I'm a new grad RN working a busy tele/dialysis floor. I can have any where from 4-6 pts and they can have varying levels of acuity. Not to mention that I may have 1-6 discharges/admission through out the course of my shift.
Many days I feel as though I am just barely keeping my head above water. I feel as though the work is never finished on time, and there is always some one else wanting me for something.
I go home and vent to my fiance who tells me that I stress too much, am too dramatic, and it's not like the BON can just "take my license away". He then proceeds to tell me that since he worked for a month in a psych facility where he passed meds (that in his words "could have put somone in a coma if he did them wrong"), he understands and thinks I'm making way too much out of this.
Does anyone else go through this? I'm to the point where I don't want to tell him anything about work. I yelled at him last night that he's not a RN, he doesn't know what it's like, and even if he was passing meds at that facility it wasn't as though he had a lisence to lose!
The simple answer is to leave work at work. My wife and I are both nurses yet we do not talk about work at home. It is arule that when your butt hits the door at work on the way home your nurse day is over. I do not want to hear about her day at work adn she does not want to hear abut my day at work. We have too many other things we can talk about, after all we nurse to live, we do not live to nurse.
Specializes in Management, Emergency, Psych, Med Surg.
I few years ago I read some book that said the reason that men do not want to hear women vent their anger and frustration is because it increases their own anxiety because they can't fix it (what ever problem the woman is having). I think there is something to this. When I have a bad day at work and I come home and start talking about it to my husband, all of a sudden he is full of advice on what I should have done, or not do etc (he is also a nurse). He is trying to solve the problem for me when all I want to do is get it off my chest. On the other hand, when he comes homes upset (which is rare, he usually leaves work at work) I just listen and try to find out more of the details. I think part of it is just the way men and women think about things. Women talk to vent their feelings and to let their frustrations out. Men sometimes interpret this as the woman asking them for help when all you want the man to do is just listen. You usually won't see a group of guys in the nursing lounge talking in frustration about their patients or the doctors. It is usually the female nurses that do this because this is how women very often work out their problems. It keeps us from taking out a baseball bat and clobbering someone over the head. (You know, if women had the same physical strength of most men and the desire to use a weapon, the world would be in real trouble). So as someone else said, talk to your female friends. That is what I do or I get on this site and share it all with you guys.
My husband doesnt get it either and hes about the only one I have around me to really vent to except on this forum...which I have come to love because there are so many different nurses coming from different areas and backgrounds on here that can have some helpful input. My husband has always thought nursing was an "easy, high paying" job. And because I am an LPN he doesnt even consider me a real nurse. He thinks that only RN's are nurses. My in law is an RN and me and her can tell him the exact same thing about something and he automatically says that Im wrong and shes right. Therefore he wont believe anything unless he hears it from her...whether or not we say the same thing..which 9 times out of 10..we say the same thing. The difference in us is that she does office type nursing and I work in LTC where I am out on a floor doing meds, tx's, assessments, charts, labs, starting IV's, drawing blood, etc etc......and its very true that unless a person is actually DOING the work..they have no clue what the world of nursing is like.
My husband does not necessarily understand my work stress, but he is a sympathetic listener, and I do not go on endlessly about work.
If I need to talk more, I call my sister. She works in healthcare, and we can share stories about our days at work.
My husband does "get" what it means to do all day childcare while I work. Nursing is a part time job for me; the rest of the week I am a stay at home mom. I never get the "what do you do all day?" question from him.
My husband also got sick of it, so I don't bother him with the details anymore. My best friend and my MIL are nurses, so they get to hear about my awful nights, when I have them. I'd just communicate to your hubby that you have some extra bad days, and that you will try to alert him when you really want to relax and reduce your stress level.
What works for my husband and I, we have a rule where we try and keep work at work. He doesn't enjoy listening to me vent about my work day, and I in turn don't enjoy listening to him talk to me about all the details of farming (cause he can go on and on). If anything, we share the highlights together and keep them short. I find it best to talk to another nurse or health care girlfriend, who completely understands what its like to work in a hospital.
Wife and I allow each other 15 minutes. It works.
It's too easy to let the crap at work overwhelm your life OUTSIDE of work.
I know, neither does mine. I have lately resorted to going out for a beer after work w/ co-workers that I trust to vent, or at least to call up a co-worker occasionally and have a real gripe session. I just can't get my husband to want to listen or to understand. It makes me mad at times because I spent 15 years listening to him each and every day after work throughout his career, and I can't seem to get the same consideration back. But, oh well -- what can you do?
