My significant other doesn't "get" what I go through on a daily basis.

Tait, MSN, RN · Aug 31, 2009

Well I tend to vent my work concerns to my mom to save my husband from it a bit. However, this being said, my husbands mother was an RN for years, and he never doubts that my job is stressful or demanding emotionally and physically.

I think you may need to sit down with him and express your concerns, and possibly find a more supportive person to vent your work stresses to, such as a friend or previous close classmate?

Trust me. Your job is demanding, scary, draining and also amazingly rewarding. Don't ever doubt that.

Tait

:icon_hug:

highlandlass1592, BSN, RN · Aug 31, 2009

I'm a new grad RN working a busy tele/dialysis floor. I can have any where from 4-6 pts and they can have varying levels of acuity. Not to mention that I may have 1-6 discharges/admission through out the course of my shift.
Many days I feel as though I am just barely keeping my head above water. I feel as though the work is never finished on time, and there is always some one else wanting me for something.
I go home and vent to my fiance who tells me that I stress too much, am too dramatic, and it's not like the BON can just "take my license away". He then proceeds to tell me that since he worked for a month in a psych facility where he passed meds (that in his words "could have put somone in a coma if he did them wrong"), he understands and thinks I'm making way too much out of this.
Does anyone else go through this? I'm to the point where I don't want to tell him anything about work. I yelled at him last night that he's not a RN, he doesn't know what it's like, and even if he was passing meds at that facility it wasn't as though he had a lisence to lose!

Well it sounds like you're not going to get any support from your fiance, which is a shame. You're not looking for him to solve the problem (which it sounds like he's trying to do) you're probably just looking for someone to let you blow off stream. When I was married, I was blessed with a husband who was a nurse so he really did have an understanding of what I was going through. Now that he's gone and I'm on my own, I've found it beneficial to get a sort of support group with friends from work. Who better than the people you work with to understand the frustrations you're going through? It's a thought that's helped me get through some rough times, allow me time to decompress.

I can understand your frustration about not being able to share this part of your life with your fiance. And it may be that's all the support you're going to get from him. Only you can decide how to deal with that situation. Good luck to you.

MAISY, RN-ER, BSN, RN · Aug 31, 2009

No one can understand this type of stress unless they have experienced it first hand. Let's face it, even nurses don't understand the different stressors and priorities that other departments may have-tending to downplay it as "drama".

My mom is on an ortho floor s/p femur/hip frx leading to replacement. My sisters couldn't understand why it was necessary to stay if the nurses are there....won't they clean, feed, turn, medicate and do everything right? After all of my stories you'd think they'd get it but don't. The things that haven't been done right are 50/50 with the things that have-part of me really understands the reasons-part of me truly resents it!

Either way I find it scary that the business of healthcare has made it this way and that no one is truly cared for anymore. :scrying:

wonderbee, BSN, RN · Aug 31, 2009

I find it's better to vent to another nurse. No one understands the problems of inpatient nursing like another inpatient nurse.

You have had an awesome responsibility very recently put upon you and you are feeling the weight of it. You may have to accept that your fiance is not going to give you the support you're looking for. It's not that uncommon.

fsaav · Aug 31, 2009

I know that most of the time your significant other is the person you go to for support, but I've learned that regarding work issues it usually leads to more frustration than it's worth because of the things you've mentioned. I think it's so important to have one or two good friends that are in the same profession who really understand where you're coming from. It goes both ways...I have no way of understanding what my husband really goes through at work and I don't pretend to. I'm just there to listen, even if I have no idea what he's talking about most of the time! :) Sometimes you want more than that though. You don't need someone to solve things for you but someone to listen who really can empathize and understand what you're going through.

mich321 · Aug 31, 2009

My mom is a nurse, so I vent to her rather than my husband. My husband is supportive but totally doesn't get it, and tends to downplay my concerns in an effort to make me feel better.....but it really only makes me more upset! I could fight with him about it, but to be honest I know why he doesn't get it. I didn't get it either until I actually became a nurse!

ChristyRN2009 · Aug 31, 2009

My so doesn't understand either why my 12 hour shift might be a little worse than his 12 hour shift as a store clerk. After my 12 hour shift I can barely walk and am ready to just stare at a blank wall, while he wants me to cook, be engaging and have lots of energy when I have to go back for another 12 the next day. NOT. And when I try to explain to him that I have been beat to pieces all day long, ran everywhere, and just want to walk from my car to the couch, and then my couch to the bed, and that's IT, he doesn't get it at all. I don't think he ever will, and to be honest if I weren't a witness to it, I wouldn't believe me either! This job is absolutely the hardest PHYSICAL job I've ever had, not to mention the emotional/mental stress. Yes I get paid good money, great money at times but I earn it with sweat and tears. And that's hard for someone who's never been in this role to understand.

We've had fights about it too, don't feel bad. I get frustrated that I don't have him to truly vent freely to, and he gets frustrated hearing how hard this job is when all he can really understand is that I get paid a lot of money for giving medication (that's his limited view of what a nurse does based on his experience). Its a vicious cycle that I'm not sure will ever end But I feel ya OP, no constructive advice here just comisseration.

ruralgirl08 · Aug 31, 2009

What works for my husband and I, we have a rule where we try and keep work at work. He doesn't enjoy listening to me vent about my work day, and I in turn don't enjoy listening to him talk to me about all the details of farming (cause he can go on and on). If anything, we share the highlights together and keep them short. I find it best to talk to another nurse or health care girlfriend, who completely understands what its like to work in a hospital.

metowe · Aug 31, 2009

The reality is, no one knows the stress bedside care givers go through except the person experiencing it. Had you known what the 'job' was really going to be like you may have chosen differently. Now the reality is; what else are you going to do? All that money and extremely hard work and the work environment is brutal. (which is why everyone looks for the promotions away from the bedside) My husband was so very sick of hearing it which is why I turned to microsoft word to document and cathartically try to figure out why I came home frustrated nearly every day. The fact that you are verbalizing your frustration means you still CARE.

My efforts resulted in publishing those frustrations. "A Good Day in Hell" The book is not a literary work of art but a first time look at the daily frustration from a bed side perspective. Kellyann Curnayn

pednursedeb · Aug 31, 2009

My husband doesn't understand either. His answer is "if it's that hard just quit". He doesn't understand that I can like what I do and still be totally exhausted at the end of the day. He does listen. I do think venting here or with another nurse is the only way to be truly understood. I worked on a tele floor for a good number of years and it can be totally crazy. I kid around and say that I left there for my health. That's not totally untrue. I am on a mixed floor now of pediatrics and surgical/medical/ortho ect. because we get overflow. It's crazy at times too, but not like tele.

metowe · Aug 31, 2009

Your story of how you feel after a 12 plus hour shift is exactly how millions of other Nurses feel. My husband gets it now, but it took 10 years of marriage and the publication of my frustrations for him to get it. The only way to survive is not care (apathy is a great analgesic), move away from the bedside (preceptor, charge, or education) or pursue a higher education. To complicate matters Nurses can not articulate the causes behind their frustration. "I need more help" "The secretary did not get my orders in" Breaking down the noxious stimuli is what needs to happen at this frontline.