marriage and nursing school

Published

Just a general question. How many people's, or people you know, marriage or relationship didn't survive the stress of nursing school? I've been married 33 years and I have 6 months of school left, and I'm pretty sure my marriage is going to be a statistic soon. Just wondering if anyone else has dealt with this and if so how you handled it, school, preparing for the NCLEX, and starting a new career all at the same time. Feeling broken.

Specializes in NICU.

Nursing school doesn't cause relationships to fail. Many people have strong relationships/ marriages before nursing and strong or stronger relationships after nursing school. The relationships that fail during nursing school all ready had issues before the mate enters nursing school. Nursing school is the stressor that causes a rocky relationship to fail. It is like a dam. Over many years cracks can develop. People choose to ignore the cracks until the 100 yr storm hits and places an enormous stress on the dam until it bursts. Will that 100 yr storm cause strong dam without cracks to burst, probably not. It is the same as a relationship. Issues develop in the relationship over the years, life gets in the way, they get ignored and if they are not tended to by BOTH partners a stressor such as a loss of a child, job, or nursing school can cause those cracks in the relationship to magnify to a point that one or both of the partners gives up.

When I started nursing school my girlfriend told me "I'll see you in 15 months" (15 mo. ABSN program). She knew that we wouldn't have much time for each other. We had couple time when my schedule permitted and she did her own thing when I needed time to study. She was my rock throughout nursing school. She knew that she had to be low on my priority list during nursing school and she accepted it knowing that it was temporary and getting through nursing school would benefit both of us.

I am sorry you are going through this, but I assume that there were issues before nursing school because he said he has given up. That is not sign that your marriage was rock solid before school. You need to focus on finishing school. It takes 2 people to make a marriage work, you can't save it by yourself. You putting any more energy in trying to save your marriage (and sacrifice your finishing your degree) would be futile if he puts in no effort to keep it going.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I do not think that it is nursing school per se that is the reason for the marriage going south. I am sorry you have this added stress.

There are many reasons why a couple does not get along anymore. Perhaps your priorities and your determination has led to a "new" you and he can't deal with it. Good for you for going back to school and being close to finish!!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Cardiology, Cardiothoracic Surgical.

Brutal truth time ahead:

IMO, relationships are going to survive, or they're not. There's no "fixing" it during nursing school. The nursing school experience just opens up cracks that were already there under the surface. Your partner/spouse is going to have to adapt to the concept that they are not #1 in your life anymore, and some people aren't strong enough to handle the lack of attention and pick up the slack. Especially if you've been in a traditional role for years, taking care of kids, house and them.

There are ways to survive nursing school, but you're going to need a strong support system (read: people who really love you and have your back) behind you to do so.

OP, this is just the beginning. Add on the potential stressors of 13-14 hospital shifts, commuting, you being away from home from long periods of time, what then?

You've come too far to throw in the towel. Don't quit.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Really sorry you are having such a hard time when you're close to the end of your program! The other people have pretty much said everything I would say, and I'd also say that if it wasn't school that was going to see the end of your marriage it would be something else eventually. even if he didn't fuss about school you can bet he'd fuss about you having to work night shift or weekends or holidays, because you know that's coming too! Might as well cut your losses while you can and before you have even more stress down the road. sorry :(

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Pschiatry.

Thank you all for taking the time to answer and for being honest. It's a bitter pill to swallow to have to admit that there were ignored issues before school. Most of you hit the nail right on the head! I know I have some decisions to make and I hate making them while I'm under so much stress because I know I won't make the best ones because my head is not clear. I truly appreciate all of the support. Thank you especially Farawyn.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Thank you all for taking the time to answer and for being honest. It's a bitter pill to swallow to have to admit that there were ignored issues before school. Most of you hit the nail right on the head! I know I have some decisions to make and I hate making them while I'm under so much stress because I know I won't make the best ones because my head is not clear. I truly appreciate all of the support. Thank you especially Farawyn.

Even though this place is anonymous, it took a lot to put your heart out there and trust us with this. Thank YOU. All the best.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ICU.

I think any relationship that can fall apart because of school stress is a relationship you would be better without.

Life doesn't stay perfect for long, if it's ever perfect for you at all. People lose their jobs, they get chronic illnesses, there are deaths in the family, children are born. Lots of stress with each of those things - a cancer diagnosis is more stress than schoolwork. So is a baby, which is going to provide many, many years of rarely getting quality time with your partner that doesn't include being barfed on and/or listening to Dora the Explorer in the background.

If your partner can't handle something as transient as school, they definitely won't be able to handle anything other than clear skies. Better to cut your losses before real life happens.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I'm sorry for what you're going through! I think that difficult moments like these (going through nursing school, being stressed) should be the time when a couple is closest.

Like I always say nursing school will either ruin your relationship or make it stronger!

I think it's much easier for someone who has gone down through a rigorous college program to understand what we're going through. My husband has also gone through a difficult program (civil engineering) and understands and respects what I do. He's currently taking classed for his master's degree and working so I guess that's why he doesn't complain much :D However, I do make sure that we spend at least 2 or 3 hours by ourselves or with friends every weekend.

And please do not feel guilty about your marriage falling apart, it's clearly not your fault! You are giving it your best and that's all that matters!

I wish you the best of luck!!

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Quite a few of my nursing school classmate's relationships were ruined and/or ended. I am sorry for what you are going through. Nursing school is not easy, and definitely takes a toll on not only the relationship with your other half, but family and friendships as well. Fortunately, nursing school is not forever. There is a light at the end of the tunnel... gently remind the "complainers" of that :)

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Hi,

I read your story and I am answering in behalf of my sister whose a foreign RN. I am actually not a nurse. However, I suggest that if you are studying to become an allied health professional and its a very demanding career and competitive, first try to evaluate your situation of having a commitment versus your career. I know several people whose in medical school FAILED their semester courses because of marriage, having a child, and boyfriend. Its a bit complex. And to where I came from, study college first before a full time job/ boyfriend/ marriage& children. I was surprise to see several westernized student from my class here in US to have it altogether when I can't because its very hard. Take a time off and think whats the best solution to your problem in order for you to lessen your stress from the career path you chose.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Hospice.

Was there a problem before school? Is he worried how a new career will affect him? I have done bsn and MSN without issues but he had to take on extra roles and that was a lot .

I would try therapy before throwing in the towel

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ED.

Nursing school and working with females has all but destroyed my marriage. It wasn't good to begin with, but my wife is ridiculous and jealous. I don't know why...every text is a threat. In Nursing school, as we all know, most of us become real close comrades. We are all going through the same stress, we study together, hang out together, it's just how it works. This is what really damaged my relationship, and it's not getting much better. I'm at a loss for answers. I am not, however, going to play into the "make me feel special" all the time game. I have been married 32 years, and if she doesn't think I am committed at this point then there is nothing I can do. Makes it real miserable to enjoy my job when the hammer is waiting to fall all the time...

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion