marriage and nursing school

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Specializes in Pschiatry.

Just a general question. How many people's, or people you know, marriage or relationship didn't survive the stress of nursing school? I've been married 33 years and I have 6 months of school left, and I'm pretty sure my marriage is going to be a statistic soon. Just wondering if anyone else has dealt with this and if so how you handled it, school, preparing for the NCLEX, and starting a new career all at the same time. Feeling broken.

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I'm so sorry.

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Specializes in Pschiatry.

Thank you.

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Thank you.

I have nothing else to add as far as your questions. I really don't know. I know stress can break down marriages. Hopefully, yours can be salvaged.

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Specializes in Pschiatry.
I have nothing else to add as far as your questions. I really don't know. I know stress can break down marriages. Hopefully, yours can be salvaged.

I'm trying, he's not anymore and let me know that. I realize that I'm really stressed and sometimes take it out on him and that's not fair. I try not to do that but sometimes it just gets to be too much. I asked him to go to marriage counseling with me, he refused. My schedule is insane right now and I know I'm not spending the time with him I should be, but I truly can't help it. I can't give up with only 6 months left, not even for him, so we're kind of at a standoff. Thanks for caring enough to answer.

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Specializes in Family Medicine, Tele/Cardiac, Camp.

I'm so sorry. As an undergrad I saw many marriages and relationships fall apart in my program. I also had a very good friend drop out of the program because he felt his marriage was suffering and he needed to focus on it. They ended up staying together, but another friend who dropped out because her relationship was suffering ended up breaking up with her fiance because (in my opinion) the relationship was in trouble long before nursing school and any amount of effort on her part wasn't going to do anything if he wasn't willing to look into it and put effort into it too. But, then again, I saw several relationships last and a few grow stronger too.

I don't have much experience with marriage yet as I'm technically still a newlywed, so I'm not sure I'm even qualified to offer advice, but I was involved with someone for 10 years before I met my husband and - for me - a partner's unwillingness to go to therapy can be a pretty big red flag. I know some people can be hesitant with therapy but, to me, that's a sign that he doesn't want to confront whatever is going on that's putting strain on the relationship, he doesn't want to admit the hand he's playing, or he's in denial. Any of those reasons is very disrespectful to you and your marriage. In my book, it just shows he doesn't take the marriage seriously and/or doesn't take your concerns seriously. And the fact that he acknowledges that he's not trying anymore...that's horrible and kind of mean. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you right now.

If your marriage is in a fragile state it might not survive the next 6 months. Or it might. I don't know enough about your dynamic and I'm not in the relationship so I can't say. You suggested therapy despite your crazy schedule so that does show commitment on your part. Have you asked him point-blank where he wants to go with things? Again, I feel woefully unqualified, but I will say that you can't be expected to be the one solely responsible for keeping your marriage together. Be good to yourself. There are 2 people in the marriage and there's only so much you can do if he's already checked out.

I'm so sorry. I truly hope you can work it out. *hug*

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Specializes in Critical Care, Med-Surg, Psych, Geri, LTC, Tele,.

Looking back in time, and we know that we see perfectly in hindsight, my marriage was under pressure prior to my choice to start the path to become a nurse.

He ended the marriage while I was taking my intensive prereqs.

I continued on my path to become a nurse. I lost a lot, but gained much more.

As far as your question regarding how people handle this: I took it as it came. I often compare it to being kicked in the shins from behind, repeatedly.

My ex did so many mean, abusive things to try to derail my pursuit.

But, you know what? I survived! I made it through LVN school, prereqs and am now in my last semester of RN school. In spite of his attempts at stopping me.

Don't feel broken. Feel free from burden. This is how I've learned to frame things.

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Specializes in Pschiatry.
Looking back in time, and we know that we see perfectly in hindsight, my marriage was under pressure prior to my choice to start the path to become a nurse.

He ended the marriage while I was taking my intensive prereqs.

I continued on my path to become a nurse. I lost a lot, but gained much more.

