Medical terminology according to patients

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I was thinking about times when patients use medical terminology that is a little different than what we would expect. Here are a few examples:

A patient had his "goldbladder" removed.

A patient with CAD s/p heart stent had "heart springs".

I had a patient who had a "cadillac" (cataract) removed from their eye.

One of my favorites: when a patient has "the gout".

Or there are the ever popular names for certain body parts, such as the lady who wanted to make sure her gown was tied so her "goody bits" wouldn't show. I know there are more I have heard but can't think of them know.

Anyone want to share?

Specializes in Certified Med/Surg tele, and other stuff.
Old people say "squawmish" when they feel queasy. Such an odd word.

My mom says squeasy. Her stomach is squeamish, and she is wanting some Tums. :roflmao:

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I get sugar diabeetus all the time. High blood.. Yeast "affection." My all time favorite was "coochie box" for a woman's privates, and the woman who said this was about 75.

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Specializes in Float Pool-Med-Surg, Telemetry, IMCU.

Had a cute elderly British lady tell me she wanted to wash her "undercarriage". :-)

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What medications are you taking?

>ASA, lipitor, lisinopril, and metformin

Next question--what medical conditions have you been diagnosed with or are treated for?

>Nothing.

Oh? Besides the high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and diabetes?

>Yeah, that. And migraines.

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Specializes in Pediatrics, Emergency, Trauma.
I get sugar diabeetus all the time. High blood.. Yeast "affection." My all time favorite was "coochie box" for a woman's privates, and the woman who said this was about 75.

Ahhh....also known as "the hot box" ;)

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Specializes in Ambulatory Surgery, Ophthalmology, Tele.

The post regarding patients changing their stories about there meds reminded me of something.

Prior to cataract surgery we need to know if a patient takes Flomax for prostate. It changes the way the iris of the eye reacts, during surgery and while dilating the pupil before surgery. We have to put a lot of dilating drops to make the eye dilate when they use this med. So while I am dropping and dropping a patient, here is our conversation:

Me: It's taking a while for your eye to dilate are you on a medication called Flomax or tamsulosin for your prostate?

Patient: No.

Doctor walks up....

Doctor: Are you taking Flomax, for your prostate, it helps you urinate?

Patient: Yep.

(Me-----> :wideyed: )

Doctor: For how long?

Patient: About a year and a half.

:facepalm:

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Specializes in cardiac-telemetry, hospice, ICU.

I was discussing an intervention regarding the patient's member and his wife interjected "we call him little Pete"

-I bit my tongue

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Specializes in Management, Med/Surg, Clinical Trainer.
Well not ACT-SHOO-ALL-LEE: "Open Heart" refers to opening the Heart for a Valve Replacement, etc., whereas a CABG is merely collateral circulation repair for the arteries which feed the myocardium. The Heart itself is not opened.

Yes but cardios refer to a CABG as open heart surgery. Now we can quibble with the method of opening the chest.

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Specializes in Certified Med/Surg tele, and other stuff.
I was discussing an intervention regarding the patient's member and his wife interjected "we call him little Pete"

-I bit my tongue

That reminded me of a conversation I had with a male, cellulitis patient who was taking Viagra on occasion. As I was typing his meds in the computer he became very serious and asked if the reason why he had only "half an erection" was from taking only half a pill and what a pain it was to have to stimulate himself to get a full erection. Trying not to appear shocked on where this admission history was going I asked him why he didn't take the entire pill? He told me he wanted "more bang for his buck". OMG..I just about choked.

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I have heard the male part referred to as "The Unemployed".

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Specializes in Pediatrics, Emergency, Trauma.
I have heard the male part referred to as "The Unemployed".

Weird. :wacky:

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Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.
Oh this is great. :lol2:

It does something good for the soul to laugh out loud sometimes. :yes:

In regards to "Johnson" for male "parts": I would check the surgery schedule for the next day at a surgery center where I worked in the past. We liked to know ahead of time if we had two patients with the same last name. I went into the office one afternoon and said "FYI ladies, we have two Johnsons here first thing in the morning." And everyone started laughing.

When I moved to New England I had NO IDEA what a Johnnie was (a patient gown). Where I came from people asked where the John was as Johnson "had" to take a leak.

One day in trauma we had a full arrest that didn't make it. The other nurses asked me to go and get a Johnnie. I thought "What in God's name do they want with a commode?" They nurse orienting me said..."Well hurry up!" SO.... I went and got the commode. She was NOT HAPPY with me. "What the blazes (not her exact words...LOL) are you doing with THAT?:" In her most shocked and disgusted voice. I said "You wanted a Johnnie" She quipped..." What an idiot...I thought you came with experience" and stormed out of the room. I thought..."Ok pumpkin...what ever" She returned with a patient gown and glared at me the entire time.

Later that evening in front of everyone I apologized for my Faux paus....that I was very experienced but I didn't take New England in nursing school and my language translator had not yet arrived. After a breif stunned silence everyone laughed at the ridiculousness of the stiuation. It wasn't the last time I made a New England translation error....but at least then they under stood I wasn't an idiot I just didn't know the language.

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