Mean girls....OR Bullying

[DoingGodsWork]

Hi all. :) Just wanted to vent and get a few takes on my current situation. I am a fairly new nurse (second career) and have been in the OR for about 1 year. I work in a large teaching hospital and I really love my job. I have recently completed orientation in the OR and now I am on my own in the rooms. I both circulate and scrub. I feel I have finally gotten a grasp on things and am doing well but I am still learning. I have been experiencing some rude behavior from co workers. I have been busting my butt to learn and grow and I have been told by my managers and nurse educator that they think I am doing well. Some days are better than others but an incident the other day made me question my abilities as a nurse.

An older nurse went to my nurse leader and told her that I 'looked lost''when I had gotten to the room that morning. :no:Normally there is a circulator and a scrub. This day there was 3 of us scheduled so we were trying to figure out who should do what and I was told by my nurse leader that I was to help circulate. Ok fine. The other circulating nurse was complaining the whole time that she was scheduled to leave and do lunches later that afternoon and obviously she didn't want to do it. After complaining about me "looking lost" to my nurse leader and then to the charge nurse, I was told to do the lunches so she could remain in the room. Later I was called into the nurse leader's office and asked how I was doing and she told me about the comment. I had been working in rooms on my own for at least 3 weeks and never had an issue and this nurse used the fact that I was new to her advantage, making me look incompetent in the process. And the whole time we were talking and working together like everything was fine.

Now I feel like other nurses are starting to look at me as if I don't know what I'm doing but after working with me clearly see that I am perfectly capable. How could someone do that? I was so upset and broke down crying in her office, not just from this incident but from many others this past year. I am really fed up and know in my heart that I am doing an awesome job. I used to go to work with a smile on my face and excited to start the day. Now I feel bitter and disgust at some of the nurses I have to work with. I want my old happy self back. How do I deal with these nurse on a daily basis and keep my sanity? I'm thinking of leaving and starting over somewhere else. I know it's not that bad but I hate how I feel these days. I love being an OR nurse and I will die a nurse, but I now have headaches and heart palpitations every now and then because of the tremendous stress I feel.

P.S. I have gotten confirmation from an experienced nurse that I am doing an awesome job and that there are "mean girls" in our OR.

[Rose_Queen, BSN, MSN, RN]

You will find "mean girls" not only in every nursing specialty, but in every career field in existence; it's just part of human nature. While you can't control how others act or talk, you can control how you react to them. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission." If only 1 or 2 people are saying "mean" things but the majority are saying the opposite, just ignore it (I know, easier said than done- it will get easier with time). Continue doing the job you're doing, continue learning (as a nurse, you can never stop learning), and have faith in yourself.

[DoingGodsWork]

Thanks so much Rose_Queen for your comment. You are absolutely right, there are mean girls in every profession. I just thought that since we are nurses we care a little more and are more empathetic to others. And you are also right about faith in myself. I will continue to remain positive and be thankful for the truly great days I have. Thank you again.

[FolksBtrippin, BSN, RN]

You can fix this for yourself.

Picture the most confident person you know. Now imagine that person heard someone say she looked lost. What does she do? Imagine it. I Imagine her shrugging her shoulders and giving a look of "who knows why people do what they do?" Then getting back to being awesome.

Now do that thing you imagined. Be confident in the presence of whomever may have doubted you.

Now it will be okay that someone misjudged you, because the proof is in the pudding.

You don't even have to be mad at that person because, hey, everyone makes mistakes.

[CVICU-Nurse1.5]

People can be cruel.

7 billion (7,000,000,000) people in the world, don't let 1 ruin it.

[canigraduate]

You are focusing on your fear of what could be true. You are feeling that little bit of insecurity that all newbies do and you might have blown it out of proportion.

Don't give your fear that much power over you. You said that your managers and educator say you are doing well. They are the ones that control your advancement, so they are the only ones you need to listen to.

In this one case, I believe you are your own worst enemy and are placing too much importance on a single event.

Focus on what you know to be true and let the remarks fall by the wayside. The nurse may have had a valid reason for suggesting that you looked lost. It could have been something as simple as she saw you while you were reminding yourself of what you were going to do. This is NOT a personal attack on you. Do not imbue this situation with drama and there will be no drama. I would also use this as a learning opportunity. The other nurse may have seen something that you could improve upon.

As Invitale said, act with confidence. If you truly were confident, you would have brushed off what the other nurse said and not been blindsided by it. You would have either been indifferent or ready to learn. If you are not confident in your abilities, keep working at it until you are.

Good luck.

[WhoDatWhoDare, BSN, RN]

I'll present the flip side to that coin, just for argument's sake...

Lord knows that I have my "off" days where I'm just not "with it" like I am normally. Maybe it's lack of sleep, or maybe it's working with that one surgeon who walked into the hospital in a bad mood and he exudes it in the OR. No matter what, we all have days that aren't our best, even if they are good days. Maybe the one who complained was having a bad day themselves and she is taking out on you.

Maybe the issue on this particular day was the lack of clear direction on what each person's role is because you stated that there was an extra nurse there.

No matter what, I agree with everyone else about how to deal with it though. Just ignore the naysayers and press on; you control how you react.

-WhoDatWhoDare

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

Neither mean girls nor bullying, but simply a series of interactions that led to a result with which you were unhappy. If I were to see any red flags in the original post, it's the poster's contention that she's doing an "awesome" job. After three weeks on your own, I'd expect you to do an adequate job, leaning towards becoming competent but flailing when confronted with something new and unexpected. Unless it were prefaced with "Considering that I'm brand new and still have so much to learn that I don't know what I don't know --" I'd be concerned about anyone off orientation less than a year or two who thinks they're doing an awesome job.

[heron, ASN, RN]

@O9eleven: Ruby Vee seems to be the user newbies love to hate. In this case, I have to say that you don't know what you don't know.

"Awesome" is a value judgement that depends entirely on where the bar is set in the first place. In a high acuity area like OR, ER or critical care, the bar is set very high because the stakes are very high and the margin of acceptable error is very tight.

I agree with Ruby that the OP is "awesome" only in the sense of being a promising beginner with lots of potential and a willingness to learn.

ETA: Personally, I think "awesome" has been so over-used that it's lost its power as a superlative. The Grand Canyon is awesome. The ditch at the side of the road, not so much.

[NanikRN]

Nope, I'm with Ruby on this one. She calls it as she sees it----and she is seeing straight

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

@O9eleven: Ruby Vee seems to be the user newbies love to hate. In this case, I have to say that you don't know what you don't know.

"Awesome" is a value judgement that depends entirely on where the bar is set in the first place. In a high acuity area like OR, ER or critical care, the bar is set very high because the stakes are very high and the margin of acceptable error is very tight.

I agree with Ruby that the OP is "awesome" only in the sense of being a promising beginner with lots of potential and a willingness to learn.

ETA: Personally, I think "awesome" has been so over-used that it's lost its power as a superlative. The Grand Canyon is awesome. The ditch at the side of the road, not so much.

Well, I guess one could say something is "awesome" meaning it's a train wreck, but most folks seem to mean "awesomely good" rather than "spectacularly bad."

[Spidey's mom, ADN, BSN, RN]

You will find "mean girls" not only in every nursing specialty, but in every career field in existence; it's just part of human nature. While you can't control how others act or talk, you can control how you react to them. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission." If only 1 or 2 people are saying "mean" things but the majority are saying the opposite, just ignore it (I know, easier said than done- it will get easier with time). Continue doing the job you're doing, continue learning (as a nurse, you can never stop learning), and have faith in yourself.

This is exactly right. There are "mean" or rude people in every field. It isn't just nursing. However, the majority of us are not mean or rude. Don't buy into that stereotype please.

People can misunderstand what they see. You were confused about a change in the usual way things are done and someone else perceived that as "looking lost".

Do not let that get to you.

And Ruby Vee is awesome! No complaints at all from me.