I do try to warn him, though, that the first hour or two after I get home are also times to show some consideration and to caution him not to throw too much at me when I walk in. We have gotten into massive blow ups just because he is acting jerky right after I get home. He's getting better at this slowly, but surely.
What I want: a glass of wine waiting, perhaps dinner done. I'd like the house to be relatively straight, and just for him to be kind, gentlemanly. Offer a seat for me to sit down -- ask I there is anything I need. I mean -- I have been taking care of other's needs for 14 hrs straight -- so it's tough when he won't get up off the couch to allow me to sit down when I first come in. He did this a couple of times and lived to regret it . . . :chuckle
I have dreamed so many times of him being allowed to shadow me for a day -- on a really tough day -- and see how long he could deal with it. He's military, so his job is also hard, but I still believe mine has been tougher than his many a day (other than the times he had to be deployed into hot spots).
But, it's not his fault I chose this profession. It was my choice, so I don't feel it's all up to him to entirely shoulder the burden. He supports me a lot in his own way.
You know what would be really nice is if they would have a good documentary on nurses and what their days/nocs are like. Which I don't think is out there. Also if they could only hear all that goes on in our heads and the worries we have about our patient's conditions/changes, etc. We have to be so careful not to mess up. I once had a friend who came from banking and he summed it up, I'm more anxious now that I ever was because I can no longer hit the delete button. Also, one thing that I would like is that if he could just once say I am proud of how far youve come, (maybe I made it look too easy, despite a teary day now and then) through school and onto the floors themselves. Just say I am grateful that you help the family with income and I'm proud of you for what you are and what you do. Does he even get the words ventilator or HFOV, 1 pd 1 oz preemie? I brought home a pix of a HFOV and how it worked because I needed him to see the mechanics of it. Cool, maybe that would work for anyone in NICU/PICU? Or read a chapter in a patho book and be able to tell me what you read! ha ha!!
My fiance doesn't understand either. He says he can't understand how someone can be tired from working only 3 days a week (12 hour shifts). He seems to think I work part time because I ONLY work 36 hours. He doesnt understand why on my first day off after 2-3 12 hour shifts in a row I dont feel like cleaning the house or running errands. I wish I could take him to work for a day and have him follow me around for a whole shift. He sits at a desk most of the day, so even though he works a couple more hours a week than me, its not anywhere near as physically exhausting. Only other nursing friends understand the kind of physical and mental exhaustion you feel after a 12 hour shift.
I haven't found venting to be very helpful in making me feel better when my job gets stressful. Sometimes I think it just prolongs the stress, and encourages you to demonize the people (coworkers, patients, family members, docs, etc) you are frustrated with. That increases stress.
I agree with other posters that your significant other really isn't able to understand what your shift is like. My wife is a teacher. She may listen politely if I tell her about my day, but if I want to talk with someone who really gets it, I have to talk with another nurse. I think that's a good thing. Why should stress at work affect your life at home? You aren't getting paid any more to worry about it.
When things get really stressful at work, I tell myself its a job. Sometimes jobs are stressful. When the day is over I try to leave it behind. I have a long commute, so I put on some music, call my wife, listen to talk radio, and usually by the time I am halfway home I am done thinking about it. Life is too short....
Specializes in acute rehab, med surg, LTC, peds, home c.
I go home and vent to my fiance who tells me that I stress too much, am too dramatic, and it's not like the BON can just "take my license away". He then proceeds to tell me that since he worked for a month in a psych facility where he passed meds (that in his words "could have put somone in a coma if he did them wrong"), he understands and thinks I'm making way too much out of this.
I would simply have to leave him for making such a stupid comment. JK, but seriously, My husband used to get annoyed that I was so crabby after work and just wanted to be left alone, now after 15 years, he knows not to even talk to me until I have had a chance to do my after work routine. This routine involves going to the BR, showering, putting on sweats/pjs, and putting my feet up. Then and only then, he may speak to me but only if it does not involve asking me to do something or complaining about something. He still tries to tell me what the kids did wrong that day and that always causes a fight because I just dont want to hear it, not then. Good luck, hopefully yours will understand someday.
Kyrshamarks, BSN, RN
1 Article; 631 Posts
The simple answer is to leave work at work. My wife and I are both nurses yet we do not talk about work at home. It is arule that when your butt hits the door at work on the way home your nurse day is over. I do not want to hear about her day at work adn she does not want to hear abut my day at work. We have too many other things we can talk about, after all we nurse to live, we do not live to nurse.