need help--husband died at home

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Hi, First of all, let me say I am a 39 year old nursing student and on Sunday, March 11, my husband died. This may be a long post so please bear with me. You see, I have been beating myself up over everything that happened and if there was anything else I could possibly have done to save him. My husband was 54 years old, had already had two heart attacks and two different bypass surgeries, was a type 2 diabetic on three different kinds of insulin, and numerous other types of medications. He had been awake for a couple of hours and I think he took some meds and possibly his first insulin injection but I don't really know for sure. He was not complaining about any chest pain or anything else. He went and sat down in his favorite recliner and I was talking to him from the kitchen not out of eyesight because the rooms are open-type setup. He didn't answer me so I looked over at him and he had thrown his head back against the chair and his arms had stiffened at his side. I ran over to him and it was as if he was gasping for air; his pulse was irregular and very bradycardic so I called 911 and was performing CPR simultaneously. Several times after I gave rescue breaths, it seemed as if he was almost gasping. I did everything I was told to do by the 911 operator and paramedics were here within 5 minutes. I had 5 paramedics working on him and when they hooked up the monitor I kept hearing them say "asystole". Does this mean that he never had any heart rythm? PLEASE tell me there is nothing else I could have done for him. The truly sad part is that my 5 year old and 14 year old sons were witness to the whole ordeal. I will appreciate any replies. Pam

:icon_hug: Pyseymo & Family :icon_hug:

My prayers are with you and yours! I am so sorry for your loss!

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I'm so sorry about this. I agree, it's easy to feel guilt, I went through that (guilt)when my husband died almost 10 years ago. I was 40 and he was 52, similar ages to you and your husband. This is a very stressful time, especially if you have kids. If you want to talk, please PM me, or email. I'm sorry you're going through this awful time.

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I too am sorry to hear of your loss. You did the very best you could at the time. Please get some support for you and your children. Let us know how you are doing. Prayers will be offered.

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I am so sorry that you and your children are going through this. I am not a nurse, but I am sure you did everything that you possibly could have done for your husband. I will keep you and your children in my prayers. Peace be with you.

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Specializes in pedi, pedi psych,dd, school ,home health.

(((Please accept my sincere condolences. )))) A diabetic with pre existing heart condition is very likely to just go to sleep and not wake up... due to many factors previously mentioned here. Know that you did everything you can, and your sons will also know that in time. Please do find a bereavement group for all of you. Blessings. Mary

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Pam, I'm so sorry. It sounds like you did all that anyone could have done.

I hope you have been receiving help and understanding from your family, friends, and the people at your school.

I know that it is hard to believe when the loved one's passing on has been very, very recent but time really does heal these wounds. The anniversary of my Mom's death was 3/10 (7 years). And I didn't even think about it until my brother called that night and mentioned it. I was glad in a way and also aghast that I had not thought about it for weeks ahead of time and all day on that day. :icon_hug:

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Specializes in Orthosurgery, Rehab, Homecare.

Pam, as others have said, you did your very best, there was nothing more you could have done. Find solace in the fact that your husband was with people he loved when his time came. Take some time for yourself and encourage your boys to do the same. Talking to someone may help. Your job may provide someone (EAP) or your primary MD could probably give you a reference if you need. May you and yours find peace of mind and soul.

~Jen

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Specializes in L&D.

Pam, you did all the right stuff. I am absolutely sure of that. Don't expect yourself to "get over" this (as a family member counseled my sister-in-law after she watched her son die in a violent car accident); you will learn to cope with it day by day. Find strength, but cry when you need to. Hug your kids, then hug them again. Get hugs. Surround yourself with people who love you and understand that this won't be over next week, next year, or the next decade from now. Know that, even if you don't feel it right now, you are strong. We are all here for you.

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You did everything right. I saw my grandpa die of a heart attack when I was ten. As a result I started having heart problems, or so I thought. It was nothing but stress, and fear. Kids react to things very different than us grown ups do. Your family may need grief counseling, or just loving friends. I'm sorry for your loss-

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My deepest sympathy to you and your family. You will be in my prayers, have strenght and it will see you through. So sorry for your loss

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((hugs))

hang it there. you did your best.

i am wishing you and your family calm and peace.

hi, first of all, let me say i am a 39 year old nursing student and on sunday, march 11, my husband died. this may be a long post so please bear with me. you see, i have been beating myself up over everything that happened and if there was anything else i could possibly have done to save him. my husband was 54 years old, had already had two heart attacks and two different bypass surgeries, was a type 2 diabetic on three different kinds of insulin, and numerous other types of medications. he had been awake for a couple of hours and i think he took some meds and possibly his first insulin injection but i don't really know for sure. he was not complaining about any chest pain or anything else. he went and sat down in his favorite recliner and i was talking to him from the kitchen not out of eyesight because the rooms are open-type setup. he didn't answer me so i looked over at him and he had thrown his head back against the chair and his arms had stiffened at his side. i ran over to him and it was as if he was gasping for air; his pulse was irregular and very bradycardic so i called 911 and was performing cpr simultaneously. several times after i gave rescue breaths, it seemed as if he was almost gasping. i did everything i was told to do by the 911 operator and paramedics were here within 5 minutes. i had 5 paramedics working on him and when they hooked up the monitor i kept hearing them say "asystole". does this mean that he never had any heart rythm? please tell me there is nothing else i could have done for him. the truly sad part is that my 5 year old and 14 year old sons were witness to the whole ordeal. i will appreciate any replies. pam
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Specializes in Critical Care, Med-Surg- Risk Mgmt.

When people are diabetic, sometimes they lose sensation, so can infarct without having any chest pain. This, can be deadly. I am so sorry for what you are going through. Take this as easy as you can. It sounds like you did everything 'right'.

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