As far as your question regarding how people handle this: I took it as it came. I often compare it to being kicked in the shins from behind, repeatedly.

My ex did so many mean, abusive things to try to derail my pursuit.

But, you know what? I survived! I made it through LVN school, prereqs and am now in my last semester of RN school. In spite of his attempts at stopping me.

Don't feel broken. Feel free from burden. This is how I've learned to frame things.

Thank you!

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Specializes in Pschiatry.
I'm so sorry. As an undergrad I saw many marriages and relationships fall apart in my program. I also had a very good friend drop out of the program because he felt his marriage was suffering and he needed to focus on it. They ended up staying together, but another friend who dropped out because her relationship was suffering ended up breaking up with her fiance because (in my opinion) the relationship was in trouble long before nursing school and any amount of effort on her part wasn't going to do anything if he wasn't willing to look into it and put effort into it too. But, then again, I saw several relationships last and a few grow stronger too.

I don't have much experience with marriage yet as I'm technically still a newlywed, so I'm not sure I'm even qualified to offer advice, but I was involved with someone for 10 years before I met my husband and - for me - a partner's unwillingness to go to therapy can be a pretty big red flag. I know some people can be hesitant with therapy but, to me, that's a sign that he doesn't want to confront whatever is going on that's putting strain on the relationship, he doesn't want to admit the hand he's playing, or he's in denial. Any of those reasons is very disrespectful to you and your marriage. In my book, it just shows he doesn't take the marriage seriously and/or doesn't take your concerns seriously. And the fact that he acknowledges that he's not trying anymore...that's horrible and kind of mean. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you right now.

If your marriage is in a fragile state it might not survive the next 6 months. Or it might. I don't know enough about your dynamic and I'm not in the relationship so I can't say. You suggested therapy despite your crazy schedule so that does show commitment on your part. Have you asked him point-blank where he wants to go with things? Again, I feel woefully unqualified, but I will say that you can't be expected to be the one solely responsible for keeping your marriage together. Be good to yourself. There are 2 people in the marriage and there's only so much you can do if he's already checked out.

I'm so sorry. I truly hope you can work it out. *hug*

Thank you

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Specializes in ICU, OR, Periop.

It's hard to balance school, a job, and family life. I've found that's it's normally up to ME to commit to a time with the family, or alone time with him. I'm the one that "disturbed" the perfectly happy life we had before the stress of school, so I'm always willing to sacrifice time where needed to keep everyone happy. The rest of the family still has the same schedule etc., so I've had to adapt a lot.

Being the one who's seemingly under the most stress, and still having to keep holding everything together is rough, but we're superwomen, it's kind of what we do ;)

I hope your marriage doesn't fail, but it sounds like he's already decided that he's done trying :( Don't quit school. You're almost there, and if he's willing to work with you, things WILL get better. Especially after you've completed school!

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Specializes in Infusion Nursing, Home Health Infusion.

sorry this is such a stressful time for you. Protect yourself financially.If you divorce it may be wise to do so before you are capable of earning any significant income so you can collect alimony.This varies by state but please secretly look into you because you can bet he will protecting his interests.

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Specializes in home health, developmental disabilities.

My second semester of school was when my husband and I had the hardest time. I was working a lot and my daughter was only a year old at the time.

I tried so hard to balance everything. It's just so much to bear. I don't think spouses truly get it.

My husband changed his schedule so that he could be home with my daughter during the week when I went to school. He has sacrificed so much.

I'm thankful for all that he's done but even as I prepare to graduate in May, we still have stressful moments. Mostly arguing about how I'm not home enough, etc. There have been times when I thought we weren't gonna make it. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Even in my most stressful times, quitting school was never an option.

Nursing has been my dream and that wasn't going to change. As selfish as it sounds I knew that with or without him, I had to follow my dreams for myself and also for my daughter. I'm glad we are working it out now, but my point is just keep going! I'm sorry you're going through this but remember to stay true to yourself. Good luck

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