Medical terminology according to patients

nursefrances, BSN, RN · Mar 1, 2014

Oh this is great. :lol2:

It does something good for the soul to laugh out loud sometimes. :yes:

In regards to "Johnson" for male "parts": I would check the surgery schedule for the next day at a surgery center where I worked in the past. We liked to know ahead of time if we had two patients with the same last name. I went into the office one afternoon and said "FYI ladies, we have two Johnsons here first thing in the morning." And everyone started laughing.

Christy1019, ASN, RN · Mar 1, 2014

Had a patient tell me they were allergic to epinephrine because it made their heart race! Oh yeah, and she was a RN too!

KatieMI, BSN, MSN, RN · Mar 1, 2014

Smilingbabyjesus (pronounced as a single word) - spinal meningitis.

Fell at the Lord's face - fainting while attending Sunday service.

Peeing diabetes or water diabetes - diabetes insipidus.

Wheeshing or whooshing - audible wheezes from asthma or COPD.

Low blood or bad blood - anemia.

New Year heart/disease - acute afib/RVR as a result of overindulging of vodka and other spirits around that time of the year. This particular name only known in a local community of Eastern European immigrants. For everybody else, it is "fits".

Bad breath and belly fits - usually DKA.

EaglesWings21, ASN, RN · Mar 1, 2014

WTH- "ole pole cat" and "the growler"!!! lol

I had a patient who kept saying he was obeast.

mander · Mar 1, 2014

I was once told somebody was "packing sugar" when her finger stick was high. I thought that was funny.

jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B · Mar 1, 2014

LOVE this--

Putting "the" in front of any sickness. I was told that the only thing that one should put "the" in front of is "the clap".

Otherwise, you will get applauded for "being nasty".

Having "sugar" (pronounced Shuggah), lamenting having to take those gosh darn (

And a little old lady who said she continued to have "the agita" but this time it made her "up-chuck" so it was concerning. Usually she says a few rosaries and it goes away.....

Oh, and one more...."Had a spell" A spell meaning any sort of...well, anything. From seizures to fainting, to not feeling well.....My grandmother's favorite medical diagnosis!!

On a more serious note, it is an issue when you need to educate on medications regarding chronic conditions that need to be maintained by meds. No matter how thorough, there are still patients who think that their HTN is "cured" once the pills are gone. Same with diabetes, CHF....actually, one can set their clocks by holiday admissions of CHF patients who don't want to pee all the way to their daughter's house for ham dinner....

jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B · Mar 1, 2014

If you like that one, you should like these:
lady parts
honey pot
va-jay-jay
pootang
"my good girl"
People are ridiculous, aren't they? :)

and "possible"

Wash as far up as possible, as far down as possible, and don't forget possible. I was told this as a a young CNA. Could hardly keep a straight face.

kungpoopanda · Mar 1, 2014

Old people say "squawmish" when they feel queasy. Such an odd word.

CT Pixie, BSN, RN · Mar 1, 2014

The aforementioned "sugar diabetes" always cracks me up.
Also, I like the patients who have had "stints" placed after a CABG.
Patients who take "I.B.profen" or "dilaubid" for pain.
My friend has "the AIDS".
"Oh! I didn't fracture my leg, I broke it."

Well we all know a broken bone is far worse than a fracture!

My friend 'fractured' his leg and then 14 months later when it happened again it was now a 'break'. "The fracture weakened the bone so this time, it fully broke'' is what he said.

I had a friend also tell me his grandmother had a stroke..which as he explained was a mini heart attack. I have to wonder if he thought this because of the whole calling a stroke a 'brain attack' in some of the commercials and ads on TV that were going on at the time.

MsLindaW · Mar 1, 2014

My personal favorite is "alltimers" or "oldtimers" (for alzheimer's)

RNsRWe, ASN, RN · Mar 1, 2014

Sounds like someone forgot to educate her on the purpose of the prep

Aw, you could educate them until you turn purple; some people just don't listen! They are told to put NOTHING in their mouths when getting an explanation of NPO: no gum, no mints, no sucking candies. And then they show up day of procedure, saying they "HAD to" have coffee because they just cannot wake up otherwise. Really? You are in a total COMA, incapable of becoming conscious long enough to have your FRIEND DRIVE you three miles to get here? Remarkable. Guess YOU are the one and only person we must allow to have coffee, then, prior to a procedure. :sarcastic:

Although, have to say, there were the occasional people who took the "nothing by mouth" really TOO literally....meaning they didn't even brush their teeth :wideyed: Well.....kinda wish you'd allowed a toothbrush in there before telling me your story..... :facepalm:

tokmom, BSN, RN · Mar 1, 2014

The sugars for diabetes, The vapors for fainting, having a spell for fainting, anaphilapes (pronounced Anna-fill-app-ease) for anaphylaxis, asthma pump for albuterol inhaler. My favorites are when I ask if they're allergic to any medications and they reply "No, just penicillin and codeine." Then why did you say no??

OMG, I KnOw!! I had a conversation that is an offshoot of this:

Nurse: Do you take any medications?

Patient: No, nothing at all and I haven't for years.

Nurse: No vitamins or anything like that?

Patient: Oh yes, I take a vitamin every day and a baby aspirin

Nurse: So you take a vitamin AND a baby aspirin every day?

Patient: Yes, my heart Dr. told me to take a baby aspirin when I take my blood pressure pill.

Nurse: Ok..so you take a vitamin, baby aspirin and a blood pressure pill?

Patient: Well...I only take the blood pressure pill when my water pill doesn't work well.

Nurse: Do you know the name of your water pill and blood pressure medication?

Patient: Oh, I don't take medication...I take PILLS.

AAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHH!!! :banghead: