marriage and nursing school

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Just a general question. How many people's, or people you know, marriage or relationship didn't survive the stress of nursing school? I've been married 33 years and I have 6 months of school left, and I'm pretty sure my marriage is going to be a statistic soon. Just wondering if anyone else has dealt with this and if so how you handled it, school, preparing for the NCLEX, and starting a new career all at the same time. Feeling broken.

Nursing school and working with females has all but destroyed my marriage. It wasn't good to begin with, but my wife is ridiculous and jealous. I don't know why...every text is a threat. In Nursing school, as we all know, most of us become real close comrades. We are all going through the same stress, we study together, hang out together, it's just how it works. This is what really damaged my relationship, and it's not getting much better. I'm at a loss for answers. I am not, however, going to play into the "make me feel special" all the time game. I have been married 32 years, and if she doesn't think I am committed at this point then there is nothing I can do. Makes it real miserable to enjoy my job when the hammer is waiting to fall all the time...

I guess she doesn't think you're committed if she is feeling this way.

Was she always jealous? Did you always have female friends?

I'm a jealous person. I think a little "make me feel special" can go a long way to making the insecurities less.

32 years is a long time. I hope you guys can work it out.

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So sorry for what you're going through. I absolutely agree with what everyone else has said here. I have one year left of my BSN, and there have been many failed relationships in my cohort. A few of us (including myself) actually got married during school, but even still, our relationships greatly suffer from time to time.

Nursing school requires so much of our time. It's not just about going to class for 8 hours then coming home and relaxing. We come home, study for clinical, case studies, exams (every week sometimes), and then we get up the next morning and do it all over again. We don't have the downtime to spend with our spouses like maybe they wish we did. While I agree it's not "nursing school" per se that's breaking up the marriage, nursing school does contribute to the mounding life stresses that can crack even a seemingly strong relationship.

Don't feel you're alone in this, as from what I've experienced, this is a fairly common scenario. I feel sometimes like my marriage will become a statistic as well, and have to put a conscious effort into making it work almost daily. It's tough for me, so I can only imagine what you're going through at 33 years of marriage.

Easier said than done, I know, but do what's best for you. You're so close to being done, and if your husband can work with you through this time, then I'm sure things will pick up once you're done. If he can't, then be grateful you got into a good career, and have peace knowing that you tried to make it work and maybe you're better off apart. Best wishes, OP.

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Specializes in PACU, pre/postoperative, ortho.
Nursing school and working with females has all but destroyed my marriage. It wasn't good to begin with, but my wife is ridiculous and jealous. I don't know why...every text is a threat. In Nursing school, as we all know, most of us become real close comrades. We are all going through the same stress, we study together, hang out together, it's just how it works. This is what really damaged my relationship, and it's not getting much better. I'm at a loss for answers. I am not, however, going to play into the "make me feel special" all the time game. I have been married 32 years, and if she doesn't think I am committed at this point then there is nothing I can do. Makes it real miserable to enjoy my job when the hammer is waiting to fall all the time...

My husband is similar. We've been together 25 yrs, married for 23, & he still acts convinced I'm actively looking to cheat or leave him. When I started school, I couldn't mention the fact that there were actually males in the class or that I might see naked male pts. When I started working, he was sure I would leave him for a rich doctor. I tell him, "Why would I want to trade one !@#$ for another?"

I think the insane jealousy is how they express feelings of being somehow inadequate & undeserving. My DH is better since I've worked a bit longer now, but still has his little fits. I roll my eyes, ignore him or try to reassure him that if I wanted to leave him, I'd have done it already, ffs! And then we move on... 😊

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Do you all think that it's because nursing school is so TOUGH? Or because the husbands can't let go of the wives devoting so much attention to something other than them?

I think it's the latter, because nursing school is no harder than any other school.

Is it school in general that's derailing the marriages, or specific to nursing?

This is for the women here. I can't speak for the men in this scenario.

Musing aloud.

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Nursing school did not break the camel's back... you went to nursing school because you knew it was coming.

I went to nursing school because I knew I had to get rid of the jerk and support myself STAT. Every nurse in my study group was there for the same reason.

You have a lot on your plate.. a divorce and a challenging career.

You are NOT broken. You made it through nursing school.. you can do anything.

You will come out better and stronger... I promise.

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Nursing school did not break the camel's back... you went to nursing school because you knew it was coming.

Boom. Yes. Exactly what I was asking.

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Specializes in Pschiatry.

Thank you !

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Specializes in Pschiatry.
Nursing school and working with females has all but destroyed my marriage. It wasn't good to begin with, but my wife is ridiculous and jealous. I don't know why...every text is a threat. In Nursing school, as we all know, most of us become real close comrades. We are all going through the same stress, we study together, hang out together, it's just how it works. This is what really damaged my relationship, and it's not getting much better. I'm at a loss for answers. I am not, however, going to play into the "make me feel special" all the time game. I have been married 32 years, and if she doesn't think I am committed at this point then there is nothing I can do. Makes it real miserable to enjoy my job when the hammer is waiting to fall all the time...

Thank you. Exactly how I'm feeling. Just trying to keep pushing forward and upward instead of being dragged backward and downward. This is really important to me and I'm not willing to give it up easily. Good luck.

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Specializes in LTC and Pediatrics.

I had a very long process going to nursing school with many bumps in the road as far as classes. My last 2 semesters I stayed in the town the school was in as I am not a morning person and getting up at 4 a.m. for clinicals and up till who knows when getting the paper work done was not going to happen staying at home. When I was down to my class where we work with a preceptor, I was able to return home. During this last 3 classes, my husband got very bossy. I about left. I managed to convince him to go to counseling and we managed to salvage this after 35 years.

As has been said earlier, there were things before nursing school and I think the stress of school over the long time period I was attending school, worked against us. I had done a couple of semesters of prereq's for ADN and had taken most of the ADN classes, before transferring schools and salvaging what I had done and earned my LPN.

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mine nearly didn't but I don't think it was nursing school per se, it was the behavior of both of us. He resented the fact I did less around the house even though I wasn't working (but was going to school), and I resented the fact that he wasn't picking up the slack and taking for granted that he should. It was a tense summer between my first and second year of school, and then I started working nightshift to get experience for graduation. We did wind up working it out and are now better than ever 4 years later.

That said we both made sacrifices, made compromises and realized the situation was temporary. I also told him that if truly wanted out he couldn't leave until I graduated and was supporting myself and the kids. So he basically had a 10 month timeline to decide if he really wanted to end the marriage. I left it up to him since he was the "unhappy" one. I also told him we would attend counseling (he had no choice since we had small kids at the time) that it was non-negotiable. Now this attitude won't work for everyone, but after a month or two of contemplation, deep discussion with each other we started working together instead of against each other.

I'm sorry that after 33 years he's willing to toss it all away.

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My fiancé and I have been together almost 6 years now. When I started school it was because he pushed me to do what makes me happy.

Last year, right after I transferred to a BSN program, we found out he had to start traveling for work. It was supposed to be a 3 month thing. 16 months later he is still gone M-F.

We dealt with my older son attempting suicide and being hospitalized. My younger one having severe PTSD from dealing with his brother. Plus the stresses of me being in school and him being away from home all the time.

We fought at times. Still do. But the things is we both keep working at it. We both make time for the other. And we both pick up the slack for the other.

If your husband has told you he will not go to counseling and that he's done putting effort in, well he's made up his mind.

It's going to be hard on you but you're so close to the finish line. Keep pushing forward!

Wishing you all the best!

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