My name is Tweety and I'm an Alcoholic

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

I grew up feeling different from others. I was always the kid that other kids made fun of and was horribly uncool. My home life was a bit dysfunctional, but not as bad as it could have been.. Mom had issues with mental illness and my Army Officer dad was strict but not around much. This all lead to a shy kid with little social skills.

When I started drinking in high school I immediately loved it. It coincided with my coming out as gay. I made friends and was able to relax and develop some social skills, only when drinking. Those were the days of disco and I had much fun dancing with the other gay guys and feeling a “part of” for the first time in my life. Booze was my friend and I was enjoying life.

Little did I know the booze that gave me such courage and social skills would nearly kill me. From age 17 to 24 I drank frequently and in excess, flunked out of college, lied, cheated, stole, was suicidal, even spent a night or two in jail, and become a monster of a miserable human being. I reverted to the shy kid with no social skills and was a daily drinker at home alone. At age 24 I went to a 7-week rehab and immediately drank when I got out. Didn’t learn a thing. Eventually after several tries something clicked and I became a faithful member of AA racking of 6 years of sobriety during which I became an RN and a born-again Christian (my sprititual life tends to lean towards other areas, and I can no longer claim to be a Christian, although the life of Jesus continues to inspire me). Life was really good and things had finally turned around for me.

When I moved to Florida I decided to ditch my program and started drinking again. I forgot that I was an alcoholic and wanted to be “normal” and thought I could handle it. Two years of drinking later I found out I couldn’t. After a blackout where I woke up the day after Thanksgiving, I cried out yet again for help and have been sober 11 years since.

I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to be clean and sober. I have so such a gratitude for life and health. Sometimes that shy insecure guy is there, but for the most part I’ve changed 100% for the better.

Each day I thank God that I’m sober and pray to stay that way. I can not for one moment deny that if I drink again, I will become addicted again and I may not make it back this time.

I still go to AA meetings, usually once a week, and I surround myself with recovering alcoholic friends (but not exclusively) to keep me accountable. I love talking to and helping other alcoholics in recovery. I realize there are many ways to get sober, but AA is the one that worked for me, so I’ll stick with them.

Being sober isn’t always easy, but life isn’t easy. Nothing has ever been so bad that I haven’t been able to make it through sober the last 11 years.

I could go on and on and on and write a book, but I’ll spare the reader, and if you’ve read this far, I’m thankful.

I would love to hear from other nurses in recovery about your story and journeys in recovery because it will help me. I encourage you to make a post with your story.

w00t!

[PurifyMe]

Tweety,

While I'm not recovering from anything, and have not battled addiction, I want you to know that your honesty, faith, and courage have blessed me this evening.....Thank You! May God continue to walk with you as you walk with Him...

Pure

[Elvish, BSN, DNP, RN, NP]

Thanks for sharing your story, Tweety. My uncle and grandfather are both recovered alcoholics. My uncle still goes to AA meetings also, for the same reasons you mentioned. I have much respect for you both.

I am still fighting to kick an addiction to sugar. No, it doesn't make me pass out or make me fail a drug test or lose my license or anything. But it will kill me nonetheless if I don't stop. My mother's entire family is overweight, and I am too. Nearly all of them have cardiac issues, diabetes, HTN, and elevated cholesterol. I'm a nurse. I know exactly what causes that stuff. I know what I should and shouldn't eat.

I'm an emotional eater, yes, but most of the time I eat the stuff I eat just 'cause I like the way it tastes. I just plain love sugar. I could eat a package of Oreos without batting an eyelash, and have been doing so regularly. Not only that, but mixing them with cream cheese. Tastes good, but not good.

Today I went all day without eating them. I even walked past them in the grocery store today & didn't consider buying any. That for me is a huge accomplishment. I'm looking forward to doing the same tomorrow. Thanks for the thread, Tweety.

[all4schwa]

Thank you Tweety. I had no idea, you continue to amaze me. Your wisdom, is invaluable and your strength considerable to be the first to step forward.

[leslie :-D]

wow, tweety.

just, wow.

you never cease to amaze me.

i honestly didn't think i could admire you more, but you did it again.

you are truly, one of a kind.

leslie:clphnds::clphnds::clphnds:

[nursemike, ASN, RN]

My best wishes for your continued recovery. I've been making some lifestyle changes of my own, lately, and your example encourages me that it ain't always easy, but it can be done.

I doubt there's a member on these boards who hasn't been blessed in significant ways, but I also doubt there is one of us who can't use some help from time to time. Whatever form the Divine may take in your world, may you always find the help and strength you need.

[VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN]

Thanks for sharing your story, Tweety. My uncle and grandfather are both recovered alcoholics. My uncle still goes to AA meetings also, for the same reasons you mentioned. I have much respect for you both.

I am still fighting to kick an addiction to sugar. No, it doesn't make me pass out or make me fail a drug test or lose my license or anything. But it will kill me nonetheless if I don't stop. My mother's entire family is overweight, and I am too. Nearly all of them have cardiac issues, diabetes, HTN, and elevated cholesterol. I'm a nurse. I know exactly what causes that stuff. I know what I should and shouldn't eat.

I'm an emotional eater, yes, but most of the time I eat the stuff I eat just 'cause I like the way it tastes. I just plain love sugar. I could eat a package of Oreos without batting an eyelash, and have been doing so regularly. Not only that, but mixing them with cream cheese. Tastes good, but not good.

Today I went all day without eating them. I even walked past them in the grocery store today & didn't consider buying any. That for me is a huge accomplishment. I'm looking forward to doing the same tomorrow. Thanks for the thread, Tweety.

I've made it 29 days, three hours, and about fifteen minutes without sugar, and all I can say is, this is a lot tougher than quitting drinking was.........and THAT'S a battle I continue to fight sixteen years after my first AA meeting. I can't help thinking sugar and ETOH have a lot in common, seeing as how they both turn into glucose in the body........maybe that's why I can't stop eating sweets once I get started.

Tweety, I have always admired you, but never as much as I do right now,:pumpiron: I congratulate you on winning your battle with the bottle, and support you in continued sobriety. It takes guts to look this beast in the face and fight our darker side; yet what choice do we have? I know my own life would not be what it is if I hadn't stopped when I did.........in fact, I'd be lucky not to be dead. I was pretty far down the road to ruin when I quit, and though I never did run into legal trouble because of it, I was a physical and mental wreck.

To all who are battling addictions of ANY kind: remember to take things one day at a time, one minute at a time, one crisis at a time. And it helps to know that cravings do pass, and each time you fight off a craving, it makes dealing with the next one just a little easier---PLUS you get to enjoy the feeling of self-mastery that nothing else can give you.

My best wishes to all of my fellow alcoholics and addicts.......you are more courageous than you know.

[Diary/Dairy, RN]

Thank you all for your stories. I struggle with addiction issues too - my Grandmother was an alcoholic, as are several of my aunts. I started drinking way too much when my ex moved out - I still like to drink, but I am working to achieve balance in my life........

[RNDreamer]

I think this forum is great. A few months ago, I decided it was time to stop drinking because I could see that I was heading down the addition road. (I would drink a little in the morning before heading to class. I couldn't even study without having a drink!) I would hide drinks in my room, so my father wouldn't see, then put the bottles in a bag and take them out with me in the morning. My friends always joked about me being an alcoholic, because I would also talk about what drink I wish I could have at that moment.

I won't lie. I think about drinking all the time. As I type, I wish I had a nice tall glass of Long Island Iced Tea. I knew it was time to stop because I didn't want it to get to the point where I was so dependent on having a drink that I would drink during my pregnancy. Becoming a mother is so important to me, more important than some drink.

I'm looking forward to reading more posts in this forum.

[Thunderwolf, MSN, RN]

Tweety, a most amazing life story. Your telling of the angst, the back and forth, and the denial in your younger years is something that many can and do relate to. It is a struggle...even during the days when we are at our best. I remember the days of disco...gay or straight...it was a day of alcohol, weed, and everything...sort of another mini 60's revival...a free flow of substances all around the place. Thank you for speaking of your vulnerability at the time which contributed in your relapsing. I always have admired men who were able to speak from that sacred place, being vulnerable...for we are human first, men second. Many men shy away from that spot...at a cost. The great thing about vulnerability (which some folks may call our weakness) is that it is the very place where we find our deepest strength. Thru vulnerability, we find our courage. I am all the more richer as a man because of your story, the telling of it. Thank you, my friend.

[SuesquatchRN, BSN, RN]

Hey, me too.

Don't drink and go to meetings. And if that doesn't work, don't drink and go to another meeting.

:)

[UM Review RN, ASN, RN]

Tweety, I honestly never would've guessed. That shows me how far you've come in your journey. Thanks so much for sharing.