need help--husband died at home

[pyseymo]

Hi, First of all, let me say I am a 39 year old nursing student and on Sunday, March 11, my husband died. This may be a long post so please bear with me. You see, I have been beating myself up over everything that happened and if there was anything else I could possibly have done to save him. My husband was 54 years old, had already had two heart attacks and two different bypass surgeries, was a type 2 diabetic on three different kinds of insulin, and numerous other types of medications. He had been awake for a couple of hours and I think he took some meds and possibly his first insulin injection but I don't really know for sure. He was not complaining about any chest pain or anything else. He went and sat down in his favorite recliner and I was talking to him from the kitchen not out of eyesight because the rooms are open-type setup. He didn't answer me so I looked over at him and he had thrown his head back against the chair and his arms had stiffened at his side. I ran over to him and it was as if he was gasping for air; his pulse was irregular and very bradycardic so I called 911 and was performing CPR simultaneously. Several times after I gave rescue breaths, it seemed as if he was almost gasping. I did everything I was told to do by the 911 operator and paramedics were here within 5 minutes. I had 5 paramedics working on him and when they hooked up the monitor I kept hearing them say "asystole". Does this mean that he never had any heart rythm? PLEASE tell me there is nothing else I could have done for him. The truly sad part is that my 5 year old and 14 year old sons were witness to the whole ordeal. I will appreciate any replies. Pam

[cardsRN]

my thoughts are with you and your family. take comfort in your children.

[GeminiTwinRN, BSN]

I am so sorry for the loss of your dear husband, and the father of your precious children.

Please try to not dwell on the actual events previous to your husband's parting, his time was then, and you did everything humanly possible to avert the conclusion that came. It sounds like there was absolutely nothing you (or the team that responded) could have done to change his outcome.

Your focus now of course is on your reaction, and assisting your children in dealing with this tragic loss. I can't begin to imagine the pain you are going through. I wish for you great strength and healing in time.

Please try to continue your studies in school. I know this will be challenging! Allow yourself time to grieve, but at the same time if possible, stay in school, and show your children that no matter what, your lives will go on, and their Dad will live forever in all of your memories.:icon_hug:

[caliotter3]

My heart goes out to you and your family. My daughter, who had just turned 9, found her father at home, when he did not appear at her neighbor friend's house to take the gang on an outing. He was already dead and had passed away alone. She dissociated and happened to be spotted by a neighbor across the street as she was going in and out of the house, not knowing what to do. I was at work. Although, my job was supposed to provide us with a built-in support system, it was not so. I tried on more that one occasion to obtain professional counseling help for my daughter to no avail. I could tell by her behavior that she never dealt with this as she grew up.

I strongly urge you to muster together whatever support and personal strength you can for the sake of your children. Pay special attention to them, and take them out among the living, without burying your own feelings. You talked a lot about what could or could not have been done. Everything was done, God just wanted him at that time. The hard part is helping your kids deal with this now and in the future.

God bless you and your children and keep you in his safekeeping.

[burn out]

Believe me I feel your pain. The same kind of thing happened just last Sept. to my mother. The worst thing is knowing what to do and not having equipment available to help you. I am sure you did everything you could do but without proper equipment we are really limited. Recently I have read that the survival rate for sudden cardiac arrest at home is very very low

(Can't remember exact figures).

I think this kind of death is the worst kind to handle. First we are not expecting it. Second, we are the inital resuers with no equipment. Third we witness the whole picture---most familys we shelter from what we are actively participating in. I still get that adrenaline rush and stress today when I think about the day she died. I think with time it will get better but so far it hasn't.

[Simplepleasures]

My deepest sympathies, how shocking and incredably hard this must be for you and your boys. Time does make a difference, things are very raw now, but time really does soften the blow, speaking from personal experience. You and your family are in my thougts and prayers.

[CHATSDALE]

we always feel guilt when we lose a loved one no matter what the facts of the situation are..

this goes for your children as well..make sure they get some grief counseling and remember to good times..

[gr8rnpjt, RN]

I am so sorry for your loss. You did everything you could and please find peace in everyones words, don't beat yourself up.

I wish things like this did not have to happen in front of children. But due to the randomness (word?) you could not have protected them in any way from this. But they saw their Mom doing everything she could to save their Dad. That is what they will remember. there are support groups for kids who suffer losses like this. Perhaps something like a support group for kids would help them deal with it. Best wishes.

[Cherish]

I am sorry to hear of your loss. You and your family will be in my prayers.

[traumaRUs, MSN, APRN]

I want to add my condolences. I too do pre-hospital care and it sure seems like a cardiac event, especially given your husband's health history. Please know you did everything possible.

[BBFRN, BSN, PhD]

Wow- I am so sorry for your loss. You did everything you could do. Prayers to you and your family.

[herecomestrouble]

This is a terrible experience for you and your children,there doesn't seem to have been anything more you could have done.Listen to everybody here and get support and help for yourself and your children.I pray that you will all find peace in remembering your husband and Father instead of grief beating yourselves up over what more you could have done.

[RN BSN 2009]

You did all that you could... your thoughts are with us... one thing I did learn in NS is that diabetics often have silent heart attacks, meaning they feel no pain because of neuropathy, I believe... it's hard to diagnose... I'm sorry and hope you feel better soon