everything right; please don't beat youself up!!

Be kind to yourself--for your sake & the sake of your children.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Nothing but ER.

Reading of your loss brings tears to my eyes. Praying for you. You did everything you possibly could. Peace and ((((((((((hugs)))))))))).

-bopps

Up Vote Up Vote ×

So sorry for your loss. It sounds like you did everything right........

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Hi Pam-

You did a good job keeping your wits about you in such a time of extreme stress! Your husband knew you were there.

I am so sorry that this happened to you.

I have been in a similar situation.

My daughter was of the same age as your youngest and saw everything, too.

If you are interested in talking, I will give you my phone numer in PM.

You aren't alone.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Med/Surg/Ortho/HH/Radiology-Now Retired.

Condolences on your sad loss. You did all you possibly could. I wish you and the children peace as you grieve the loss of your husband and father.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I agree with the others. It sounds like you did everything you could. It was just his time to go. He was among those who loved him most when his time came. I will keep you and your children in my prayers and please keep us all posted on how you and your children are doing. ((((((((((HUGS))))))))))

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I lost a dear friend to suicide in April and it was only recently that I stopped blaming myself. It will get better, I promise. May the Lord cover you in His peace.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

It is a normal reponse to question yourself after something like this happens. If you re-read your own post you can see the answer without my help. Let me assure you that what you are feeling is absolutly normal. I had a son that died in an auto accident 8 years ago. He was 20 and coming home from work after a night shift. The driver (a friend) and he were tired and sleepy and they hit a bridge after the driver fell asleep. I was no where near the accident but I still tried to make it my fault.

1. I should have forseen it somehow

2. I should have drilled seatbelts into his head more (it would not have saved him but I went there anyway)

3. I should have loaned him my car and he would have been driving himself

4. I should have been a better mother (like that would have stopped the accident)

No matter what the circumstances, we (expecially women) find ways to be at fault. Be assured that you did everything you could do and pray.

Why pray? Even though you are not guilty of anything..... Ask God to forgive you for your shortcomings and frailties and if he can forgive you..... then with his help.. you can forgive yourself.. and find peace in his arms. I will pray for you as well. peg

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Long term care, alzheimers, wounds.

So sorry to hear about your loss. Sounds to me like you did everything you could....

Don't beat yourself up over this.

Stay strong and give it to God.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Clinical Research, Outpt Women's Health.

I am so very sorry for your loss. You did an outstanding job, and I am certain that your children will be proud of you for all you did.

Hugs to you,

Kim

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion